I have decided to order some Acetyl-L-Carnitine. It seems to be the most potent antidepressant dietary supplement you can find and you have deficiency in it when you feel depressed. I think this is now my best option, on top of the vitamin D, B12, creatine and taurine I already take, as I’m really starting to deal with unbearable misery in my mind.
But above all else, I meditate and I pray to God, asking to save me from all the negative thoughts invading my head on a constant basis.
Have you tried eating a steak?
“I really want to get laid.” “Have you tried rape?”
You don’t have to agree with me, but that’s how I see it. Cows don’t want to be killed. If you kill them to feel happier, it’s a bit like raping to get laid, you just set yourself up for greater misery down the line.
You are torturing logic at the expense of your health and well-being. It doesn’t make you a martyr.
You don’t have to abandon your principles. 95/5 adherence still preserves your virtue, and maybe it helps YOU.
Dying for platitudes serves no one.
It’s not a platitude to the animals you’re advocating for the rape, murder and torture of. You’re basically peddling evil as a solution to the problems of someone in a vulnerable mental state. It’s a solution which – I promise you – wouldn’t even help him to begin with, because the problem is energetic, not dietary.
Also if you believe in what you say, then I propose that you offer yourself to be ground up by the machinery in a factory farm, to be served as food for somebody else. If you don’t, then you are a hypocrite who is unwilling to undergo what you force others to go through. In such a person, no virtue can exist at all.
I advocate for less murder, which is a net positive, and mental and nutritional health, which are also net positive. Perfect is the enemy of good.
The natives had this right – life for life, and the proper response is thankfulness and humility.
Unbelievable how about you eat bivalves, which have even more nutrients than beef. Why do you have to eat the mental three year olds who love their kids?
@Unbelievable: if Jeffrey Dahmer came up to me and said that he advocated for less murder and overall mental health, I’d probably laugh my ass off at that. Likewise, when a carnist tells me they are anti-murder I find it utterly absurd. Maybe you should stop supporting the murder of innocent creatures with minds comparable to those of human children, then, if you advocate for less murder. Or if you care at all about mental health, maybe you should look into how working in the slaughterhouse industry affects the people who do those jobs:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10009492/
> It was found that SHWs have a higher prevalence rate of mental health issues, in particular depression and anxiety, in addition to violence-supportive attitudes. Furthermore, the workers employ a variety of both adaptive and maladaptive strategies to cope with the workplace environment and associated stressors. Finally, there is some evidence that slaughterhouse work is associated with increased crime levels. The research reviewed has shown a link between slaughterhouse work and antisocial behavior generally and sexual offending specifically.
The thing about people who advocate for humane murder and compassionate rape, or gratitudinous exploitation and humble sadism, is that they’re hypocrites who use Orwellian language to hide the truth of their own behaviour. You’re basically using these moral ideas as though they’re meaningless buzzwords or thought-terminating cliches, as though you don’t even understand what they mean, while ignoring the actual torture which is being committed every day towards billions of animals in factory farms in the name of producing the food you eat. Things that are almost too horrible to imagine, like babies being thrown into meat grinders, or animals getting repeatedly raped and anally fisted and then being separated from their babies after giving birth, or animals being genetically engineered to the point of deformity so that they produce more of a ‘product,’ and then living with countless diseases as a result and spending their entire existences in tiny cages surrounded by other animals in the same situation. If everyone stopped eating meat, all of these things would stop. Thus, it is the meat eaters who need to change. Until then, everything you say about the topic of morality is utterly meaningless.
You can rage against the natural order of things all you want but it won’t and can’t change. I agree with you about specific inhumane techniques, but protein metabolism is a thing and won’t stop existing just because you whip your high horse to exhaustion.
Your dictionary of false equivalencies is impressive, though. You don’t murder animals but you murder the shit out of logic. Jeffrey Dahmer, that’s hilarious. I fancy myself more of a Gary Ridgway type.
It doesn’t really matter if you say you agree about “specific inhumane techniques” in the abstract, if in practice you fully support those same things by wilfully subsidizing that same behaviour on a daily basis through choices you continually make. The point is: if you don’t support them, then don’t support them. Don’t say one thing and then do the opposite.
And you can actually get a ton of protein from plants. Like from beans for example. Or like about a million other things, like lentils, chickpeas, nuts, a ton of things actually. A well-balanced vegan diet is extremely healthy, it seems like you’re implying that something millions of people do successfully is impossible, because you don’t want to admit that you could do it but simply choose not to.
There’s also no such thing as an immutable natural order in the way you’re implying, this reality we’re living in is highly contrived and far more malleable than people realize and even so, to call the practice of factory farming a part of any natural order is pretty silly regardless.
>I fancy myself more of a Gary Ridgway type.
Thank you for agreeing to stop pretending to be a good person.
If it was a nutrition issue oysters are a better source of nutrition than steak and don’t have brains.
Amazing how the human mind can justify its own worldview at the expense of itself. Smart animals just follow the cosmos’s direction and eat what is biologically appropriate. Is a lion or tuna a rapist killer? It’s tragic from the perspective of people literally in control of suffering yet narcissisticly overwhelmed by the ego’s rigidity, creating a holographic cage of justification.
That’s a lot of words to say, “don’t have any morality at all, just follow impulses only, also I don’t believe in rape or murder as a conceptual moral wrong because some animals do it lmao”
If you want to blindly ‘follow the direction’ of the demiurgic cosmos, which is literally a demonic prison-farm that is tailored to harvest spiritual energy from its inhabitants, then you’ll eventually find out the hard way exactly what is being hidden from you here.
It’s always wild to me how brainwashed people are with regards to spirituality. With some people, I feel like you could hypothetically put a VR helmet on their heads, place them into a machine which feeds their other senses false information as well and then tell them that you’re their “god”, and they would just unquestioningly believe you, sacrifice any morals they once had to follow your word, do anything they needed to to fit in with the world you’ve shown them in the VR helmet no matter how deranged it was or how much suffering those ways of life caused; they would sacrifice the literal core of their very soul just to make sure that they were the perfect adherent to the paradigm of the torture simulation you’ve given them, as long as you let them have an occasional ‘treat’. You could be showing them the literal destruction of everything they ever loved or held dear in VR form, and they would bend the knee to you in response. It’s impossible to respect someone like this.
Giving up your individuated self is the wrong move. It’s the opposite direction of where you want to go, you need to be individuating further instead. Instead of blindly following what goes on around you like a puppet on cosmic marionette strings, you should be questioning this cosmic system like you would question a bad government or an abusive family member, and then you should develop your own strength so you can eventually assert yourself against this cosmic paradigm in a meaningful way that allows you to ultimately escape it.
Weird synchronicity that I checked your blog for the first time in a while during a particularly harsh moment of despair and this is what I see. I’ll get some too. Hope it helps you.
I have been taking in Acetyl Carnitine in the hopes of losing a little weight (turns out you can gain weight on a vegan diet) and improving my exercise performance. It’s great that it’s also an antidepressant!
Hang in there dude!
FWIW, I agree with the 1st reply on that post that seems to be deleted on my end… go offline completely for at least a week and commune with your favorite version of nature that’s within reach for you. The exercise and interaction with the real is very healing mentally! (Especially if you can go barefoot.)
I have a close family member who is lacking in his diet most of the kinds of things you do not consume. He was also extraordinarily depressed even early in life before this dietary restriction. He is finding phosphatidylserine to be very helpful. Two capsules a day, 300 mg. per capsule.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4508628/ (” The mean HAM-D17 in all subjects taking the supplement was significantly improved after 12 weeks of taking the supplement.”)(The Effects of Phosphatidylserine and Omega-3 Fatty Acid-Containing Supplement on Late Life Depression, Mental Illness, April 1, 2015).
(I know that you are not elderly, but we may all be needing depression meds that are suited to the elderly). Note the need to add on Omega 3; you could use algae oil.
You also need to take the meds you were prescribed. When you were hospitalized they got you out of a bad place; they have their uses. My relative takes antipsychotics as needed; you are in a “it’s needed” phase now. Tamp things down. He takes the phosphatidylserine in addition to the seroquel and fish or algae oil.
You might not be able to avoid having the thoughts. But you may be able to turn away from them, to Christ. It is almost like a physical turning away from those bad things, and towards Him.
Seriously, if you are like my family member, and I think you may be, you should take your prescribed meds ASAP. You don’t have to take them all the time, but take them now. It will make life much less stressful for your loved ones.
Um, seems kind of irresponsible and reckless to recommend someone to keep taking their meds, when a) you don’t know what they are, and b) you don’t know whether or not they are actually helping.
Are you like one of those trust the experts no matter what type of people?
Don’t you know that those are the same people recommending taking the Covid-19 vaccine, and getting all the boosters, and would probably label anyone who thinks that the vaccines are not helpful, but are actually harmful, would be diagnosed as mentally ill. It’s the same people with the same mentality.
I didn’t recommend that Rintrah KEEP taking his meds; he is clearly off his meds. Elsewhere he wrote that the prescribed meds had helped a lot. Above he lists what he is taking, and it doesn’t include prescribed meds. He is having problems again. That being the case, taking them again for now would be prudent. Once he is stable he can figure out other ways to deal with his mood.
If I trusted the experts I would have taken the covid shot.
Hope you feel better soon my friend
Thanks!
Look into magnolol.
Since Ive started experiminting with methylene blue again you could look into it.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31144270/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3555627/
For Covid:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11127079/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37958892/
For mitochondrial function:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5826781/
https://translationalneurodegeneration.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40035-020-00197-z
https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/cellular-neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fncel.2015.00179/full
I wish you nothing but the best.
Thanks.
I totally agree about the methylene blue; that is what I use for my mood (8 drops a day of 1 percent solution), but the question is whether Rintrah can take it safely given the other stuff he may be on. I think he could if he is careful but what do I know. Also I am wondering if by using it long term I am going to do something weird to myself; I suppose I’ll see. RFK uses it; I recently saw a clip of him squirting a whole dropper full into his drink: https://x.com/iAnonPatriot/status/1887232439770087608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1887232439770087608%7Ctwgr%5E04441d609ca5e47f793260b0c6db8e73975075ab%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.newsweek.com%2Fwhat-methylene-blue-rfk-jr-drink-video-2027187
It is almost mainstream now: https://www.health.com/methylene-blue-rfkjr-11679635. It is on health.com; that is “reputable popular.”
Hey Radagast, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling crappy.
These types of negative and intrusive thoughts are primarily caused by ‘negative entities’, or in other words basically demons. ALL negative thoughts of this type are caused by them, actually. It’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s pretty common, basically everyone has these things attached to them to varying degrees if they live in this world, so it’s just a matter of knowing how to deal with them by energetically erasing them and so on. It seems to me like you might be a bit targeted by these things, kind of like I am. I really think you should be learning how to make an energetic shield as well as learning to clear negative energy from yourself so that the emotional targeting and intrusive thoughts you’ve been experiencing will gradually decrease and you’ll begin to feel better. It’s like a skill or a hobby that you can learn and get stronger at over time. I mean, I used to have a shitload of intrusive thoughts too several years ago, and I used to have catatonic depression back in like 2020. And there was a lot more going on with me than that too, it’s a long story. I’m actually not depressed anymore at all and my head generally feels very clear these days, so in my experience you can definitely get basically 95% better again, and ultimately you can in theory get rid of all of the weird shit in time.
I’m going to repost that link to a set of videos with some instructions on how to get started with energy training. The topic as a whole goes much deeper than just this playlist but it’s how I got started and I think it’s pretty good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeZo90lO2Wo&list=PLOFLYgmNpSobJeSQ9dvJhF5o7KdQNL-0M
I understand that when you’re depressed things like this can seem kind of overwhelming, so like I’ve probably mentioned before I think the best place to start is with specifically focusing on learning how to do the waterfall method, how to god bubble, and how to create and maintain an energetic shield. An energetic shield is for keeping bad things out, the god bubble technique is so you have a good way to begin to erase what’s already there, and the waterfall method is a form of training to increase your baseline energetic strength over time (which will help with everything else). There is a lot of other helpful information in the above playlist, but I think it’s important to focus on a handful of things when you’re just getting started with something like this.
You should have my email, but feel free to shoot me any questions you have about how to do this stuff if you decide to do it. I know you’re a good soul and I don’t want you to keep suffering like this, and it also reminds me of some of my own shit which I have dealt with in the past. Anyway all of that aside I hope you feel better soon and I hope the acetyl-l-carnitine helps as well.
I would also add to @Tryptie’s insight that we are in a magick war. It may very well be the case that those who are bothered by the truths that Radagast has been exposing, have sent him demons to push him to self-destroy.
The same thing happened to the Two Witnesses of Revelation, who were persistently discussing on certain anonymous online forums that Cheeto is a false saviour, an Anti-Christ. They had started to amass a little Discord community even. The Two Witnesses were husband and wife. Less than a month before Cheeto took office, Witness 2 (Elisha) fled from home, taking her son, and started trying to turn their Discord community against Witness 1 (her husband). Behaving as possessed. That completely shut down their online efforts.
Keep in mind, Radagast: If you die, a lot of evil people, who want to destroy truth and everything you care about, will be very happy and will benefit a lot from it!
Yes, it is a war. Feels like we’re in WWI with our feet in the mud of the trenches, with feces and rats floating in the water, and the stench of dead bodies all around.
Especially on point: Blue Oyster Cult — Veteran of the Psychic Wars: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGKNaIXtBZQ
Thanks.
>These types of negative and intrusive thoughts are primarily caused by ‘negative entities’, or in other words basically demons.
That’s basically how it feels yes. Like there’s something or someone invading your head doing everything it can to try to make you feel basically worthless.
It’s really strange.
>I’m going to repost that link to a set of videos with some instructions on how to get started with energy training.
I’m going to look into it, thanks.
Yeah, literally please just fucking do that for your own good. It fucking sucks watching you go through this, and like, I’ve been through similar shit and I know this stuff works if you stick with it over time. Just try to commit to it a little bit a day at first, you know? So you don’t get overwhelmed or whatever. But yeah, obviously your intuition here is correct and the issues you are facing are interdimensional in nature, including the feelings of meaninglessness and anxiety and so on. There isn’t really such a thing as a ‘psychotic decompensation’ in its own right, you’re just under attack from something that doesn’t want any of us to be happy so, you know, fight back and good luck and always feel free to reach out to me if you want to know something or you want help or advice with this stuff or whatever.
Thanks, I’m following the video series, it’s interesting. I do think this stuff works in some sense, as I’m not really a materialist.
A few years ago I lost a couple hundred thousand dollars playing the stock market. That was about three quarters of our net worth, and I didn’t have a way to replace that money either.
The loss dragged out over the space of almost two years. It hurt so bad inside that I could barely get out of bed. My speech was slurred. I almost lost my job because I was catatonic. Suicidal all the time. To make things worse, I had a life insurance that after the first two years it paid for suicide, and I was eligible for a payout. It would have been twice the amount lost, and my wife and kids could have bought a house and have money left over for the kids college too.
One particular late night, after consuming a good amount of vodka, I was sitting in a chair, Glock 19 in hand, ready to take the step. My wife came to me angry, and said: “If you care so little about us, shoot me too!”
That moment I realized what a pussy I was. My life did not matter any more. So then it did not matter if I suffered. So what if I was feeling endless pain. It didn’t matter what happened to me. So what if my soul burned like fire.
Then, since I stopped giving a dsmn about myself, I started to forget I was depressed, and gradually got absorbed in the details of life over the next year or so.
I’m sorry to hear you are suffering to this extent.
Some decades ago I was a gym-bro who voraciously consumed every touted supplement under the sun in the hopes of being jacked and swole in order to win the love of what you naught consider the archetypal “big tittied Goth Girl”
Acetyl L Carnitine was one of those supplements.
(I’ve recently read many gym bros are doing SQ injections to grow androgen receptors).
My experience was not so great (as is the case with many faddish supplements).
The acetylcholine boost merely put my anxiety into overdrive. I had trouble sleeping, too.
But this is the eternal dilemma between antidepressants and anxiolytics — you take an energizing antidepressant to pull you out of the darkness, but now you’re agitated and geeked out. Then you take an anxiolytic to tamp down on the restlessness, but now you are muted and dulled again.
It’s a horrible see-saw.
It is conventional wisdom that personality disorders are not amenable to pharmaceutical interventions. But on the Schizoid Reddit you will find discussion of Sarcosine, which some say help with their anhedonia (which is not depression) and avolition.
I tried it.
It just cranked my mind and its obsessive rumination up to 11
I suspect Karen might be right that for weirdos like us, our solution is a “spiritual” one (however one feels about Jesus)
I don’t mean to imply Sarcosine is useless.
It might be worthwhile to try.
Just didn’t work for me
Pansy
“They’re looking for spiritual reasons…they’re looking for something more than this world has to offer”
https://youtu.be/_HJytZnzseg?si=z8CJJ4HcPSpOnuX2
Let your chill vibe wash over you, bro
“What Does a Yellow Pansy Mean?
Yellow pansies are common pansy flowers to give to someone who is going through a rough patch in life. This is because the color yellow is viewed as a symbol of joy, positive energy, and happiness.”
https://florgeous.com/pansy-flower-meaning/
It should be noted that there is another meaning of “pansy”
This meaning should be clear to Fucko.
offensive
derogatory
a gay man.
a man who is seen as unmasculine, timid, or affected.
Always remember, You are not alone, we are all here to help each other
Thanks
Do bear in mind that Vit D is no substitute for regular sunlight, which is essential also for nitric oxide & cholesterol sulfate production and the bio-regulatory effects of full-spectrum light. So my advice is to dust off the roller skates in your garage, or else visit an arborist supply shop & buy a basic rope/harness kit to get you up in some of those trees that are way too high to climb unaided.
Writing this, I realize that a tree crown would be a great place to take psychoactive drugs. Or a terrible one.
>Writing this, I realize that a tree crown would be a great place to take psychoactive drugs. Or a terrible one.
Fascinating.
I want to hear more
“… regular sunlight, …”
In the UK (or Netherlands)?! Ha ha.
Official, up to 20% of Brits. suffer from seasonal affective disorder –
https://primarycare24.org.uk/news/2025/01/20/seasonal-affective-disorder/
This seems to exclude mild or moderate winter depression. I probably get that but not full-blown SAD.
In the mid 20th.C, the NHS used arc lamps to provide the missing UV radiation to people in winter, including schoolchildren. (See Dr David Grimes’s blog.) Then came the 1980s ‘skin cancer scare’ and UVA and UVB were suddenly classified as ‘dangerous’.
Since then, it’s become almost impossible to buy anything more than bright lights for winter use. They emit visible radiation only, no UV. A friend who gets SAD badly says that these lamps are useless.
The tanning salons do have UVA and UVB, so that seems to be your best option in our current conditions.
Ive started experimenting wirh methylene blue again. Read that it also has anti depressant properties.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3555627/
Im taking it mainly for the mitochondria, neuroprotective and antiviral effects.
I wish you all the best!
“When you’re going through hell…keep going.”
We love you bro, you’re a good guy and a decent human being.
You either die a principled vegan, or you live long enough to become someone who tears into flesh, as the Demiurge expects of us.
With bloody teeth and and a horrifying smile, you awaken to to your fate.
Sorry, I didn’t make the rules.
(But I happen to have some some thoughts about the rule-makers)
>You either die a principled vegan, or you live long enough to become someone who tears into flesh, as the Demiurge expects of us.
I would say all of this shit is probably being orchestrated to both cause harm to Her, and basically to enslave the people living here to this realm, and if they can tear apart the male and female parts of your soul and kill it in the meantime they’ll try to do that, but otherwise they just feed off of our energy while we’re here.
If you feel an improvement from B12 then you really want to make sure you’re getting enough B2, and B1 to a lesser extent. I am not well versed enough in the complex workings of metabolism and methylation but I’m pretty sure they’re very important for it. One of the benefits of supplemental creatine is reducing methylation needs which in turn depends heavily on B2 maybe moreso than B6 and B12.
Thanks Mike
Hey Rintrah,
I know we don’t know each other. I’m just an anonymous person commenting on your blog. I don’t pretend to know everything that you are going through. I’m an American, which you apparently don’t like, but I’m from a Northern climate too. I don’t live there anymore, but I’m from a region that is similar to Northern Europe. And it’s normal to feel depressed when the weather is bleak.
I think the remedy in your case is not as simple as going out into nature and having a retreat, but I think you need a vacation, a change of scenery. That’s what you need. Hopefully, you haven’t run out of money, and hopefully you are not currently incarcerated and unable to leave, but if you have, and you are, yeah, I’d be depressed too.
The thing is though depression is like an alarm bell ringing off. It’s not inherently bad, it’s actually good, because it’s telling you that something is wrong. But if you take a medication that suppresses the alarm, all that happens is that you oversleep, and you forget, forgetting that the alarm bell served a beneficial purpose, as a reminder to change your course, to change your life, and to do something different.
If you still have some money left, you should go on a vacation, rent a sailboat, go somewhere different, somewhere with blue skies and sunshine. It’s helped me quite a bit. I used to be depressed too, but moving to a more sunny environment has helped.
I wanted to recommend the same.
In January I was feeling kind of done with everything, especially with my job.
I booked a flight to the USA and stayed for almost two months. Drove 7000km (forgot whats that in miles). Completely changed me perspective on life. Unfortunately I couldnt stay for a year or two and just drive trucks around whole North America, because for the average European its easier to get a kidney transplant than a work visa for the US. But I regained my joy and set some new life goals.
I know Rad doesnt want to fly around but you dont have to make it a habit. Book a flight, talk to people there, enjoy the food and nature.
Europe has become such a socialist shithole its unbelievable. And once you leave and come back you can see it in the faces of the people here clearly, no joy, no fun, no nothing.
Rad, you said it yourself many times, we are made to explore and create new experiences. Go out and do it.
>If you still have some money left, you should go on a vacation, rent a sailboat, go somewhere different, somewhere with blue skies and sunshine. It’s helped me quite a bit. I used to be depressed too, but moving to a more sunny environment has helped.
*ahem*
Christopher Hyatt, nee “Alan Miller”, from “The Psychopath’s Bible”:
One technique that the Toxick Magician uses is making something look harder than it is.
Universities constantly use this ploy and the longer people
live the more difficult things will have to be made. So, instead of
taking three years to learn a skill which should have only taken
one year, it will now take five years.
Making things look harder and taking more time allows for
better indoctrination and control of the victim who wishes to have
a better life for himself by getting the sanction of certain groups.
Most people want to be Certified by someone greater than
themselves. The idea of having a life without some form of
Certificate will become more and more terrifying as the beast
becomes more complex and begins to fall apart. This is when the
Manipulator begins to shine. He is always best at — “fall apart.”
The Practitioner knows how to hold out the Right Carrot and
to create just the right amount of difficulty and humiliation to
make an ally out of a potential enemy.
He knows how to get the victim to identify with his causes
and his needs and to make him grateful for all the misery he has
been caused.
The victim now becomes a True Believer as the Toxick Magician manipulates the parameters of fear, failure, reward, punishment and success in just the right fashion.
He knows that people have no direct access to truth, nor do
they have the ability to find out what truth is.
Instead they have religions, superstitions, degrees, certificates,
test scores, badges, passports, licenses, and, of course, good old
fashioned ancestor worship.
These all have in common the worship of authority and power
which the common man attempts to manipulate through
gestures (i.e., obsessions), hopes, beliefs and structured living.
For example, she gets her college degree; gets married (which,
in turn, unrolls an entire subset of additional obsessions such as
making babies, attending school functions, arranging baptisms, buying houses, and selecting furniture); getting a job (which provides its own subset of obsessions such as buying a car, being preoccupied with taxes, looking forward to holidays and vacations, attending office parties, working to improve social status,
preparing for retirement); retirement (which brings preoccupation
with diseases, leisure, and grandchildren); and –finally — death.
The truly funny thing about all of this is that *each and every person* thinks that he is deciding and controlling these activities intentionally and consciously and that they are *unique in the history of the world.*
In reality, anyone with an ounce of awareness knows that
these activities are common, banal, trite, vacuous, insignificant,
boring and ridiculous — and make for sport for the Manipulator.
He will often make believe that he takes these things seriously
as he disrupts these “unique” social patterns.
For example, he can have a good laugh over someone’s
mother having her varicose veins stripped or John’s getting
caught having an affair or Bill’s having been diagnosed with
manic-depressive psychosis.
The normal man can be defined by his repetitive routines. He
takes vacations every year — some even take them at the same
place every year. He performs certain behaviors and avoids others
on certain days of the week. Humans only have a small set of
events to look forward to. How many Christmases can you
tolerate!!
If a man sat alone, bought nothing, did nothing but had the
physical strength to act, he would either destroy himself or every
thing about him. The fact that we measure time linearly while, at
the same time, the days repeat endlessly until we die, attests to
the reality of the human condition.
Even the normal man knows, at some level, that all of this is
meaningless and empty. Some even respond to this condition by
having a nervous breakdown. The cure, however, is fascinating:
few psychologists or psychiatrists would propose that the patient
climb Mt. Everest, sail across an ocean, quit his job, divorce his
wife or abandon his children.
Instead almost all of them will provide the drug-of-the
moment and help the poor schnook return to the very routines
which drove him mad to begin with.
***Understanding this is an incredibly powerful opportunity for the
advanced Toxick Magician.***
I find that kind of writing fascinating.
Yes but the birthday party for the chemo victim last weekend was hilarious. And the guy enjoyed it and stayed up until morning, despite being weak. What was the setting? Those banal circumstances. Sometimes security and predictability are precious.
My palliative cure to my recurring depression is moving my ass, sleeping outside – yes, freezing horribly, somehow this works, or inversely, sauna until I almost faint and 12h sleep for a few days. It works for a few weeks and then I have to repeat. Sucks, but better than chemistry cocktails. Or weird world view magick tricks.
Though I want to try fasting. Next year, maybe.
Having a psychotic break far from family and friends is very hazardous. Rintrah needs to be near his parents and brother in his own country until he is stable; at that point travel is a fine thing and could improve his mood.
Im not sure. there are people out there who feel worse when hanging out with family, especially parents when you’re old enough. Rad said it himself, man is not made to take care of people shitting themselves in nursing homes. His blog posts contain one main theme – exploring the unexplored, be at scientific questions, old graveyards nobody gives a shit or nazis conquering foreign lands.
Its time to skip the drugs for a while and stop surpressing your wanderlust for some dubious environmantal reasons Rad.
The cataclysm 2045 will happen either way. Time to go out and start living. Next time you decide to spawn on this planet you may not have to chance to.
> Having a psychotic break far from family and friends is very hazardous. Rintrah needs to be near his parents and brother in his own country until he is stable; at that point travel is a fine thing and could improve his mood.
You are correct. I was unaware of his family dynamics.
I apologize for anything I said which might have encouraged his psychosis.
I say this very sincerely — I know what full blown psychosis is like.
I’m thinking of doing our beloved Diogenes here — we both have had experiences in the proverbial “psych ward”
And believe you me, that was no experience I would ever wish to repeat again.
(
There is nothing worse than being an intelligent psychotic imprisoned along with junkies and niggers.
It was absolutely horrific. I can’t even begin to explain how horrific it was.
It was real life nightmare.
I don’t recommend it
I tend to get overwhelmed when I go on vacation these days. Too much to plan, unfamiliar surroundings, different languages. It all tends to boost my anxiety.
I’m not in jail and have plenty of money left, but my brain went through some kind of psychotic decompensation and it’s one of the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now the whole world feels meaningless and I can barely concentrate on anything.
So you are not having a psychotic break right now. That is very good. You don’t need antipsychotics.
You may think of your current state as a chance to start over. Don’t keep grasping for what was. The meaning will come back slowly; it won’t be exactly the same as before but it will be just as true. Your ability to concentrate will improve; even if it is not as good it will still be extremely good. This will take time. I’m not going to give my reasoning since doing so would not help the process.
>I’m not in jail and have plenty of money left, but my brain went through some kind of psychotic decompensation and it’s one of the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now the whole world feels meaningless and I can barely concentrate on anything.
THE ANTI-ZOMBIE THESIS
The foundation of all pathology is nihilism as a general
psychological state of experience.
Nihilism occurs when all ideological systems collapse —
and this includes the cereal meanings generated by culture.
The normal person avoids the extreme feelings of nihilism
by desperately clinging to those meanings and values implanted by culture, childhood and a weak biology, regardless of how irrational, painful and dull these meaning systems seem to be.
Healing occurs when the person regains his feelings of
power and reinstates his ability to create *meaning structures.* This theory is based on Friedrich Nietzsche’s observation that the world is a work of art, created by the self.
The “pathological” person is a failed artist, while the
“normal” person has *accepted* consensual art and, in this
sense, does not own the concept of personhood. In this context it
is important to constantly keep in mind that the person himself is the work of art.
Healing occurs in the will to create and form the world
and self as one’s own creation. The feeling of power, and
the rational application of it to the ends of one’s own creation, is the primary reflection of health.
WORKING THE ZOMBIE
The greatest danger of rationality and logic is not in the
method but in substituting the method for life. To apply
rational and logical processes to solve a problem is one
thing — but to try to live within a rational model is not living. Life, with all its hell and joys, must be an adventure in order to remain human.
Life inherently is a-rational. It is whole and chaotic. It can
only be “taken apart” for a peek. What we see is only a
dislodged part -— how we live is whole. The attempt to make
life safe for breeding and for the meager indulgences of
housewives has created this new race of Zombies.
Division is simply a convenience for fulfilling the desire
to control -— to have more for less. But it is this “less” that is
the lie, the ultimate illusion. This “less” is a lie greater than
any lie ever told. There is no way to have “more” for
“less.” Even God gave up his solitude for “more.” The
earth and the sky and the heaven are one. To divide them
for convenience is one thing -— to act as if this division were
truth is another.
The facts are that with all this “more” we have “less.” We
have become so rational, so logical, so full of self-satisfaction that we are empty.
Yet, in this search for more individuality — more form —
we find even less and less of life. People are as empty in
their individuality as they are in their collectivity.
People feel an absence to the point that they must drown
themselves in a world of addictions. An interesting quality
about addiction, however, is that it offers the person a
chance to have the experience of re-birth. It allows him to
change -— with justification. Recovery from an addiction
allows a person to change and “gives” him permission to do
things which would ordinarily disrupt his relations to those
around him. (Keep in mind that most people do not want
anyone to change.)
He has hit bottom. He must learn to say *no.* Much like a transpersonal crisis, recovery makes a person special and unique. He has *overcome.* He has done
something *special.*
Addictions are created in order to be cured. People need
to feel and not to feel — desperately they want more in order
to pay for their debts of the past. The addiction I am referring to is called -— *form.*
The process of substituting form for essence can only
continue for so long -— ten years, twenty or one-hundred
years. Sooner, rather than later, the machine collapses and,
with the collapse, comes the potential for recovery.
We see the emptiness of dogma, the emptiness of ritual,
the true Pharisee -— the middle class -— lost in form and circumstances, clutching desperately to symbols.
We begin to realize that form cannot replace substance. We begin to
realize that grand ideals, assertions and “acting-out” are not
enough. We begin to realize that the Zombie is not just
within but also without.
Still, we do not yet fully appreciate the depths of this
depression -— this emptiness -— waiting not so silently behind
us and in front of us. Yes, there is a new force on the horizon… a new cry for life. There is a strong desire to put an end to this non-living -— this powerlessness -— this non-purpose. The Zombie is waiting for a great thunderstorm —to be reborn.
However, neither crying nor waiting will help -—
It is the time to be bold -— to dance on the edge of the abyss — to fly again—where?
BECOME WHO YOU ARE
THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES
https://dn790004.ca.archive.org/0/items/HigeKermoianJr.learningAboutHisWorld.pdf/(.pdf)/Hyatt%20-%20To%20Lie%20Is%20Human.pdf
This seems like a chill Autechre track to help the previous post go down your gullet
https://youtu.be/D1D91BOyIoU?si=Na2SpG36MlASb6mj
Indeed, the story of my life.
> Indeed, the story of my life.
Yeah, but you and I are old.
I can’t say I’m encouraged by what I’m seeing amongst the younger generations.
Something odd and novel is happening.
I’m not sure what to make of it.
ngl
“I don’t have any idea about what’s going on”
https://youtu.be/5SBJA4NKkQo?si=5J0e9k0r27Twd00p
Hi
https://unsee.cc/album#k2kcNMUojagf
> Images are deleted after a single view by default.
FFS someone beat me to it.
I wanted to see your handsome face Mehen.
Late night with lots of tequila?
> Late night with lots of tequila?
Ohhhh yeahhh
I might post it up again when I’m in the mood. It’s a cool pic. My uncle’s phone seems to have a compression algorithm that hides my age. Or some other magick is involved, not sure
Off to bed
Try some grounding in the sunlight. Walk around in grass barefoot and let the earth’s magnetic field recharge you while your body absorbs vitamin D manufacturing sunlight.
I try to ground yes, it’s a good thing, thanks.
Watch out with Vit D. Can cause obstipation and kidney failure.
Dr. Chris Palmer, M.D., a board-certified psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School.
Palmer: We’re not connecting the dots.
Most believe mental illness is caused by:
Genes, trauma or chemical imbalance.
But those are risk factors, not root causes.
The root cause? Mitochondrial dysfunction.
What impairs mitochondria?
– Poor sleep / circadian disruption
– Chronic stress: fight-or-flight mode → cortisol, adrenaline, epigenetic shifts → mitochondrial damage.
– Ultra-processed food
– Substance use: alcohol, cannabis, tobacco, some meds
– Hormonal imbalances
– Chronic inflammation
– Physical inactivity
– Nutrient deficiencies
– Poor gut health
– Loneliness
– Lack of Purpose
– Unresolved Trauma
(List not exhaustive)
Palmer has seen symptoms disappear by restoring brain energy through diet, sleep, and lifestyle.
What about meds?
Yes, they help short-term.
But long-term, many damage mitochondria.
Palmer warns: You can’t quit cold turkey. Use carefully, under a practitioner’s guidance, otherwise you might get severe side effects.
But don’t confuse relief with healing.
The serotonin imbalance theory? Never proven.
It started by accident, tuberculosis patients on certain meds felt euphoric.
SSRIs were born.
But low brain serotonin? Never shown in depressed people.
Palmer’s 6 pillars for mental health:
1. Diet/Nutrition: No one-size-fits-all. Eat whole foods. Cut added sugar. Avoid artificial sweeteners like aspartame. Ditch sugary drinks. Fix nutrient deficiencies—especially B9, B12, & iron.
2. Substance Use: Reduce or eliminate alcohol, weed, tobacco & unnecessary medications (under medical guidance).
3. Sleep: Prioritize high-quality, consistent sleep. Circadian alignment matters.
4. Exercise: Walk. Resistance train. Do Zone 2 cardio for brain & mitochondria.
5. Stress Reduction: Mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, yoga.
6. Relationships & Purpose: Have fulfilling relationships & a purpose bigger than yourself.
hat about supplements?
Palmer: Magnesium, electrolytes: yes.
Creatine? Solid data.
But no amount of creatine will help if your foundations are off.
You can’t out-supplement poor sleep, ultra-processed food, or daily alcohol and weed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCyvqRq5YmM
Palmer’s story:
He grew up battling depression, OCD & suicidal thoughts.
During med school, he was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome—despite “doing everything right.”
Thanks
I like you Rad (no homo) I hope you start feeling better.
Thanks
Unless Fucko The Clown comments first, nothing at all makes any logical sense.
Where the fuck is Fucko?
Hope you feel better soon Radagast. Without your explanations I would surely have gotten vaxxed, and I will always be grateful that you saved me from that.
Thanks
You might try zinc. Best form is zinc picolinate, which is highly bioavailable. For me what works best is to dissolve/emulsify in water so I can titrate down the much-too-large supplement capsules, and take 2 to 5 mg at night before bed
I should look into Zinc too, thanks.
Did you ever hear about Michael Nehls or James Greenblatt and Lithium? Seems to be a necesseary element for mental health (1 mg/day)
Thanks.
Our brother Jozef (van den Berg), pray to Christ our Lord for your Dutch brother “Radagast”, and for us all.
(I am also grateful to you for your advice and kindness! I haven’t always been kind to you… We are all siblings here, despite our occasional bickering.)
Feel better soon.
Thanks!
Buddy, speaking from experience, the best way out of depression is through, that is finding something to keep you busy and engaged to take you out of youself. Trying to micromanage your brain chemistry and turning inward with meditation isn’t the way out. For me, getting a job that provided a bit of intellectual challenge helpd a ton. It’s boring and tedious, but it keeps me busy and looking forward. Maybe there are other ways, but you have to find something to keep you occupied.
I agree with this, and this is my general experience too. It’s worse for guys to be unemployed, I think.
I was miserable when I was a NEET, but once I got a job (however crappy) a lot of things turned around and I felt a lot more fulfilled from being busy.
Even volunteer work would be better than stewing in your own thoughts 100% of the time, it’s just not a healthy way to live. The reality is that you need to be connected to others and feel productive in order to be healthy, and if you don’t have that you wind up miserable.
I agree with Benji and Strangelove. Develop some self esteem. Not the touchy-feely “esteem” granted to you by others, but esteem you hold for yourself. Productive work and control over your existence, seeking happiness for your own sake. Best wishes.
>Even volunteer work would be better than stewing in your own thoughts 100% of the time
This is true. I do the occasional volunteer work, but right now, I just get waves of exhaustion that would make me an unreliable employee.
I can relate to this hard. When my own shit was at its worst in around 2022, I basically had developed some form of chronic fatigue syndrome wherein I would basically fall ill for the next few days after doing anything that involved going outside for an extended time like grocery shopping or whatever. I was lucky that I had a work from home job back then because I wouldn’t have been able to hold down anything else I think. It ended up getting much better in the end after I energetically/spiritually addressed what was happening to me in the months to years that followed and cleared away a lot of the shit that was attached to me, and I can say at this point that the amount of energy I have now is more like that of an average person, that problem completely went away, so the takeaway is that the exhaustion is something that can be overcome as well.
Thanks, this makes sense.