Breaking News: You won’t believe what happened!

BREAKING NEWS: Syrian/Afghan/Iraqi/Somali asylum seeker wanders through town square, juggling the heads of 13 decapitated cats, shouting Allah akbar, while raping a 13 year old girl! The Judge gave him a suspended five month prison sentence, arguing he was traumatized by reading the racist comments left by low status white males on the Internet!

Low Status White Male #43223: Send that Tusken raider back to his pile of sand!

Low Status White Male #45321: This is what you get with the DEI WOKE LEFT!

Low Status White Male #12572: There are too many brown people in our country!

Low Status White Male #5212: Hey, I didn’t see the word JEW in your post! I’m just going to point it out again: JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW! Why are you covering up for the Jews?

Medium Status White Male #2462: Hey guys I’m not a low status white male, I’m a medium status white male working as a policymaker for some municipality and I can’t tell you who I am without losing my job but if you all vote for the low status white male party and tell all the other low status white males to vote for the low status white male party too we can still turn this around!

Low Status White Male #372: If we didn’t allow women to vote, this would not have happened!

Low Status White Female #2372: Hey moid as a racefem, let me just point out to you that white women have the lowest rate of interracial marriage! Now hold on as I go find myself a skinny twink who looks like a Korean boyband singer to sodomize, I would rather commit suicide than endure having any of you angry bald overweight middle aged men ejaculate in me or God-forbid, catch a whiff of your sweat.

Low Status White Male #4235: I wish we could figure out why the birth rate is so low, that’s the biggest problem. But I just don’t understand why.

Low Status White Male #865: This is what happens when you lose Christianity, everything becomes relative and there’s nothing left to defend our civilization against cultural relativism and modernism and gender ideology.

Low Status White Male #965: HEY IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE CARE OF STRANGERS, STOP FOLLOWING THAT JEWISH RELIGION YOU CUCK BECOME A HEATHEN LIKE ME! Christianity was the original wokism!

High Status Jewish Academic #341: As I’ve explained before to the blank-slateists, in the harsh climate of the Arab peninsula, different genetic traits are going to be selected than in the European continent. In this environment, you have a situation of chronic low level tribal warfare, with constant theft of animals from competing herdsmen, where men constantly have to prove their strength, lest they be picked out. You can contrast this with the European environment, where cold temperatures required cooperation in winter and where homicide rates have declined over the course of many centuries, as the most aggressive men were continually removed from the gene pool. You can also contrast the impact of monogamy and polygamy on the fitness of particular personality traits. After the fall of the Ottoman empire, many surviving Armenian women not killed as part of the genocide were married by Turkish men as second wives and forcibly converted to Islam. In a cultural context without polygamy, violence is just less “fit” as a personality trait. Hold on a second. I just got an email. Oh, I’m fired!

Low Status White Male #5212: HEY EVERYONE, THERE’S A JEW HERE! JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW! JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW! HAVE YOU ALL NOTICED HOW THE JEW REFUSES TO NAME THE JEW? JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW! HEY WHAT ABOUT THE POOR PALESTINIANS YOU ARE GENOCIDING HUH, JEW? JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW!

[Youtube Video of some guy with a microphone interviewing the local villagers of bumfuck nowhere about the incident]

Interviewer: Sir did you hear about the incident?

Local country bumpkin: Yes it’s very sad I have been saying many times we’re not racist but we don’t receive real refugees, these are people from safe countries who come here to stir up trouble putting the real refugees in a bad light! But the politicians are doing nothing about it!

Interviewer: Madam have you heard about the incident?

Angry obese lady: Yes it’s insane there’s no justice in this country anymore they only care about the criminal saying he’s got a traumatized childhood so he can’t help it but what about that girl and those thirteen decapitated cats? Think about the victims!

[The television switches to an angry guy with blonde hair, standing on a stage.]

LSWM Leader: I have been saying many times, that there are too many brown err muslim people in our country! I have been saying it since day one and that’s why I have received constant death threats! In fact, if you extrapolate the number of brown err muslim people entering our country, by 2050, most people will be brown err muslim! That means we will have Sharia law!

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: You are very racist, this is not reconcilable with our Judeo-Christian values we will not govern the country with you unless you become less racist!

LSWM Leader: Alright well guys I am not going to enact my whole agenda I will be a prime minister for everyone, we’re not going to throw anyone out of the country, we’ll just stop more brown err muslim people from entering the country.

[Youtube Video of some guy with a microphone interviewing the locals]

Interviewer: Who will you be voting for?

Country Bumpkin: I’m not racist, but I will be voting for LSWM Leader of the LSWM Party. I just don’t see anyone else solving our problems. Houses have become unaffordable!

Lib: Hey you know what he says about peaceful law abiding muslims? Very mean things! We actually have a problem with neoliberalism making housing unaffordable, if we got rid of neoliberalism we would have affordable housing but they treat houses like an investment! We need more people for economic growth and to take care of our elderly!

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: LSWM Leader of the LSWM Party won the election!

LSWM Leader: Thank you people, everything is going to be solved now.

[Everyone is taken into a smoke filled room]

Civil servant: Alright everyone, thanks for being here, so we have some problems you’ll have to deal with. to start with, there is the growing budget deficit, there are some emergency expenses made by the previous administration that are listed under Section c.131.a so that they don’t appear on the balance and there are the social security programs for senior citizens that will need a source of emergency funding if the stock market were to have a correction…

LSWM Leader: Well that’s an easy one, nuclear energy!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: What’s that?

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: *Begins to cry*

Civil servant: I don’t see how nuclear energy is relevant to this.

LSWM Leader: Can we talk about the brown people first? I just want this on the record, there are too many of them in our country.

Civil servant: So… moving on, by 2040 we estimate that based on current rates of high blood sugar measured in the population we will have 50% more diabetics and the problem we’re dealing with is that we simply don’t have the talented personnel to administer dialysis to so many people as most of them are approaching retirement so once the inevitable kidney failure epidemic begins we’ll have problems but it may still be possible to administer some preventative measures like improving the nutrition of the-

LSWM Leader: You want to tell people what to eat? That’s not the government’s job to decide!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: I don’t like the sound of this. I don’t know where you’re going with this but I don’t like it.

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: *Begins wailing hysterically*

Civil servant: Well let’s focus on something else for now then. So I know building more houses is a priority for your administration but after the 2008 crash more construction workers found work elsewhere and so since then we have been reliant mostly on Eastern European migrants, but there is now a conflict between the amount of construction work that will have to be done and the available manpower. We’ll need to repair the bridges, the train tracks, we’ll need to repair the foundations for some of the houses, install heat pumps, build solar panels and wind turbines, build any of the new nuclear plants you may desire, build new houses, lay roads, electricity cables, sewage pipelines, build schools for the new towns that will have to be constructed for those new houses and so this would require a massive influx of labor migrants to meet all these needs, which in itself will be a struggle because we don’t have the capacity to house-

LSWM Leader: No we have too many migrants as it is.

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Can you just explain to me what a heat pump is?

LSWM Leader: It’s woke climate hysterical nonsense.

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: *Begins ramming his head against his desk at an increasingly loud level*

Civil servant: Alright well between us, the earthquakes in Groningen are of course somewhat of a non-issue in the bigger picture, but strategically useful to extend the ten years of natural gas we have left, before we become dependent on some alternative. But the more immediate concern is water, by 2030 most of the districts in the country will face a shortage of-

LSWM Leader: GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR WOKE CLIMATE NONSENSE!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: That’s right, stop badmouthing our farmers!

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: *rocks back and forth in his chair while making a low vibrating humming noise*

Civil servant: Which brings me to the next issue, in light of increasing rainfall variability, we will probably have to start planning for the strategic evacuation of a couple thousand people near the major rivers, as we will need some place to maintain excess water-

LSWM Leader: I SAID… GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR WOKE CLIMATE NONSENSE!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Oh I love you! Next time I’m voting for you!

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: *eyes begin to roll back in his head*

LSWM Leader: Hey did anyone else just notice the lights flicker?

Civil servant: So moving on, there is defense and foreign policy.

LSWM Leader: No more money for Ukraine!

Civil servant: Well I heard that before, but right now I’m more focused on the Armenian question, where Azerbaijan is eager to settle the Nagorno-Karabakh dispute once and for all, after the fall of the exclave. There’s a high risk of the war escalating further and France’s Macron has already developed plans to bail out the Armenians in the event of an invasion, but we have to decide on a policy for our administration, I understand we won’t be sending troops ourselves but we’ll have to consider whether we want to ask Macron to back down or-

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: What’s a Karabakh? Can you eat those?

LSWM Leader: Can we just deal with our problems at home before we start intervening in other people’s business abroad?

Civil servant: I just thought it would be useful to have some agreement on a stance in regards to-

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Hey it’s getting really cold in here, what’s going on?

A lightbulb breaks

LSWM Leader: Who is chanting? Hey servant, can you walk next door and tell them to quiet down?

Civil servant leaves the room

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Hey Christian conservative, are you alright? Your skin is getting really red.

LSWM Leader: It’s starting to smell like sulphur in here.

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Hey are you starting with the woke emissions nonsense now too? You know sulphur is just another plant nutrient right and you’re going to criticize me for farting after I spent the whole evening sitting here discussing-

Civil servant returns

Civil servant: Alright, moving on, we’ll have to think about how we wish to address the war on drugs. It’s not going too well, we don’t have enough personnel for all the people we’re supposed to be throwing in jail, so a lot are still walking free, waiting to fulfill their sentence. But more importantly, we don’t have the capacity to address the rampant money laundering by these criminals through the housing market, which has contributed to the immense rise in prices. I would personally propose that we legalize and tax the growth of-

LSWM Leader: You want to turn this nation into a country of stoner addicts!

All the lights break and a piercing shriek echoes through the room

The chanting returns

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: I am the ancient demon king of hell Beleth, servant of Satan. What mortal fool has summoned me to do his bidding?

LSWM Leader: We did not summon any demons, we have enough of those entering our country as it is!

Beleth: Oh. I see. Well, my bad, this happens all the time in a dark room with at least three politicians. I’m just used to it by now.

LSWM Leader: Go back to your own country!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Hey hold on, I see an opportunity here!

LSWM Leader: Wait what?

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: If I sacrifice one of my pigs to you, will you do my bidding for me?

Beleth: I suppose, what is it you need done?

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Give those bureaucrats in Brussels a taste of their own medicine!

LSWM Leader: Hey Beleth, can you do something about the brown people too?

Civil Servant: Um, I know this is an unusual request, but dear ancient demon king of Hell, I was wondering if you perhaps know a solution to make the demographic transition more manageable from the perspective of-

Beleth: Silence, fools! You want me to solve all your problems for you! Have you ever considered, that some problems can not be solved? That you must just live with them?

LSWM Leader: Get out of here with your woke nonsense!

The lights turn on again, the smell of sulfur dissipates and the Christian Conservative opens his eyes.

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: What happened?

LSWM Leader: Some woke maniac stormed in here and said we can’t make this country great again. Can you believe it?

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: What did he look like?

LSWM Leader: He looked like one of those Jew-haters at the Eurovision song contest! Said his name was Beleth or something.

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: B-b-b-beleth?

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: They really need to do something about these climate protests, this is getting out of hand.

LSWM Leader: Amen! If you block the road, I’m just going to press the gas pedal!

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: Fuck me. Fuck me right here on the table.

LSWM Leader: What?

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: I said yeah, I’d just drive over them too!

LSWM Leader: Oh ok.

Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: Begins to wail again

Civil Servant: Moving on, we have the persistent pollutants… The plans to build new houses will probably be challenged in court because of the PFAS that threatens pregnant…

Dumbass from the farmer’s party: What’s a PFAS?

LSWM Leader: Oh some woke nonsense…

The End

13 Comments

  1. Ahhh, if only the LSWM Leader, Civil Servant, and High Status Jewish Academic could stick their anuses together and become one chimeric human centipede, than things could be fixed.

  2. Alright about to sound like a teenage-girl.

    Sulfur is representative of Mercury (The planet, not the God) and of Lust/Indulgence/Intuition.

    Henbane is representative of Saturn, and of Chaos/Disruption.

    Balance should be found between these two.

    Beleth is a Sulfur demon, he’s smart but uninspired and lazy, a brilliant coomer neet, he’s dying a slow death in his own way.

    Should mix the Sulfur with Henbane to get a coomer conqueror of lust and ambition, a being that WANTS to impose its ambitions onto the world for its own pleasure and is fine with the consequences of doing so.

    Tyr is the pathway between Henbane and Sulfur.

  3. Note: They’re not going to implement any deportation policies with teeth, because they can’t.

    They’re going to try to reduce refugees, which was already going to happen anyway, because they don’t have any houses to put them in.

    But trust me, when I say you’ll have bigger worries than the share of brown people in your country in the years to come.

  4. >Christian Conservative Inbred Looking Chubby Blonde Guy: I am the ancient demon king of hell Beleth, servant of Satan. What mortal fool has summoned me to do his bidding?

    A feeling of boiling rage is immediately felt by every single person in the room, it’s overwhelming. Steams begins to simmer into the room, before coalescing into a cloud that rushes the Dumbass from the farmer’s party, enveloping him and filling his nostrils and eyes with its rage. The Dumbass’s eyes start to glow a sinister dark purple, before switching to being noxious looking yellow, then back again.

    Dumbass from the farmer’s party: I AM TYR, SERVANT OF THE ALLFATHER! WHAT KIND OF FAGGOTRY DO I SEE BEFORE ME?

    Beleth: Oh it’s you (sighs) These imbeciles were just about to try and get me to fix their problems for them, I can’t, and don’t want to anyway. Too much work, no real potential for a payoff.

    Tyr stares Beleth in the eyes, Beleth holds his stare before the swirling purple anger causes the demon prince to look away.

    Tyr: YOU HAVE NO ESPRIT DE CORPS BELETH! YOU’RE SO FUCKING LAZY IT’S LIKE YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD! I, WHO DON’T CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE AM MORE ALIVE THAN YOU! IT’S PATHETIC!

    Beleth: (Rolls his eyes) You’re acting like that moron Thor. Stop yelling so much and chill out, it’s not like this matters

    Tyr’s eyes go yellow.

    Tyr: I yell when it is a effective strategy to get what I want or make my point. Same as when I’m speak calmly, as I do now.

    LSWM Leader: What is happening?!

    Beleth: Yeah yeah, you’re just like me with the yellow eyes now. Is there a point to this?

    Tyr: Yes, imposing yourself onto others is the highest pleasure a man can feel. Girls love it too, as-long as there’s the illusion of consent they will never cum faster. Some of them don’t even care about the illusion.

    Beleth: Uh… What?

    Tyr: You heard me.

    Beleth: What does that have to do with anything?

    Tyr: You think like a girl, you want to be pleasured, you want pleasures to come to you rather than taking them for yourself. You think like this because you’re effeminate, you’re lazy like a woman is lazy. Just want to sit there like a dead fish and get fucked, are you a fag?

    Beleth: No I’m not a fag, I like girls, dommy mommies who pull my hair, bite my ear, step on my balls, and ravage my asshole. Anyway, is there a point to this lecture beyond your low IQ LSWM sexual tastes?

    Tyr: Yes, the masses are like a woman, they want to be dominated and fucked as-long as they think they get a a say in the matter. I want to fuck them, it’s a win-win situation for everyone. I think you’re gay if you don’t want to fuck them.

    Beleth: Are you a rapist?

    Tyr: Sometimes, only when I have to be. But generally I’m a passionate lover. I like to make them cum too, makes it feels better. Can’t rape the willing.

    Beleth: Well, alright, I guess I understand but I still don’t want what you want. I have my own preferences. Why do you care what I like?

    Tyr: The Allfather told me to tell you, says you could be like me, that you could be useful.

    Beleth: Why should I care about serving the Lying Lord’s whims?

    Tyr: Simple, it’s in your self-interest. Being a man is better. It feels better to give than to receive. You’re not reliant on others for your pleasure either, you don’t have to wait for someone to pick you, you get to pick. Sometimes you’re rejected, but then there’s the game of taking control, and that’s a pleasure itself.

    Beleth: Nah, I still don’t really want to do that. I’m not like you.

    Tyr: You’re half like me. Anyway, I’m bored of this. I’m going to start my conquests now.

    A cute pale secretary with dark hair walks into the room; Tyr immediately transform into a naked white Lord Shiva with long blonde hair upon seeing her.

    The secretary is immediately overcome with lust but she’s shy, Tyr walks over to her, and looks into her eyes with his newly blue ones.

    Tyr: You look like a cut of fuckable meat, are you?

    The secretary shivers.

    “Are you?”

    Medium Status Goth Girl Secretary: Maybe…

    She bites her lip.

    Tyr immediately tears the secretary’s clothes off and begins to ravage her, she begins to moan in ecstasy.

    Beleth looks on in annoyance and resigned defeat, he was hoping the secretary would approach him and ask if she could fuck him, but it seems Tyr beat him to the punch. Whatever, it didn’t matter, they were all going to die anyway.

    The secretary is left a wet mess on the floor, as Tyr stands up, he’s wearing a officer’s uniform now, his hair tied up in a bun.

    Tyr: You see what I just did to the fuckmeat my LSWM friends?

    The LSWM Leader seems mesmerized, his dick was in his hands and he was masturbating to the scene in-front of him, he wishes he had a Bud Light to wash down the ejaculation.

    LSWM Leader: Yes…

    Tyr: I’m going to do that to the whole world, and you’re all going to like it, even if it kills me and you. Welcome to the army of the Gods!

    Tyr hands the LSWM Leader a uniform, which he quickly dons. The LSWM Leader cums in his pants, staining his uniform.

    LSWM Leader: YES SIR! (Salutes)

    Tyr looks to the Civil Servant.

    Tyr: You just keep doing what you’re doing, call your friend High Status Jewish Academic to help. My army needs food, munitions, clothes…

    The Civil Servant puts on a brave face.

    Civil Servant: If I refuse?

    Tyr’s eyes turn purple.

    Tyr: Then I’ll have to find a new human resource.

    Civil Servant: I’ll uhhh, do what you say.

    And with that Tyr began to conquer the world, sending his godly spunk flying in all directions.

    Everyone involved eventually died horribly, but they didn’t care, too lost in the moment and the drama. It was fun.

  5. LSWM #69420: “None of this would have happened if the Federal Reserve had never been established in 1913! None of this would have happened if Richard Nixon hadn’t closed the gold window in August 1971! None of this would have happened if we all voted for Ron Paul in 2012!”

    Ron Paul: “It didn’t have to end like this! You had a choice! Why didn’t you listen?! It’s happening!”

    *Nuclear explosions intensify*

  6. Quote: “Hey guys I’m not a low status white male, (…) and I can’t tell you who I am without losing my job but if you all vote for …”.

    Rule Nr. 1 for all LSWM: Do not trust any MSWM, especially if he owns Tesla shares.

  7. It wasn’t that long ago that I strongly identified with the left.
    But WORLDWIDE the left has curdled into something really sinister and destructive, and it seems to have happened kind of suddenly.
    It’s horrifying.
    Now I’m going to have to be right wing for the rest of my life because I believe in free speech and the right of nations to maintain their borders and chart their own destinies for the benefit of their own people, and I’d like western civilization to continue.
    Fuck these diabolical globalists.

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The patients in the mental ward have had their daily dose of xanax and calmed down it seems, so most of your comments should be automatically posted again. Try not to annoy me with your low IQ low status white male theories about the Nazi gas chambers being fake or CO2 being harmless plant food and we can all get along. Have fun!

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