I really wanted to move on for a moment from discussing my struggle to fulfill my lustful cravings, as I continue my effort to trick women into acknowledging my existence. I wanted to discuss climate change again, but I know none of you autists give a shit and I have some actual news.
I have found a 30 year old woman who is willing to meet up with me this weekend. She doesn’t seem to have a job (based). She might even still live with her parents (gigabased). She’s not even Asian, there’s an actual white woman, someone from the same incestuous Dutch gene pool as me, who is willing to tolerate my presence. Can you believe it? Neither can I.
But we have to talk about sex some more. I’m in my thirties by now. I’ve been wondering for a long time why I feel so suicidal. Why is every day a struggle? Why do I now have a manic episode after I haven’t slept in 48 hours? The reality is that I have just mostly suppressed my struggle with the natural yearning young men have, which is to have sex with young women. “Just don’t pay attention to the desire and it doesn’t have to bother you.” That’s what I thought. Be like the Buddha. Give into your yearnings and you are just rewarded with attachment to an imperfect world that only offers misery.
I always thought of sex as kind of cursed. I can’t help but feel at a deep fundamental level that a woman is robbed of her dignity when she undergoes penetration. Don’t blame me, for 2000 years my ancestors venerated a virgin who gave birth. It’s hardcoded into my DNA by now. You dare to impose this indignity on a woman, to separate her with your saber from her dignified sisters in the convents? Now you must take care of her for the rest of her life. That’s how it used to be, before we became “free” (HAHAHAHA).
But what I’ve come to accept is that ignoring my own lustful desires doesn’t really work. It means I end up accidentally reading about guys on Reddit sharing stories about how in college they had two girls at the same time when they were nineteen and I get the suicidal urges again as I realize I missed out on a lot in my life. Trying to explain this to my therapist, a good looking young androgynous homosexual man with a kind-hearted soul, is somewhat difficult. I’m not even going to try explaining the problem to the middle-aged female ones. I can just imagine them to each other: “There goes the autistic incel again…”
I’d love to say I have more sophisticated desires. A nice career, a big house, beautiful children, success at bringing peace to the Middle East, you name it, but I don’t. The sophisticated desires tend to be like a tree that grows on top of a stable foundation of soil. That stable foundation, for guys like Bill Clinton, Donald Trump and most successful men you can think of, I guarantee you, involved having lots of sex with a bunch of good looking young women in their early twenties.
I had one failed relationship in my early twenties that barely counts. I’m not going to elaborate on it too much, being a Kiss-and-Tell would be unfair to her, but let’s just say I don’t have the proper foundation to build on. I have no thick fertile soil. I have bare rock with trinkets of dust she sprinkled on there for me, that she watered for me with the juices emanating from her cunt. Only grass can grow there, deep roots can not take hold. But without that grass, I would not even be talking to you right now. I would be another statistic. I would be dead.
What makes it all worse is that except for some trauma and whatever form of autism I may or may not have (my therapist no longer thinks I’m autistic, I’m fucked up in some far more special snowflake way), it really should not have been that difficult: I’m 6’1. I still have my hair. I have no birth defects. I swear I’m genuinely reasonably good-looking. And say what you want about me, I can communicate my ideas. It’s hard for me to blame mother nature, it all feels more like my own failure.
It’s all my fault. Being too stuck in intellectual abstractions. Not accepting life at face value, not just confronting the day-to-day reality to the best of my abilities. It feels like my own fault, for looking up to the sky and saying to God: “Hey you dickhead, this world is not good enough for me, I deserve something better.”
“Alright then, if you can think of how things could have been better GO ON, LIVE IN YOUR OWN HEAD.” And that’s what I did. I was trying to figure out as a twenty year old whether HIV was made in Fort Detrick, when I should have been trying to figure out why those good-looking blonde girls in college asked me to sit next to them.
So I have a bunch of complexes about this sort of stuff. Never had sex with a virgin. Never had sex with two girls at the same time. I have never even experienced a genuinely functional relationship. Women in their thirties are no longer looking for that, they’re busy with their jobs or their kids. This stuff is taboo. Nobody has sympathy for incels. You’re not allowed to feel stunted or traumatized by any of this as a guy.
I could even elaborate on how the nether regions of a woman in her thirties just don’t even smell as primally attractive anymore as they do when she is around twenty. There’s also something about the scent of their long hair that changes too. Again, this is all stuff we’re not supposed to mention. It’s impolite. But I miss it. Most men can accept losing it because at least they went through it.
And I feel robbed of it. Robbed by who? The bullies in high school who made me insecure and shy? The teachers who didn’t stop those bullies? My mother who made me feel I was never good enough at satisfying her expectations, let alone any other woman’s? Robbed by my father who never taught me anything about women? Robbed by God? Robbed by my own insight? Robbed by my own failure to just accept life as it really is? All I know is I feel robbed of something.
Elliot Rodger my friends, did nothing wrong. You know who did something wrong? His father who didn’t send him to some college in Asia, where he would have been slightly taller and slightly better looking than the pure-blooded Asian boys, with a slightly bigger penis. Yeah, I won’t spare you any details, because none of the boys struggling with these problems are spared the details either.
Me and Elliot were really raised by the worst generation of men, boomer guys who climbed out of a river of vulval fluids at Woodstock back in ’69, surrounded by hippie water nymphs who tried to pull them back in, only for them to buy houses with mortgages they got through jobs they got with high school degrees and who assumed the world would always work like that.
Elliot in Thailand.
Send that boy to Thailand, for the love of God. It really doesn’t matter whether he was actually gay, homosexuality is a fake made-up thing anyway. Put that guy in Thailand and I guarantee he wouldn’t have been physically capable of fighting off the ladies.
But no. The boomers had to make us harbingers of what would follow: The incel generation. Zoomer guys who will get to lose their virginity to women in their thirties once they finally have their six figure salary engineering job. None of this is supposed to work like this my friends. You’re a young man. You’re not supposed to have to “lookmaxx”. Do you think my father ever went to the gym? HAHAHAHAHA.
The frat guys are not supposed to have a monopoly on Asian cunt. None of this is working as it should. You know what the Japanese used to do back when they were amongst themselves, when there were no white frat boys around? The young males in the rural villages would just climb into other people’s house at night and have sex with whatever women they stumbled upon. Married? Doesn’t matter.
The yellow boys got robbed of their birthright, far worse than anyone else. I don’t have the racism in me to be as cruel to them as Western liberal egalitarian feminism is to them. Who cares that you’re a neurosurgeon at age 40? Who cares that you can now go on boat trips with your wife? Do you know what 19 year old Asian cunt smells like? No? YOU WERE ROBBED.
If you don’t get to be with young women, at a young age, to satiate your primal needs, you accumulate scars in your mind. Elliot killed himself before he would have to truly feel those scars. I know, I have some of those scars in my own mind. They could have been much worse. A woman saved me from the worst possible scars, but then she broke my heart.
I know some of you degenerates are in your early twenties. Stop reading this blog right now, come back to me when you’ve annoyed a woman of your own actual age. Go to the beach, ask a girl for her phone number, when she calls the cops, claim to be an Arab Muslim, if they don’t believe you call them racist. Do it now. Go outside.
The rest of this post is for those of you in their late twenties or older.
My friend, God bless his heart, came up to me with an actual solution. He has young women sleeping in his bed all the time. I’m talking 20 year olds here. He explained to me how. And I’m going to explain to you degenerates how it works too. You could even find a virgin there, if you really put effort into it. But I’m also going to explain to you, why it doesn’t solve the problem for me. My soul just isn’t made for it.
Here’s how it works. You register on fetlife.com. This is the sort of bullshit women and degenerates like, BDSM. Fetlife is full of 18, 19, 20 year old women, many of them too neurodivergent to get along with the guys in their own direct social context, who grew up as teenagers reading Fifty Shades of Grey. They want a “Dom” to tell them what to do. They want a “Dom” to take their virginity. They want a “daddy” who is older than them. But if you want this bullshit, you will have to integrate into this alien tribe. It is like being airdropped above the forests of Papua New Guinea. Strange people with strange customs.
My friends, I can’t do it. I will confess, I tried. I tried adjusting to this alien tribe for a day. But now I open fetlife.com and the only thing that happens is that I start losing my sexual desires and start thinking of converting to Catholicism. Disgusting? Of course. Of course it’s disgusting to see sixty year old women covered in ropes and other bullshit. Of course it’s disgusting to see men in chastity cages. Of course it’s disgusting to see “non-binary” people with surgical scars where their breasts should be.
But it’s something far worse than disgusting. What these people are trying to do is that they’re trying to control and manage this inherently violent repressed animalistic thing that lies dormant in our psyche, like a bull released into a bullfighting arena. And in doing so they turn the animal it into a mockery of itself. They turn sex, what can be a sacred intimate act, a special bond between two people, into a banality.
They’re trying to control and domesticate something that inherently doesn’t want to be controlled and in doing so they rob it of its dignity and accidental beauty. Sex isn’t beautiful intentionally. Often it is very ugly, as with rape. But just as nature is often ugly, at times it can be beautiful by accident. Similarly, sex, between two people who are so consumed by desire for each other that they no longer can control their desire, can be beautiful.
Fetlife my friends, I promise you, is never beautiful by accident. It is always ugly. It is always a banality. It is always a long list of kinks and fetishes and do’s and don’ts and red flags and green flags and abbreviations and consent rules. Above all else, it is always, about controlling this thing that was never meant to be controlled. We were always meant to be slaves to our passions, when we failed to cultivate the virtues that defend us against our passions taking control.
What Fetlife is my friends, is always releasing this beautiful ferocious animal, into a trapped arena where it can not escape, where its anger is ritualistically exploited, where the wild animal is humiliated, where the entire fight is staged, where the crowd cheers on a fight where the ending is decided in advance.
You know what’s beautiful about sex? When you are taken by surprise, because you did not know how much the other yearned for you. When you didn’t know how much you shared the same desires. When nobody is in control. When the Gods who reign over us feeble mortals play dice. When there is chaos, all consuming chaos that destroys everything.
Not your disgusting kink list. Not your disgusting safe words. Not your ropes. Not your latex. No. It’s “Oh we’re really doing this.” We are becoming of one flesh. We are melting together. We must become the same. We must become of one essence. We must return to the primordial unity.
I am already you. You were already me. I can not bear to watch you suffer what I must suffer. Give it to me. Let me carry it. Go away. Never call my name again. Leave. My only desire is your happiness. I am not in love with you. I became love itself. I was absorbed into it.
That is my fetish.
They’re trying to ban me as we speak.
I’m back from the deads. Had a surprising stroke nine days ago. My aorta and my arteries were ruptured from the hearth down to the legs. The doctors told me two thirds of people with this condition do not survive it.
I was a week on intensive care and three days in normal care. Returned to my home just two hours ago. I feel like resurrected. Just want to tell it to you all.
Damn. I hope you make a full recovery.
That does not sound good at all – thank God you survived.
Look after yourself, and I’m seconding wishes of a full recovery.
For strange reasons it feels like a redemption.
I don’t have to care any longer about my dark future because I don’t have a future anymore. Any overexertion can kill me.
I use this special condition to stop with tobacco, which was impossible before. If I restart with weed then I only smoke it pure.
When they asked me about booze I said “occasionally”. While all the screenings I asked them how my liver looks like, and they said “fine”. I really must have a superior liver which means I can careless continue with vodka, at least for a while.
I don’t know where this all will head, but currently I enjoy it.
Did they give you instructions about alcohol? Or are you just guessing it is okay?
I’m not some medical fascist but even if the alcohol hasn’t harmed your liver, it could still have been a big factor in your stroke. It would be good to find out.
But it is fantastic that you are stopping the tobacco, given that you have to to survive.
Diogenes, thank God you survived. God still needs you to be here. Please take good care of yourself, and eat properly, and don’t drink, and get rest and light exercise, and take the meds they prescribe.
Covid does that. Slowly eats out aortic arteries.
As Trump says; many such cases.
I frankly despise dating. I figure if God wants it to happen then we’ll be miracled into each other’s lives in some compelling fashion.
The idea of stepping into some competitive “market” for something that’s supposed to be intimate and personal frankly strikes me as dumb.
Imagine finding friends via an online Friend finder app. Even saying those words probably made your skin crawl, but isn’t romance supposed to be even deeper and more personal than friendship? Who the hell competes on a so-called friendship marketplace? That sounds soullessly impersonal and profoundly depressing.
If you actually believe in romance, don’t reduce romance to a mere question of human capital and algorithmic placement. Take it seriously, and let it mean something in your life
You’re an idealist.
I wish you the best.
I sincerely hope you idealists accumulate enough power to disregard pessimists such as myself.
But Im not holding my breath
You are of course correct. That’s why I spent about a decade of my life avoiding the apps. But I’m not growing any younger and I increasingly mourn all the missed opportunities. I have to give this a try.
Good luck for your date, hopefully it works out for you.
And if you’re still struggling with suicidal thoughts everyday and regretting having missed out on various fun activities when you were younger, you should consider travelling abroad for several months. Thailand is overrated IMO, South America would be my preferred destination. Seriously, if you’re suicidal, what do you have to lose? Don’t feel guilty for the carbon footprint of the flights, you’ve already suffered enough. This is what I hope to do once I have enough savings. Anything that will give you a reason to keep living. The passport bros have a point, dating is way easier over there than it is here. Make a profile on “Seeking” and change your location to cities in Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia etc. Look at how beautiful those women are.
Thanks my friends. I really do consider all of you LSWMs my friends of sorts. I’m so grateful there are people who care about what I have to say.
I don’t see how I will still be alive more than a few months from now. I can’t rule it out but I don’t really see it.
My antidepressants don’t work. It’s all useless.
I also realise I don’t seem to crave sex itself as much as I thought I did.
Rather, I crave a kind of naivety about how the world works. I want to forget what I have learned.
I’m really sorry to hear that Rintrah. If your psychiatrist offers you ECT as a last resort it’s probably worth the risks. Hopefully things improve for you over the Summer, try and spend as much time outdoors and away from screens as possible.
I don’t recommend ECT or trans-cranial magnetic whatever.
Those are primitive brute force attempts to push a mind into conformity with a materialistic and capitalistic system.
All “systems” are arbitrary, and in this sense, it doesn’t matter what “system” a mind gloms on to.
But I have a friend with Bipolar who underwent the Transcranial Magnetic whatever, and he is still on multiple anti-psychotics.
He’s “OK” but the drugs have dampened down his mind to the point where he is just “OK”
That said, if someone is truly fucked up…you gotta do what you gotta do.
Personally, I don’t think Rad is yet at that stage.
But I could be wrong.
I once came close to being ushered by the “System” into ECT.
I thank my lucky stars I resisted it
Some of you reading may disagree.
I had an Uncle who had shock therapy.
Ruined him for life – institutionalized.
Do not accept their bloody hammer.
Roky Erickson – Bloody Hammer
It was done to my grandmother also. She and her son (and myself) had serious problems.
I can’t imagine her strapped in and convulsing.
Could you please at least try energy training for a while? I mean, before just resorting to outright frying your brain.
And by energy training, I mean doing the waterfall method exercises regularly to build up strength, plus setting up a god bubble once in a while to work on 1) restoring your emotional body, and removing negative entity attachments to your emotional body specifically, and 2) removing the residual negative energy left over from the shroom trips (its usually a rainbow-colored mushroom-y energy). There’s probably other stuff going on too, but without knowing you in person I don’t know much about your exact situation energetically speaking. Depending on what else there is, you’d gradually erase through that as well.
Or you can do ECT as well if you want, but I swear it’s always so hard to get people to consider energy stuff ;_; even though it works. And I just have to sit here watching you suffer for years while talking about how there is “no solution”
I think that you meant to reply to Rintrah’s comment instead of mine, but OK, I will try out some of these techniques and methods that you recommend. Perhaps you are on to something. If I have any questions or problems I will message you on Substack. Hopefully it will help my mental health problems and insomnia. Thanks. But I am still confused about your world view and belief system. Christians believe that good and evil are engaged in a cosmic battle and that good will ultimately triumph over evil and that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ will bring an end to all suffering. Yet you claim that apparently evil has already PERMANENTLY won this battle????? And you were sober when you arrived at these conclusions of yours??? Sorry I am just confused because you criticised Revelation and claimed that it was written by another John, not the Apostle John, just because some Biblical scholars say so. But the Second Coming is discussed throughout the entire New Testament, not just Revelation. And yet you trust the Gnostic books which were written by anonymous authors long after the original Apostles were all martyred. And those anonymous authors falsely took the… Read more »
Fuck, I erased my substack a little bit back. I just remade it though, I’m here https://substack.com/@tryptie. What was your username again? Or you can just add me I think. I’ll keep an eye on it from time to time. And by all means reach out with any questions you have about that stuff I really like sharing what I know about this topic. But I am still confused about your world view and belief system. Ok so! A lot to unpack. I’m simplifying a bit but here’s the basic rundown: It’s more complicated. We are currently held prisoner in some strange dark corner of existence by a psychopathic force. This psychopathic force repeatedly reincarnates into these meat-suits and mind-wipes us, and puts an incredible amount of effort into gaslighting and deceiving everyone here at all times, thus most of what people believe to be true is actually a series of elaborate lies. This is a spiritual energy-harvesting operation, and even basic things about history, physics, cosmology, biology, and so on contain massive lies. I’m not sure how they managed to fool everyone about this for so long, but I’ve seen the laws of physics and biology break enough times… Read more »
Thank you for the detailed response, I’ve sent you a DM.
Very interesting, thanks Tryptie.
I’ve seen at least 8 therapists in my lifetime.
I’ve also been prescribed a dozen drugs.
SSRI’s, tricyclics, MAOI’s, SNRIs, and Serzone.
I am currently taking Mirtazapine and Cyproheptadine to sleep.
It never made any difference.
But that’s just me and my peculiar development.
I said in another comment that you should research “object relations theory”
This has been the one source of psychoanalytic theory that has made sense of my life.
I am still working through it.
It has been a lifeline for me after decades of depression and confusion.
Hope it works for you.
Also, you should keep in mind the possibility that you are brighter and more intelligent than the NPC therapists you talk to.
Folks like you and I are left adrift, attempting to chart a course which may be different from the herd.
Or maybe we should join the herd?
Thats another possibility.
If you do end up kicking it we’ll all miss you and your writings Mr. Radagast sir.
You could try Retardmaxxing.
Good luck with the female.
Retard maxing works. Trust me, it does.
“I don’t see how I will still be alive more than a few months from now. I can’t rule it out but I don’t really see it.” Why would you say that? Are you on your death bed in the hospital dying from some underlying illness? Or were you implying that you’re planning on committing suicide in the next few months? Is it because you did something so horrible that you can’t live with yourself? Because if it’s not that, you’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain from living this life and using it as an opportunity to do something great. If you really do have all that money why don’t you spend it on something interesting, not things, but experiences. You could go anywhere and do anything, and yet you mope, in your sheltered little big city village. I agree with another commenter praising the virtues of exploring South America. I think you should do it. Peru. Bolivia. Brazil. Chili.Though I’d recommend staying away from Columbia. If you have a million dollars, or even $500,000 and you are thinking about ending your life, there is no excuse for not doing something interesting and exciting while you are… Read more »
I’m sorry for posting that mean / passive aggressive / sarcastic reply to you the other day. I was quite sleep deprived at the time and regret typing it now. Please forgive me.
Adderall can help severely resistant depression combined with OCD (which combo you appear to have). I’ve seen it happen. Please ask for some to try.
Bring some nice chocolate on the date; most women like chocolate.
Men don’t age all that well either and the way they smell changes too, but people seem to be able to enjoy themselves at any age if they aren’t depressed. You aren’t miserable because you’ve missed out on particular sexual experiences; you are miserable because you’re miserable. If you can get the depression under control you can make up for all the missed experiences, maybe not in precisely the way you are hoping to here, but in a good enough way. Stay alive and keep trying; it is worth it.
Thanks Karen, I will bring chocolate. That’s a good idea.
On the date, if you like one another, you can find out what she likes best and bring some of that on the next date and each following date, with clever variations. It may be chocolate every time, but it may be a pastry. Do not forget a single time!! I personally don’t like chocolate but love marzipan, but I am a freak and that is not usual so actually find out. A book of poetry on the second date is not a bad idea; something old and not creepy that you actually like. If this lady is not the right person then go on some more dates and bring chocolate on the first dates, until you find the lady for you. And earrings at some point, when you find her. These are not stupid bribes; these are tokens of caring and affection and consideration. Women marry when they find the right guy. Men are different. They reach a certain age when they are meant to marry, and they will not marry before then, no matter how great a woman is available. That is why you see young guys dump women who are devoted to them and who are by… Read more »
Hey, first of all good luck with your date and everything, hope it is fun. I’m confident that you’re misattributing the true source of your pain. I know what you’re feeling. The fleshly division between yourself and the external world can sometimes hurt like a circumcision scar, can’t it? Not physically, it’s more like a spiritual wound that never fully heals. I think sensitive people do frequently feel this way. I know that this feels like it has to do with dating and sex, and in many ways it does, but I know what you’re talking about and you’re only seeing the tip of an iceberg to something which goes much deeper than that. But if I’m right, and your last two paragraphs make me pretty confident that I am, then what you’re actually missing is a form of connection and existence that cannot be accessed in this realm at all. That’s why it sometimes feels so otherworldly and inaccessible. So even though you feel like, ‘if my adolescence had gone differently, and my first crush had done this, and blah blah blah,’ I’m not sure that what you’re wishing for would have resolved how you feel as comprehensively as… Read more »
Thanks. You are right, in that it does seem to go deeper. I feel divorced from something loving, feminine and youthful, at a spiritual level.
Just go to Israel and hook up with a nice Yemeni girl:
I think you might enjoy playing Alan Wake 2
You can choose to take your own advice and bother women in their early 20s. Boys their age are retards, and it is very easy to have your pick. Why not try falling in love with a younger woman? It may not cure your depression, but it’s worth a shot.
I had a lot of intense sex with a variety of women in my twenties. Hasn’t improved my life. Would trade it for meeting my wife earlier and starting a family sooner.
I was in Colombia about 2 months ago for a few days and there were some beautiful women for sure. It is a centre for plastic surgery, corruption, and drugs so a person needs to be very careful. Outside of the major cities, most people don’t speak English so your Spanish needs to be up to speed. I had major trouble understanding the country people due to their accent. I don’t think they were as used to having foreigners as in the city (Medellin).
I had seen one woman who had her chest, lips, and butt done coming back to the States. The glutes looked very strange since her legs were normal looking. I had to consciously not stare at her.
Beautiful country though.
I wish I could post a link to Eric Hoffer’s autobiography, Truth Imagined, but I am not seeing it online except on Internet Archive and there you have to sign in. I read it years ago. Yes, I know he wasn’t right about lots of things but this was his personal life. In the beginning of it the he describes his own utter despair and it was really very, very, very deep. He sets off on the road out of town with bad plans. But when he reaches the edge of town, suddenly he realizes he actually does want to live and he keeps walking and walking and goes on to have an actual life. That made a big impression on me; I read it after I needed it but kept it in mind, maybe for someone else. When I was in high school my parents sent me to a therapist; that wasn’t usual in those days like it is now but my parents were attuned to that kind of thing. The therapist was kind of an idiot and wore Birkinstocks but he did say something useful, which was “did you ever consider that your depression was situational?” Now, my… Read more »
“ It’s hard for me to blame mother nature, it all feels more like my own failure.”
Reconsider.
I had sex continuously from high school to my 30s and I regret almost all of it. If I could go back I would marry a virgin in my early 20s. Happiness is a woman with a low body count that loves you IMHO. Good luck on the date
It is funny how people who realize that they were totally wrong about something in the past, usually can’t see that that means they might be totally wrong now.
How was he “totally wrong” about engaging in sex as a young man?
I told you before that you were scared of or disgusted by sex and you dismissed it by calling it a weird accusation.
Charlie, HE said that his youthful path of many sexual partners was the wrong one.
And I wrote that his new view, the “chaste chaste chaste marry a virgin at 20” view was wrong. I think it is a stupid world view and not the way to deal with existence.
I think both of his views, past and present, are wrong.
My point was that he sees he was wrong in the past, but can’t see that he might now be wrong. Even though being wrong in the past is probably a good predictor of being wrong in the future.
You have decided that I am some sort of weird Catholic archetype and you can’t actually read what I am writing.
“I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness. I am descended from a long line of prestigious, European men.” – Elliot Rodgers.
>I don’t see how I will still be alive more than a few months from now.
Enough with this talk of necking yourself you fucking spoon.
You’re in the process of getting this shit figured out. As someone else has already said, the black pill takes some swallowing. You think you’re the first to do this?
As someone who has been through all this let me tell you that the fun is in figuring out the rules (and kinda accepting the evidence that pretty much everything your clueless boomer parents generation has told you about everything, is wrong) and then learning how to thrive within them.
Also: there’s a lid for every pot. Oy vey.
If you meet this girl for a date, maybe you could try giving this girl something.
Lots of male animals give things to the female of the species as an offering during mating rituals.
There is a type of male spider who offers a prey item wrapped up in silk to the much larger and more dangerous female of the species. He has sex with her while she unwraps it. Sometimes the silk parcel is empty – the crafty little bugger.
Anyway, if not a prey item as an offering, perhaps flowers?
You bring her a six-pack of 4X Gold. It provides you with guaranteed access to her map of Tasmania:
I forget that you’re a kid.
All things being equal, you have many decades of adventures yet to come.
Start by giving this girl a box of chocolates and a long-stemmed rose – Leonard Cohen, the old smoothy, reckoned we all want those.
I notice that Karenica has recommended chocolate as well, so it gets the woman’s vote.
And avoid starting at too much doom. It pains me to say it, having taken that route myself for a couple of decades, but it has not helped me make a good decision yet.
There’s more hope and joy and fun to be had than you may realize.
You could sweep this girl off her feet and take her somewhere wild.
A lot of bad things are other people’s ideas and problems. And Fucko was right to criticize logic the other day. Too much logic and reason are not good things.
Too much negative ‘left brain’ style thinking seems to be a dead end.
That seems to be the lesson of the zeitgeist.
Good advice overall, but I would save any flowers for future dates if this one is good. Chocolate is something anyone might like, and that the lady can enjoy even if the date doesn’t click, but a rose is kind of pushy and obvious.
Also, not a box of chocolates, if there are other options. ! A little plate of very nice chocolates, or a big piece of a specialty chocolate, or something else interesting. A box is a “purchase”. Some very nice chocolates are just something that another person might like.
Sorry to be so obsessive about this but he might as well make a signal that matches what he should be thinking, and what the lady would prefer he were thinking. If he is still with her on her birthday or some holiday he can get her a big box if she does like chocolates.
All good. In matters concerning romancing a woman, I am happy to defer to the views of a woman.
Although reserving, as always, my inalienable right of criticism and censure 😛
>therapist no longer thinks I’m autistic
I never thought you were really autist. Autism is overdiagnosed these days.
Rather, I thought you were on the schizophrenia spectrum? Schizoid PD, maybe?
“ My mother who made me feel I was never good enough at satisfying her expectations, let alone any other woman’s?”
Sorry to hear this.
Research “object relations theory”
Object relations theory is a branch of psychoanalytic psychology focused on how human beings internalize relationships — especially early relationships with caregivers — and then unconsciously carry those relational patterns into adult life. The key idea is: We do not merely relate to other people as they actually are. We relate to internalized emotional models of people formed very early in life. In this theory, the word “object” does not mean a thing. It means a person (or part of a person) who is emotionally significant — usually mother, father, caregiver, lover, etc. ⸻ Core Idea A child’s mind gradually builds an internal world composed of: • images of caregivers • emotional expectations • fantasies about love, abandonment, safety, shame, rejection, engulfment, etc. • a sense of self formed in relation to those others These internal “objects” become templates for later relationships. So later in life: • a romantic partner, • boss, • friend, • authority figure, may unconsciously evoke those earlier emotional structures. Object relations theory asks: “How did the person’s inner world of relationships get built?” ⸻ Simple Example Imagine a child whose caregiver was: • loving sometimes, • emotionally cold other times, • unpredictable. The child may… Read more »
“ Here’s how it works. You register on fetlife.com. This is the sort of bullshit women and degenerates like, BDSM. Fetlife is full of 18, 19, 20 year old women, many of them too neurodivergent to get along with the guys in their own direct social context, who grew up as teenagers reading Fifty Shades of Grey. They want a “Dom” to tell them what to do. They want a “Dom” to take their virginity. They want a “daddy” who is older than them. But if you want this bullshit, you will have to integrate into this alien tribe. It is like being airdropped above the forests of Papua New Guinea. Strange people with strange customs.”
I’m sorry, dude. It’s hard to choke down the blackpill.
I feel you.
Cheer up with some old school rock.
https://youtu.be/E-rTKd-Alk8?si=Jdspn7lzDnOzePit
Love it.
I love this too
https://youtu.be/HUtqdiMqof0?
Between a tight gentle faggot and wall-age femoids for therapy, you chose the former; there was no third option. This genuinely put a funny grimace on my face, for real.
I’ll catch up with the rest later.
“It is like being airdropped above the forests of Papua New Guinea. Strange people with strange customs.”
Now there is a location for you.
Probably one of the last wild places left.
The system hasn’t really got its hooks into things up there.
You cannot have safety and that kind of wildness, but if I was young and free, I’d head up to the Torres Strait and bounce around between there and Oz.
Suicide is a mortal sin by Catholic doctrine – meaning those who kill themselves are condemned by God for eternity. This has always stuck with me.
I never get depressed, except once in my life, and for no particular reason.
It was a strange, horrible experience, like being in a dark bottomless pit with my soul crumbling. There was nothing I did about it but I somehow reemerged after about three days.
I never take drugs and I’ve never seen a therapist. I know that I understand very little about the world but i can feel power in the skies and magic in the woods.
You get sent to hell, where you are reborn into a new human.
This is hell:
Retard, I completely disagree.
The people and animals living amongst all that trash and poverty are experiencing life just as fully as bewildered and adrift rich people in Malibu and probably more so.
There are kids playing and chattering, families living life, dreams and goals achieved, good meals enjoyed, moments of glory and heartache.
Trash is only litter. And in places like India there are tigers still thriving in jungles. The sandy Middle East where people hate each other seems like a hellscape to me.
This guy would disagree with you:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nYKYnXClA5c
That’s not god making those decrees, that’s Satan. You can tell, because he’s a fucking psychopath. Suicide might still be a bad idea, but it’s more for tactical reasons (dying with a lot of attachments and grief that could potentially make it harder to navigate your way out of this hell realm), not moral ones. And we can’t be ‘condemned to hell’ if we’re already in one. They program us all with that stuff from a young age, it can take a long time to deprogram, you know?
Depression is really horrible, I would never wish it on anyone. When you’re in it it doesn’t feel like it is possible to leave. It’s good that your experience with it was only very brief. In the same way, I also think that when you’re in samsara it feels like it’s not something you can leave, even though it ultimately actually is. I hope we all will one day.
> We can’t be ‘condemned to hell’ if we’re already in one.
We are not in Hell.
You are of course wrong. You’re always wrong.
We’re not in the ‘biblical depiction’ of hell, but this place is absolutely a hell realm. That is what I mean when I say we are in hell. Our souls originate from an incomparably better version of reality, and we ended up getting caught up in this false realm whose design and structure is inherently wrong and evil. Even beyond stuff like the existence of suffering, disease, and death, or how life needs to consume other life to survive, there is also the fact that the world itself is ‘spiritually dead’ in a specific way that is very difficult to explain unless you’ve seen and understood what a ‘spiritually alive’ world would look like by contrast. The flesh we are born into is like being encased in a coffin, of sorts. There are literaly demons all over the place. It’s very messed up. But it is not a permanent or inalterable state of affairs, so by using the term hell I don’t mean to convey that it is.
Forgive me, I can’t resist.
If the rule you followed brought you to having your nuts cut off, of what use was the rule??
You might be able to sing like this as a castrati if you had had it done earlier, before the age of 10.
https://youtu.be/KLjvfqnD0ws?si=L8nJ5SGcDXcMxMXG
It’s crazy that such operations are still legal.
The very fact that something like gender dysphoria even exists, is exactly in line with this being a hell realm. It is actually insane that we are not able to freely choose the form we appear as to ourselves and others.
I’m only trying to help you understand where you are and what you can do. But by all means, have fun rotting in this place if you’d like.
How would I, Charlie, explain gender dysphoria? It’s an interesting question. About 20% of gen Z identifies as queer, which is an incredible number. I attribute that mostly to chemical pollutants, but what about the 1% or so of prehistoric humans who apparently were also queer before those chemicals existed? It doesn’t serve any evolutionary purpose, as far as I can see, but I certainly don’t believe any nonsense about Satan and gender misassignment in a hell realm. Call me a boring normie if you like, but my only explanation is that the human brain is a very delicate thing and sometimes things go wrong hormonally during pregnancy. We are prone to all kinds of diseases and various damage, always have been. This world is wonderfully imperfect but it’s not a hell realm. Would God want us to thrive perfectly without challenge? Of course not. What would be the point? He might as well be moving dead wooden pieces around a cosmic chessboard devoid of feeling and opportunity. What kind of game is that? The world is about struggle, challenge, and hardship. How could it be otherwise? Short answer: queers are fucked up and there’s probably no real cure, anymore… Read more »
Charlie, please try to attack the ideas instead of the person underneath.
“You’re always wrong.”
I have been toying with an observation and had crafted a post about it, but it got eaten by the spam filter here.
If it doesn’t turn up, then I’m sure there will be more opportunities to raise it.
In short though, I think you are onto something here.
Maybe not so much ‘wrong’ though as caught in a pattern of not seeing clearly – although I’m not saying any of what Tryptie says is right either.
More along the lines of whether reality is better understood through participation in it or through abstraction from it.
Let’s imagine a young man wants to go on a date. There is theorizing about it and there is actually doing it.
Actually doing it leads to relationship and participation. Endless theorizing about it can just as easily lead to estrangement and negation.
Where it ultimately resolves could depend, perhaps, on the type of attention the young man brings to the situation in the first place.
I know which mode of attention I’d prefer.
Please continue, Wombat.
Don’t worry about offending anybody. We may not have this forum for much longer.
Okay, here is the rough idea – sorry if it gets spat out again by the spam filter and basically repeated. I agree that the Gnostic view seems to be a kind of mistake. Not necessarily because the people supporting it are irrational or illogical. In fact, they often appear highly rational and highly logical, paying close, almost scientific attention to metaphysical questions. But I suspect they’re approaching certain questions with too much abstraction. And I suspect that too much abstraction, and not enough direct experience, can lead to extreme and negative distortions. Taking a leaf from McGilchrist’s framework, without enough direct experience the map starts to replace the territory. Too much of this mode of thinking seems to be going on more broadly in society. I suspect it’s connected to many of the internet’s doomer and techno-Gnostic undercurrents. In this sense, the neo-Gnostic seems less like the inheritor of some ancient religious tradition and more like the child of our highly abstract, disembodied modern age. We see this theme here repeatedly. There’s a striking contrast between those who begin with thought experiments and those who begin with lived experience. Our resident Quaker mystic starts with embodied presence, relationship, and… Read more »
A couple of things: + You haven’t actually presented any arguments. All you have said is, that you are more sympathetic to another perspective that you refer to as “the mystical view” because you think it will make people happier. That’s not how truth works. + Much of what I say comes from direct, embodied experience, including directly supernatural experiences and other experiences which go beyond the physical realm, rather than being derived from a pessimistic intellectual model as you insinuate. + My experiences and understanding are unique and some of what I say will deviate from whatever your idea of a typical “neo-gnostic” happens to be. I am not a “doomer”. + This reality is not “a mistake”, it is intentionally designed by a malevolent being to entrap people like you. It only helps their efforts, that you are blind to the evil nature of this reality and the suffering it inflicts on the majority of its inhabitants. + Most humans like to bullshit themselves and others in everything they do in life, they do this incessantly. If you’re going to be one of them too, you’re only fucking yourself in the end. Finding the truth is difficult enough… Read more »
I don’t think you’ve quite understood my point. I’m not arguing that the mystical view is true because it makes people happier. In fact, I explicitly said that better psychological outcomes do not prove a worldview true. My question is slightly different. You say your conclusions arise from direct experience. Fair enough. But many people who have had spiritual or mystical experiences arrive at very different conclusions. Some arrive at a vision of participation, connection, and meaning. A minority arrive at a vision of imprisonment, cosmic horror, and entrapment. That doesn’t prove anything either way. A tyranny of the majority doesn’t make you wrong, but it does suggest that experience alone does not override interpretation. The interpretive step is vitally important. Ultimately, I cannot convince you that your religion is not true any more than I can convince any other believer. I have my own faith, which seems to be some loose kind of Christianity, and I doubt anyone could simply talk me out of it. I don’t really know where it comes from – it’s something I’ve absorbed, found compelling, and see reflected in the happenings of this world, but how I interpret it shapes how I think and… Read more »
This is a very thoughtful and considered reply, Wombat. I disagree with you on a number of minor points, but I don’t have the energy to get into the weeds with you about it. I do however want to address two things you said. 1) “ You say your conclusions arise from direct experience. Fair enough. But many people who have had spiritual or mystical experiences arrive at very different conclusions. Some arrive at a vision of participation, connection, and meaning. A minority arrive at a vision of imprisonment, cosmic horror, and entrapment. That doesn’t prove anything either way. A tyranny of the majority doesn’t make you wrong, but it does suggest that experience alone does not override interpretation. The interpretive step is vitally important.” I will use this fair observation as a springboard to challenge Tryptie (and others). I know Tryptie is quite familiar with Tony Sayers and many others in the so-called “Soul Trap/Prison Planet” community. Tryptie, you of all people should be aware that countless analyses of countless NDE reports demonstrate that encounters with religious figures like Jesus or Buddha during the NDE’s (as well as encounters with supposedly dead ancestors and family members) are pretty much… Read more »
2) “ also wonder whether your interpretation gives sufficient weight to the good as well as the bad. There is certainly suffering, cruelty, tragedy, and injustice in life. But there is also beauty, love, friendship, creativity, humour, wonder, and genuine human connection. Any truthful account of reality has to explain both. Of course, you can respond that these good things are merely illusions or tools of enslavement created by malevolent entities. But that strikes me as too convenient. A framework that can explain away every apparent good as being secretly evil begins to look less like an explanation of reality and more like a system insulating itself from challengers, and from the lessons of experience itself.” This is fair on the face of it. I think (IMHO) the question you are asking can be settled with reasonable certainty by an examination, not of logic or theory, but by the countless little details of this world. In other words, the question is resolved not by philosophers and theologians arguing in the abstract, but by real “detective work” with the proverbial magnifying glass examining the many little “clues” in this world. I have referred numerous times to the following book (which Big… Read more »
Good comment Wombat, but I have to push back when you say “Your Chigurh quote is relevant here as well. Of what use is a rule if following it leads only to despair? What use was all that logic if it leaves a person unable to participate in life?”
As I recall, the original meaning of the Chigurh quote was applied — not to logic — but to moral principles.
And under that reading, I’ve seen the truth of it play out countless times in my decades of living.
It does appear that this “realm” or “reality” or “Universe” rewards amoral “psychopaths.” At the very least, it hardly ever punishes them to the extent that a clear-eyed accounting of the world as a whole would conclude that we live in a “just” Universe.
This is one of the facts of this reality which inclines me towards neo-Gnostic conceptions of the universe.
Or, as Rust Cohle once put it: “Why should I live in history, huh? I don’t want to know anything anymore. This is a world where nothing is solved.”
Assuming this to be true, this presents a fundamental epistemological problem I don’t think the unsophisticated members of the “Soul Trap Community” have properly wrestled with. To wit: how does the individual ascertain what is “real” versus “not real” if the “Matrix” (or whatever word you prefer to describe the “Higher Intelligence” directing things) has such complete shape-shifting ability? What is your “bedrock” or “standard of evidence” to tell whether an entity is “real” or “not real?” I’m glad you’re asking this Mehen, because it means you’re thinking seriously about these topics which is something few people are willing to do. What you’re talking about is actually a major problem. I’ll give you some of my thoughts. Leaving this place won’t be simple. You shouldn’t trust anything out there, no matter what it looks like or feels like, or who it says it is. Assume that you are on your own and that everything else you encounter is a demon (for a while, at least until you recover your memories, which I will talk about more below). Your general goal should be to attempt to exit all layers of the matrix (as there could be more than one nested ‘simulation’),… Read more »
The Catholic church only considers suicide to be a mortal sin if the person does it intentionally. The Church does not consider people who do it involuntarily as a result of extreme distress or depression to have committed a mortal sin.
It is really amazing how many Catholics don’t actually know much about Catholicism. It’s not due to lack of trying on the part of the Catholic Church; their reasoning is subtle and ends up in good places and they offer classes to explain these things. But most Catholics only learn a few simple things and nothing more and then as a result they think the the Church is limited and unhelpful.
Karen, that’s probably “new Catholicism” that you looked up on the internet that says suicide is not a mortal sin and is fine with homosexuality also.
The Vatican Council of 1962 did away with Latin mass and decided to be opposed to capitalism for “the common good,” among other things.
No, it isn’t. I have a friend who was raised Catholic and he is 78 years old and he used to teach “how to become a Catholic” classes. I checked this and he confirmed it. Also my husband was raised Catholic and he is astoundingly well educated (including in Catholic doctrine) and he says the same.
Please actually learn something instead of just winging it. You can really damage someone by telling them the wrong thing about these kinds of matters.
Karen, that is modern Catholic doctrine, not traditional.
And I damage Rintrah by encouraging him NOT to kill himself on the basis that it’s sinful?
Please prove what you just wrote. It is not what I have been told by people who would know. You are just claiming this. Claiming it repeatedly does not make it true.
The Catholic Church has always told the “simple rule” to children and peasants. The “real” doctrine behind the simple rule in almost all cases is more complicated. It is true that historically a lot of parish priests were not educated and so they may have only known the simple rule themselves (to everyone’s detriment). You are turning Roman Catholicism into a religion for cretins.
You have said that you are not religious, that you are not a Roman Catholic anymore, but you turn to what you (in some cases mistakenly) think are its doctrines pretty often. Maybe you should think about what that means. The Roman Catholic Church does say that lapsed Catholics will go to hell. Picking and choosing is hypocritical.
Going with AI here,
“In Catholic tradition, suicide is an objectively grave offense against the Fifth Commandment (“Thou shalt not kill”) and the belief that God is the ultimate master of life.
However, the Church NO LONGER universally classifies it as an unforgivable mortal sin.”
That is MODERN, the Church approaching a death cult, almost encouraging distressed people to get it over with and enter the Kingdom of Heaven, meet Jesus at the Pearly Gates.
“According to Catholic theology, lapsed Catholics do not automatically go to hell. While willingly separating oneself from the Church or habitually missing Sunday Mass without a valid reason is considered a grave or mortal sin, eternal damnation requires dying in that state without true repentance or seeking God’s forgiveness.”
It’s quite a bit different from Islam WHICH YOU NEVER CRITICIZE, wherein lapsed followers are to be killed, their throats slit.
The Holy Father himself, the Pope, has said that AI is perilous. The Holy Roman Catholic Church’s doctrines are immortal and unchanging. It’s just the interpretations that change. According to them anyway. I am trying to figure out your reasoning; it makes no sense at all to me. It’s like: “There is this religious denomination that I revere. However, I have rejected it. It has a lot of doctrines that if you ignore they say it will lead to your damnation; doctrines concerning sex and marriage and beliefs and mass attendance and suicide and blah blah blah. I personally ignore almost all of those, that is, the ones prefer to ignore. I don’t think there will be any consequences to ignoring those doctrines. However, there are a few doctrines concerning things that I don’t like and you should pay attention to those ones. Why? Well, because of the Church. Which I have rejected, and most of whose doctrines I think are silly.” You could go over to the Unitarian Church’s website and pick some doctrine you like from there, too, and wave that around. You wouldn’t like their other doctrines, but so what, you don’t pay attention to plenty of… Read more »
I think RR is fucking with us, and I don’t give a damn about his pathetic dating life, because it’s still better than mine.
Nobody’s commented on how his therapist doesn’t actually believe he’s autistic??
It is possible to be healed in this life, and find joy presently.
Now am I come up in Spirit
through the flaming sword
into God’s paradise.
All things are new. All creation
gives another fragrance than
before — beyond words.
Now I know nothing but pureness,
innocency, and righteousness,
being renewed up
in God’s image by Christ Jesus,
so that I can say, I’ve come up
to Adam’s state before he fell.
Yes, and I am taken up in Spirit to see
a more steadfast state than Adam’s
in innocency: even into a state in Christ
Jesus, that should never fall.
And the Lord shows me
that such as are faithful to him,
in Christ’s power and Light, should
come up into Adam’s state before he fell —
in which the admirable works of creation
and the virtues thereof may be known
through the openings of that divine word
of wisdom and power by which they were made.
George Fox (1624-1691)
“ But what I’ve come to accept is that ignoring my own lustful desires doesn’t really work. It means I end up accidentally reading about guys on Reddit sharing stories about how in college they had two girls at the same time when they were nineteen and I get the suicidal urges again as I realize I missed out on a lot in my life. Trying to explain this to my therapist, a good looking young androgynous homosexual man with a kind-hearted soul, is somewhat difficult.”
Holy shit, this is relatable.
Therapists are faggot men. They are steeped in feminism.
If you are able, you can enter their world and live with illusions.
I don’t think someone like you is capable of living with illusions.
So we suffer as we must.
This is your best comment so far. You did it. Time to rest, now.
I’m genuinely perplexed why this brief comment of mine got 3 downvotes. Normally I can understand the downvotes due to my drunken outbursts, taboo-crossing and general irritability, but here I merely quoted a portion of the OP and said it was relatable. Perhaps I am more autistic than I thought. Can some kind reader give me an idea why my comment was offensive?
Well, I liked your comment about therapists and gave it an upvote.
Therapy struck me as fakery.
I couldn’t reconcile it with my ‘truth fetishism’, so it wasn’t for me.
Come to think of it, there’s not a whole lot to be gleaned either from the whole modern discipline of psychology. It’s a hopeless attempt at making something a science that shouldn’t be by wrapping it in some stats, deception, and so-called ‘experiments’, for which the majority of results cannot be replicated.
After a few simple probing questions, I once provoked this angry outburst from a psychology lecturer: “Psychology is a science!”. I hadn’t even suggested it wasn’t science, I’d just asked some questions, so their Freudian outburst was a significant tell that they knew deep down where critical thinking would inevitably lead and wanted to stamp that out fast.
I’d advise looking for answers elsewhere than those so-called psychology ‘therapists’.
An understandable response. However, as I have indicated upthread, I have found “object relations theory” (as distinct from “classical psychoanalysis”) to be highly fruitful in my understanding of my “weirdness”. It feels like things are finally “falling in to place.” People who favor agency/free will/ego tend to downplay the role early childhood imprinting determines how the developing infant/toddler makes sense of the world and itself, and how those imprints in their neurology determine the course of their lives. In my case, there were a number of “small shocks” in my childhood (which psychologists now refer to as “Complex PTSD” as distinct from the “Big” PTSD) . The very first, I now believe, was the fact that my mother returned to work a day or two after having given birth to me. The first few years of my life were a succession of various nanny’s and female family members who performed the maternal role my mother was meant to. It’s hard for me to believe this dynamic could not have had an effect on the infant who naturally seeks a consistent maternal object. I can’t say I’m certain, but the implicit logic explains a lot about the tragic arc of my… Read more »
Not reading all that – here is the summary:
The blog post is a stream-of-consciousness reflection that mixes personal struggles with commentary on Elliot Rodger’s case. The author claims Rodger “did nothing wrong” and frames the narrative around the idea that “nature always wins” and that attempts to control what isn’t meant to be controlled are futile. The post delves into the author’s own complex feelings about lust, desire, and suicidal urges, expressing frustration with societal pressures, failed relationships, and a sense of personal failure. It includes philosophical musings on sexuality, dignity, and the author’s belief that his struggles stem from his own intellectual and emotional shortcomings rather than external factors.