by Hugh Status-Whitemale, PhD
Senior Policy Advisor, European Council of Smart People
Throughout the European Union, we are witnessing a growing right wing populist backlash against immigration, fueled by resurgent nationalist sentiments and virulent Islamophobia.
Economists however, recognise migration as a vital ingredient of a healthy economy. Rather than being a source of economic concern, migration actually stimulates economic growth.
Pension schemes depend on a healthy demographic pyramid, with sufficient working-age people contributing a portion of their salary, for every retiree.
When the demographic pyramid ceases to look like a pyramid, the scheme becomes at risk of collapse.
With declining birth rates observed throughout Europe, immigration is today more vital to stimulate economic growth than ever before.
In addition, high debt burdens become more managable, when populations grow. Consider the country with the highest debt as a percentage of GDP: Japan. With its shrinking population, the debt becomes harder to pay off.
On the other hand, consider what would happen if our population were to double overnight: Our national debt per capita would halve.
Most of our continent’s wealth is tied up in real estate. The value of this real estate is a product of supply and demand. With more brown people in our countries, demand for physical space will increase, while supply will remain the same.
As any economist can tell you, this will cause prices to rise, increasing the value of our assets. This is essential for investors, who have often used debt to pay for their real estate and will need rising prices to help pay off these debts.
The banks that offered people mortgages similarly can not afford the value of their collateral to go down. They would be at risk of bankruptcy.
With more brown people in our countries, these risks can be averted. Consider this: Every brown person needs a place to live. Governments will have to reserve houses for brown people, which will help force young Europeans to borrow more money to pay for the remainder of available homes.
Critics have argued that more brown people in our countries comes with downsides too. For example, there is the widely feared risk of brown people blowing up.
Like spontaneous human combustion in the past, the issue of brown people blowing up can be addressed through technological developments. Bomb detectors and bomb sniffing dogs can help reduce such incidents.
The question economists have struggled to answer, is the optimal number of brown people in our country to maximise economic growth.
Despite claims otherwise from far right demagogues, brown people’s propensity for blowing up does not have to hurt our economic growth prospects.
History teaches us that every incident of a brown person blowing up stimulated more economic activity: New trains had to be built, airport security had to be expanded, etc. This also helped create new jobs.
Other issues are more complex to address. Right now, the supply of brown people is capped, at around five billion. Evidence suggests however, that the economic benefits of more brown people in our countries would exceed the costs at least until we reach a point of five trillion brown people across the EU.
To increase the number of brown people in our union by five trillion, would first require scaling up the production of new brown people by three orders of magnitude.
Our experience with solar panel production demonstrates such growth can be achieved within a few years.
Other issues to consider are physical space constraints. With excessive numbers of brown people in our countries, it would become hard to open your door to go to work, as piles of brown people would collapse into your home.
Our experience with superconductors tells us however, that improvements in technology and skills can allow us to achieve the same results with fewer material inputs.
On average, brown people are already physically smaller than racist low status white males and other outdated human resources.
This has many advantages. Smaller people burn fewer calories and consume less food. With new chairs, existing public transport could be used to move more people to their workplace.
Archeological evidence suggests the smallest brown people used to live on the island of Flores, but in a few years, it should become possible to transition to breeding gnome sized brown people.
The invention of gnome-sized brown people, which experts believe could be achieved before 2030, would allow us to build smaller houses. For example, consider the following house, designed for gnome-sized brown people:
This house can be constructed at low cost, using carbon-neutral biodegradable materials. Indigenous gnomes may have to be evicted from the European forests, but they are probably racist anyway.
The development of gnome-sized brown people, who can be housed in toadstools in the local park, would allow us to reconcile a growing economy with meeting our climate ambitions.
Unfortunately surveys show that consumers may not be ready yet for the introduction of gnome-sized brown people.
“When I walk down an alleyway at night and see a guy like that catcall me, I don’t get wet, because I don’t fear I’m about to get raped. I could just pick him up and throw him in a garbage bin.”
One woman stated. In fact, consumer trends suggest there is a growing appetite for larger brown people instead. Brown people above six feet in height are highly sought after.
There are other options to consider. An estimated 39% of Europe is currently covered by trees, a profound waste of space.
It could be possible to chop down these trees, to replace them by naked brown people standing on top of each other. Ecofascists among the far right would probably put up resistance against this, but if the brown people are instructed to hold leaves in their arms, it should be hard for anyone to tell the difference.
To make so-called “brown people trees” economically viable, it would probably first be necessary to increase the price of carbon.
Experiments in particle physics suggest it may also be possible to rip open a hole in the space-time continuum. This would allow us to evenly spread out brown people across different quantum realities, if the many-worlds interpretation proves to be correct.
We would have to be careful however, as alternative timelines may prove to include greater number of racist right wing populists, conspiracy theorists and ecofascists, placing a hamper on our ambition for five trillion brown people. The survival of various other branches of evolution can not be excluded either:
In conclusion, there are many reasons to be optimistic about the future. Nothing suggests that economic growth has to come to a halt.