Grave robbing for morons

Guys like me just like fucked up stuff. Between the moralizing of the left and the moralizing of the right, you’ve always had people who just want to enjoy themselves and be left alone. There’s this horror anthology series called VHS, it’s a bunch of sketches made to look like they were done in the 80’s and 90’s.

But the far more interesting stuff of course, is the real stuff. And that brings us to: Grave robbing for morons. I know this is not esoteric material anymore, it has 800,000 views by now, but I have to share it with you, precisely because it has 800,000 views and yet we know nothing about it.

This video is legendary, because we know it has been around for decades, but we don’t know anything about it. It can be traced back to the early 00’s online, but it was made in the pre-Internet era. We don’t know who the kid is, we don’t know whether it’s real and we don’t know who made the video or for what purpose. It just started showing up these screwed up DVD compilation tapes in the 00’s that people traded before Youtube existed, until it was eventually uploaded to Youtube.

It’s a bit like a clown in a park dancing in front of a lake at 1AM: You just can’t look away.

The earliest source we know of is some compilation DVD called “ensuring your place in hell”, the idea being that if you owned the DVD, you’re so screwed up that you’re going to hell.

It has four videos on it. The grave robbing video above.

Then there’s this weird video, the second one of the compilation, of some kids in a mortuary looking at bodies. It’s just gore, it’s not as interesting as the grave robbing for morons video and it’s kind of disgusting.

I once had to look at some bodies for an anatomy class in college myself as well. There was a Pakistani girl there too in our group and she just touched the penis of a naked old dead man, when the teacher said we can touch the bodies to see how dead skin feels.

Yes, this really happened, I watched a Pakistani girl touch the penis of a dead old fat man. She immediately looked at me afterwards, realizing this was rather embarrassing. This is how desperate browncel women are for white dicks, you are not even safe after death. I swear this happened. I told another girl about it a few days later and she just said that it’s “inappropriate and disrespectful” to do such a thing. Which is true, but doesn’t quite capture what went through my head.

Anyway, you can trace back the compilation video to 2007 here, through archive.org. Why am I bothering to tell you this? Have a look at the link. Just click on it, you’ll immediately remember how the Internet was supposed to be. Just a bunch of weird guys with obscure websites and strange ideas about the world, exchanging stuff with each other that should not exist.

No Youtube, no “social media,” no algorithms, search engines were shit, if you had a low IQ you were just not able to participate in the Internet and had other stuff going on in your life.

But there’s just stuff on that page, I would love to watch:

From Pranks To Felonies – A group of misfits taping their exploits as they smash pumpkins, destroy property, have bottle rocket wars, and make really bad superhero films. This is basically 90 minutes of amateur video shot by teens. The quality is decent, but the camera work leaves a lot to be desired.

Gidget Goes To Court – Real court room video of a black family trying to scam an insurance company. The family includes a girl named Gidget, her insane mother, and her father who wears a mask and throws a temper tantrum while running around the room and trying to beat up the camera man.

I managed to find Gidget Goes To Court:

I haven’t watched it yet, I’m just posting it here so I remember to watch it tomorrow, it’s already 1 AM.

But now there’s the bigger challenge: Where the hell is From Pranks To Felonies?

Look, this stuff matters. Because here’s the sort of dumb shit you people are going to watch when you open Youtube:

Visited ABANDONED mansion, found fentanyl needles

DYING MALL: How is Sears still operating?

JAPANESE mystery: The unsolved disappearance of Yoshi Watanabe

REAL GHOST CAUGHT ON TAPE!

Three SERIAL KILLERS who were never caught!

We visited the HAUNTED clown motel!

All just algorithm-exploiting clickbait bullshit.

You might as well just watch TV.

No people, take some effort.

Do it for me.

Look at everything I’ve done for you, now it’s time for you LSWMs in my comment section do something for me, for once.

Find me “From Pranks To Felonies”!

I need to see a bad VHS of American teenage boys from the 90’s smashing pumpkins and making bad superhero movies and getting in trouble with the law.

This is my birthright.

When I wake up, I expect to see a link to it in the comments, or at least an LSWM willing to sell me the tape.

5 Comments

  1. > From Pranks To Felonies – A group of misfits taping their exploits as they smash pumpkins, destroy property, have bottle rocket wars, and make really bad superhero films. This is basically 90 minutes of amateur video shot by teens.

    I’m guessing if you can’t find it, I won’t find it. I’ll leave it to your more anonymous lurkers to cough up the goods.

    The 90s stuff I’m only tangentially familiar with, but the descriptions you provide remind me a lot of the 80s BBS culture (at least in the States)

    You talk about a Wild West of Weirdos, well that was 80s BBS culture. If you haven’t seen it yet, I HIGHLY recommend Jason Scott’s documentary of that time, called “BBS: The Documentary” (available on YouTube). He captured it in loving detail, and I recognize and remember most of it. It was quite an exciting time.

    Jason also curates his website called TEXTFILES DOT COM which has archived all of the nonsense of that time.

    When I was a lad, those “textfiles” portion of the BBS was where I first learned how to make improvised explosives and how to pick locks. So awesome. I’m sorry you younger weirdos missed out on those more innocent times. There was always that “private” section of the BBS that usually required a password in order to gain access to what were called “G files” (…as I recall, my memory is spotty). There you had all the “anarchy” stuff.

    I can remember being a teen, all wowed and intimidated by these early 20s dorks speaking with authority on how to burn houses down, attack police officers, all sorts of mayhem, etc. and then later realizing they were the same misfit dorks as me, just older and more willing to entertain “dangerous thoughts”

    But it was a blast.

    Here is the “Anarchy” section from Jason’s archive. I wouldn’t believe a 10th of what you read there, but it is a nice slice of early “internet” culture captured in amber:

    http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/

    • Obviously I wasn’t even born when this shit was being written, but when I was around thirteen-fourteen remember enjoying reading stuff, being introduced to it from Encyclopedia Dramatica. “How To Terrorize McDonalds” was my favorite, showed it to all my friends and we laughed our asses off, good times.

      http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/JOLLYROGER/074.jrc

      I did consider myself an anarchist for a bit, A year afterwards when I’d matured a little and no longer considered myself one; I knew this girl with dyed hair who would sperg about anarchy and wanting to destroy the government. I thought she was silly, but I’d never wanted to smash a girl more in my whole life.

      • >http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/JOLLYROGER/074.jrc

        That’s a work of art. I can just imagine Eric Harris writing something like this

    • >I can remember being a teen, all wowed and intimidated by these early 20s dorks speaking with authority on how to burn houses down, attack police officers, all sorts of mayhem, etc. and then later realizing they were the same misfit dorks as me, just older and more willing to entertain “dangerous thoughts”

      This is how I always felt as a 13yo teen about people posting on forums about stuff I knew nothing about:

      “Wow these people are so smart, they must be real authorities!”

      Nah, just nerds in their twenties and dudes working as a “sysadmin” with a hobby.

  2. When I was a kid, around 12, we would go into Roman ruins to find skulls, human bones, and typical mosaics. Southern Europe is an open graveyard of civilizations.

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The patients in the mental ward have had their daily dose of xanax and calmed down it seems, so most of your comments should be automatically posted again. Try not to annoy me with your low IQ low status white male theories about the Nazi gas chambers being fake or CO2 being harmless plant food and we can all get along. Have fun!

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