There is too much suffering in this world. Yesterday I read an article about a ten year old boy who committed suicide, Sammy Teusch. His classmates had been bullying him because of his glasses and his teeth. A beautiful innocent boy, radiating goodness. His parents had contacted the school twenty times about this, to no avail.
So then I took some datura seeds, after which I drank a beer. Then when it kicked in, I took some ketamine. It was like I could hear all the suffering sentient beings in this world cry out. It was a strange experience, essentially it felt undeniable that this world is somehow cursed.
At some level I always wanted to be a weirdo, but it always breaks my heart when I look around me and realize that most people really just want to be normal but had the chance for a normal life taken away from them. You can see what happened in the past ten years, of people searching for cPTSD, complex post traumatic stress disorder:
There are just droves of people out there, who had their minds damaged in childhood.
A few years ago, back when I had the lazy bitcoin job, I vaporized some 5-Meo-DMT and it felt like I understood that God is love at an intuitive level and it felt like I really finally understand the world.
Then the next day I walked into the woods and I saw this mental institute built in the woods. So I looked it up on Google and stumbled on a news article about a young Dutch Christian woman who went to Africa for volunteer work. There she was raped by a group of construction workers and then she slipped into a kind of schizophrenic state, always hearing voices and self-injuring, until eventually she killed herself.
And then I realized I still understand nothing. I don’t understand why suffering and pleasure are handed out in this world in the manner that they are. This is the biggest suffering I can think of, when parents lose their child to suicide. It’s why I never committed suicide when I was young, because I always realized at some level it is a form of suffering so severe that I can not imagine doing it to my parents. You have to be kind of ignorant and innocent, to choose to have children. But when you do, it becomes your entire world.
I wish I could take away all the suffering of the sentient beings in this world, but I don’t know how. It’s not just on the news where I read about it, I notice it in my own direct environment too, people traumatized in childhood, people who lost their spouse, they are suffering, the lives they had wanted were taken away from them.
And there is never really a clear answer as to why it works like this. The universe has some order to it, it’s not just random chaos, the behavior of particles depends on the observations by sentient beings like us. We only ever see the map of the world the brain produces. But I don’t comprehend why that map has to be so dark.
I just really don’t comprehend, why any of it has to work the way it does. You can spend twenty years meditating in a monastery in Tibet, but when you open your eyes, it’s all there again. In fact, it’s all ugly now, but twenty years from now, it will just be uglier. I watched a video of the Dalai Lama in some ceremony and he seemed happy to see the local Tibetans there, but whenever he saw white people, the expression on his face seemed to signal discomfort, as if he can’t offer them what they are looking for.
And people always have to distract themselves. That’s what most human labor comes down to: Distraction from reality. Governments do everything in their power to make sure everyone has to sit or stand somewhere for 40 hours a week and has to think about something unimportant, because when you are free to think about the things that actually matter, you are horrified.
It’s the only answer anyone seems to have in this era: Just stay busy, don’t think about it. None of the major religions and philosophies are really satisfactory. God did not protect the Catholic church, this is clear from all the abuse scandals.
Human beings cloud their minds with fat from animals. The more animal fat you eat, the less you feel the punches life throws at you.
But I just take a lot of different drugs instead. Datura, ketamine, cannabis (I am now one week into a tolerance break), psilocybe mushrooms, LSD, mescaline, Changa and Salvia Divinorum. Those are the main ones.
I am not just taking drugs, I do read about the different philosophies man has come up with. But none of them are really satisfying. This world is strangely beautiful when seen from the right angle. But it is impure, all the beauty is mixed with suffering and cruelty.
I’ve been trying to explain this to you for a while dude. A variant of the gnostic interpretation, is the correct framework through which to view the world. But even most gnostics don’t really have a clue what they’re talking about. The external reality around you isn’t just a place, it’s also a person – a goddess, technically – the entire notion of viewing places, beings, etc. as ‘objects’ is a deception given to you by the evil one, in an attempt to cause you to behave psychopathically without realizing it. Now technically that goddess is dead at this point but, it’s kind of complicated what that actually entails in practice, and the entire realm is basically being raped by interdimensional forces and psychopathic entities that you aren’t normally able to perceive with your mundane senses (it’s a weird sex thing on a certain level, but they’re also trying to consume all of our souls literally, and parasitize the energy contained therein since this reality is, in its present form, also a farm for them). It’s this whole really complicated thing that manifests itself fractally on multiple levels, so you’ve got things like civilization raping the earth and enslaving all of the wildlife on earth but you also see it in people’s individual choices (there’s also a large degree of mind controlled involved here) and even in the underlying cosmic structure of the reality itself, which is set up to intentionally produce negative and limiting outcomes. So that’s basically what’s happening to God and the world around you right now, and it’s why people should be energy training and learning how to shield themselves from this shit, and maybe even spending some time looking for solutions to it all that go beyond the physical layer of this reality. It’s also why everything that feels good or pleasurable or sensual in this reality, carries negative physical, psychological and sometimes spiritual effects that are commensurate with the level of pleasure of the given activity, roughly speaking. This all is the real reason why Jesus tells you to ‘become like a little child’ and renounce lust, by the way. Whether he had the best or the only answer, I’ll leave up to you, but that’s what he was talking about. Regardless, the goal is to stop reincarnating here altogether and to exit this reality entirely. You don’t want to be in a place like this, trust me. And I’d expect the overall situation here to continue to deteriorate for the foreseeable future unless everyone magically decides to stop sucking and being morons, which is unlikely.
Yeah, you are right.
There’s something inherently just not right about this realm we inhabit.
It’s pretty easy to see, as soon as you leave the Netherlands. Places like Sudan and Congo are just hell on Earth. But even here, there is suffering everywhere.
And the only real way to cope with it is to just not notice it, which tends to mean drugging yourself.
In a sense, living in the Netherlands is like living in the Buddha’s palace. I can just at any moment get some cannabis and avoid thinking about what goes on outside my own bubble.
But I don’t really know what to make of it. The answer seems to be some sort of form of gnosticism or buddhism. It’s something in that direction.
> It’s pretty easy to see, as soon as you leave the Netherlands. Places like Sudan and Congo are just hell on Earth.
Yes, it does appear to be the case there is a tiny percentage of the global population that lead lives that most would say are “worth it.”
But they exist like the icing on a cake, the cake full of horrors and suffering!
Is THIS what “evolution by natural selection” amounts to?
That a small percentage of the “fittest” get to enjoy luxury beyond measure, built upon (in some way) the suffering of the masses? Who lead lives of quiet desperation? It certainly seems that way at first glance.
On the other hand, a Devil’s Advocate would point out there are plenty of brownoid farmers in Nowherestan (or whatever) who seem to have acclimated to their station in life, who seem to have somehow found peace in their being a cog in the Grand Machine.
(Perhaps this is the solution as offered by Dualist SYM — Conscious Constructs Of Meaning, I.e. subjective self-justification)
> The answer seems to be some sort of form of gnosticism or buddhism. It’s something in that direction.
Yes, exactly. I won’t presume to know the absolute truth, but I think you’re on the right track. As I have been for some years now.
And you just might end up like me, realizing Schopenhauer had it all figured out long ago.
https://youtu.be/0NBrce-ZHi0?si=MFTqphkWgb12GKZq
Instead of going dark and cynical, you realize we are all in this together, that no one asked to be born, that we are all victims of circumstance, and then you develop a kind of compassion for your fellow human, not unlike the Buddha.
Then maybe you will understand commenter Diogenes’ admonition that you extend your love of animals to the human animals, instead of being a misanthrope.
A tall order, I know. I wrestle with it myself every day.
The Netherlands and place it became the place it is because of the Hard work of the Judicial system executing criminals. And Exorcism of Demons.
Hellscapes needs to be purged of the evil. Whether by the sword or the Gospel.
So we and really all living creatures (since we all eat others to survive) are the maggots in the carcasse of the dead goddess, and our wiggles of misery charge the batteries of the evil aliens. Unfortunately that seems plausible. However, there is still definitely plenty of love, although maybe that is just present in order to make our wiggles of suffering more energetic. Have you written up a full explication of this anywhere? I keep copying your posts and putting them in my stored email but that doesn’t work well. It would also be good if you could turn it into a board game or a video game (The Realm of the Dead Goddess); you could explain it to more people that way.
The problem is that people no longer live dharmically. Without dharma people live frivolously. A frivolous life is a life of confused and pointless suffering. Most people nowadays don’t want a outward meaningful standard of behavior that they have to adhere to, they don’t want religion or philosophy, they are lazy and they want pleasure. But to try and live according to the understanding that there is no good or evil, but rather only pleasure and pain, can only result in a world without meaning and only pleasure and pain. That is the world we have now.
Meaning is not something inherent to existence, a rock doesn’t have a sense of meaning, meaning is an idea which is generated by the human brain. Different brains generates different senses of meaning, what you find truly meaningful is less important for your happiness than actually HAVING meaning and being able to live and think that your meaning is truly important.
The one trait that always tends to be associated with meaning however is it has to be something that is larger than your mere individual pleasure or pain, that’s what distinguishes it. Christ’s sacrifice is meaningful because he looked beyond the pain and the pleasure and allowed it all to wash over him as he sacrificed himself to achieve his plans. (Christ finding meaning in playing and winning the game forever.)
Much of the suffering in the world is also just karma. Cause and effect. Give and take. When lazy stupid scum sedate themselves with cheap high fat animal flesh filled with vaccines, steroids, and antibiotics that is going to cause them to suffer medical issues down the line. They feed off of suffering and they and their children suffer themselves. That’s just how it seems to work out, and there’s no obvious reason for why that is.
Right now we sacrifice the vulnerable to stave of our karmic debt, we sacrifice billions of animals, we sacrifice the joy of children, we sacrifice those that generate little noise in order to benefit those who make lots of noise. (Spoiled fat low status brown females and hysterical medium status homosexual males.)
I want a society where it is the most powerful and superior who sacrifice themselves over and over again, for their own benefit and the benefit of the whole. A society of Kings who throw themselves into the breach, and of SS officers who are the first over the trenches. That is Christian. That is Wotanic.
You can’t have a truly Christian society under a democracy, because democracy is always about spreading the suffering around until no one is truly happy. Democracy is when you have no real elites who are ready and willing to be Christ. When Kings claimed to be like Gods in the past, they were right. The peasants need someone who is willing to burden themselves with deeply thinking about things, with finding meaning for them, and for taking the blame when things go wrong.
> I want a society where it is the most powerful and superior who sacrifice themselves over and over again, for their own benefit and the benefit of the whole. A society of Kings who throw themselves into the breach, and of SS officers who are the first over the trenches.
Would you really want a reality where you have to repeatedly watch the people you like and admire the most, suffer the most as though being willingly thrown into a meat grinder to keep everything else running along like a finely tuned machine?
The alternative is pointless and stupid cruelty. The elites who suffer on the behalf of the masses and on behalf of themselves in a dharmic society are admirable because of their beautiful and superior qualities, one of those qualities being the willingness to sacrifice themselves.
I could not admire a man who is not driven by duty to sacrifice himself for his wife and child when the time comes. A man who would not do that would not be worthy of my admiration. Therefore, the choice is, do I live in a world where there are men at all worthy of admiration? The answer is yes.
For their sacrifice nobles are awarded with social position, wealth, and immortality, both biologically (Plenty of children), and memetically (Being remembered and people taking on their identities epigenetically through acting like they did).
Christ will always live because of his sacrifice. It was just as much a selfish act as it was selfless. It’s to their benefit too. A glorious death in battle or taking up the burdens of leadership and blame is a paltry cost. One I would gladly take myself, it’s a cost any man who concerns himself with duty and virtue would gladly pay.
“A king is the first servant and first magistrate of the state.”
– Fredrick the Great
“we sung Ich hatt’ einen Kameraden”
https://youtu.be/3Y1Z1y2PSNw
Without suffering there can be no life. Just as there can be no light without darkness there can be no pleasure without suffering.
Gibberish new age drivel or is he right? Radagast and Tryptie, give this guy 10 minutes.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3sc_mkFe2qQ&pp=ygUrV2h5IGRvIHdlIHN1ZmZlciAtIHN1ZmZlcmluZyBpbiBhIG5ldyBsaWdodA%3D%3D
> Without suffering there can be no life. Just as there can be no light without darkness there can be no pleasure without suffering. Gibberish new age drivel or is he right?
I say “balderdash”
I only watched a few minutes but I got the gist. It’s what I used to believe in — the New Age idea that on the simplest level, Creator/Source was somehow limited in Its creation process and was forced to create the “ten thousand things” through a process of contrasts and opposites (light/dark, good/evil, etc.)
I eventually realized this idea does not hold water when one takes a full accounting of the pains and horrors of this realm. A simple accounting easily shows that the “bad” easily outweighs the “good”
There is no equal levels between the Bad and the Good. It is lopsided.
This is something conspiracy-theorist and flat-earther Eric Dubay makes pains to point out (now that he has begun investigating these more “metaphysical” concepts)
There is of course, the blindingly obvious fact that living things survive by killing and consuming other living things.
In addition, Dubay proposes the thought experiment: if you could experience for one hour the absolute highest pleasure known to man, in exchange for experiencing the greatest pain/torture possible for a human for one hour, would you do it?
This is the horrible asymmetry that must be contended with by anyone proposing the simplistic “duality” or “opposites” idea.
Or as my mentor Hyatt once put it, “The Practitioner knows that flesh is mostly for pain — that pleasure is more fleeting and pain is more enduring.”
I mean, we know our bodies have pain receptors. As far as I’m aware, we have no pleasure receptors.
As some of the classic nihilist/pessimist philosophers have noted, what is often referred to as a pleasure is frequently merely the restoration of a LACK.
So, you can eat steak and caviar to the point you are absolutely disgusted with the taste and don’t want to touch another bite.
But if you have been lost in the desert for a week, with your stomach growling for sustenance, simple berries or even blades of grass will fill your soul with satisfaction.
So the “pleasure” you experience is not a function of the edibles, but rather the depth and extend of your gnawing hunger.
https://youtu.be/Pc8ItHlLfrw?si=PESAj5cTZtcKHk9S
I have much more to say about this topic but I am once again inebriated, and I wouldn’t want to say more anyway since any and all conclusions are not very comforting, and you all seem like a fine bunch of folks I’d rather not alienate any more than I already have.
Last week I traveled to visit my elderly mom and so I got to meet a 35 y.o. relative of mine from Oklahoma; her dad had moved there and was and is an awful drunk who had two families and deserted them and she wanted to find out about his background and so took me up on my invitation to visit me and my mom in New England (my mom spent weeks having her helper-friends clean and put flowers in vases and coverlets on beds and guessing what food the girl would like). She worked on a horse ranch for years, and now works in a toilet paper factory, she is nearly six feet tall and pretty and a very kind person. She carries a gun (legally) when she goes to Tulsa and Joplin on errands since you have to.
Of course she and I talked about whether she would have kids. She is terribly devoted to all of her family members. Including her nephew, who is now eleven years old. She showed me photos of him; he looks like a extremely happy and energetic kid. But although he was born healthy, at four months he started having seizures; it is a genetic rarity; and now he has the cognitive ability of one of her dogs (as she said; she loves her dogs). He can say a few words; he wears diapers. His dad has a good working class job and so he has had the best treatments but there are no treatments except for antiseizure meds to prevent further damage, and those are not reliable; his little sister sleeps in the same room and comes running to the parents at night when there is another damaging seizure; she looks so stressed out in the photos. My relative will take over his care if anything happens to his parents. That isn’t so unlikely since people die young in the south, everyone has just one kidney (function wise) by age 60 due to drinking soda pop. The responsibility that she would then have would be staggering.
So she was saying she might not have kids. But she would love her kids, and I think she would miss out on a lot if she didn’t have them. So I tried not to say much, other than that I didn’t think she should worry about genetic risks. Those are really pretty random. What else could I say? She wouldn’t have anything to substitute for the family stuff. I don’t really have a substitute for it myself. I just try to provide some version of it to people I know who don’t have families; there are a lot of them now. But people are genetically selected to find much of their joy and misery in biological families, that is reality. You really are damned either way.
Hugs and love to all you guys, most especially Radagast. We don’t live in an easy universe.
In order to get condensed impressions of how our world operates, and the universe as a whole, good concentration skills are needed.
You employ drugs to temporarily augment your senses, but that will only take you so far. Perception and understanding born out of concentration are permanent, as this alters your brain structure significantly, and are way, way, way more intense and deeper. In this way, you might get insight on the nature of suffering, among countless others, as well.
I feel you should explore that possibility, not carelessly, however; you might go insane.
It’s hard work pumping out the entropy from the confines of a body, a family, a house, and acquiring the energy to do it. Behold the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field, how they boil incessantly to eat and not be eaten, find shelter and a desirable mate. Not a moment of respite but for what a fitful sleep affords. Such has been the human condition everywhere until a few decades ago. The only thing not in order is the misguided sense of entitlement that the Universe or the Gods owe anyone anything.
Nice Datura plants!
Do they need pollination in orderto produce the seeds? Do the bees get a trip when visiting the flowers?
They seem quite capable of self-pollination. We have hardly any pollinating insects here these days sadly, but they do regularly produce big seed pods.
Radagast you realize that when you let Lady Datura peg your asshole it’s going to drain you of dopamine right? If you want to be scared all the time let that sexy goth girl/plant make her claim all you want. But you’re going to become a abused soft-hearted traumatized femboy if you do (Datura’s favorite kind of boy.).
I haven’t taken Datura btw.
What you’re describing is more salvia than datura honestly.
Absurdism is just nihilism with a funny spin.
Honestly it says a lot that salvia cures scopamine damage but that the message you receive from salvia is basically the same as datura but funny. It’s the cycle of abuse used by the Goddess/plant spirit/Tumblr girl masturbating at her computer to keep her servants under her thrall and traumatized without fully burning them out. The Aztecs used both salvia and datura and there’s a reason they turned out the way they did.
I’m not judging but from the perspective on an outside observer you’re being tormented and gaslit by e-gf.
Wish we could turn back time
To the good old days
When our Mama sang us to sleep
But now we’re stressed out
https://youtu.be/pXRviuL6vMY?si=YfqBOCHIz6Q1cR9B?&t=55
“America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I’d better get right down to the job.
It’s true I don’t want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories, I’m nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I’m putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.”
Berkeley, January 17, 1956
Allen Ginsberg
I finally found the Beastmaster scene where the Winged Devourers allow passage to the Beastmaster because he was cool with an eagle.
Reminded me of myself and Rad.
I’m probably full of nonsense, because an eagle is a bird of prey, and I know Rad doesn’t like cats, because they are also prey-hunting animals.
Not sure if I got the timestamp right for this vid, but if it starts from the beginning, fast forward to 38:30
https://youtu.be/J-XvyKZC2Lg?si=lJyeUCJWQr4sEBtE&t=2358
Such a great film, suitable for children of all ages
No I’m fine with birds of prey.
It’s cats that I specifically don’t like.
In order that they know from the shining of the sun and from the west that there is no one besides Me; I am the L-rd and there is no other. Who forms light and creates darkness, Who makes peace and creates evil; I am the L-rd, Who makes all these. Isaiah 45:6-7
Let’s assume this is a big game, where we are living. We are trapped in a level and have to repeat it until we ‘got’ the idea and learned to survive it. Then the next level opens.
Now: if you would be the game designer – let’s say “god” – how would you check the learning result?
To know if a boat is really solid you have to send it to open, rough sea. Let the boat “suffer” to see if it fits the purpose…
I see these types of ideas floating around sometimes, and the problem with this line of thinking, is that if you make these assumptions you end up painting the image of a psychopathic god who treats living beings that have souls and dreams and an inner life, as basically a series of tools or objects to be used as part of some mysterious “game” whose ‘rules’ are never explained to the participants. With this idea, you have unknowingly characterized ‘god’ as something like Jigsaw. I’ve found that most spiritual ideas in this world end up doing something like this, while mixing in a lot of Stockholm syndrome on top of it as well. The paradigm by which this entire reality exists, is extremely abusive on even a spiritual level, it’s not just the result of human error or whatever, it’s the metaphysical equivalent of being locked up in someone’s basement and given amnestic drugs while you’re repeatedly raped and slowly killed. Of course, the truth is that we actually are dealing with a psychopathic force that is treating us like a resource to be consumed, but this is obviously something to be resisted, not embraced. The force which sits in the place external to you in this world, where most people usually look for ‘god’, is your enemy and must somehow be overcome (the truth is moreso that YOU, by virtue of having a soul and a consciousness, are personally a manifestation of the true god). Any attempt to understand what the beings running this world are doing to us, must therefore also be in the service of that ultimate goal.
> …some mysterious “game” whose ‘rules’ are never explained to the participants.
Did you ask? Are you willing to accept and understand the answer, even if you don’t like it?
> …you have unknowingly characterized ‘god’ as something like Jigsaw.
No. This is the image of ‘god’ YOU have in mind.
Did you ever watch a young bird with vertigo?
I did. After some days of luring the parents finally lost patience and in a “psychopathic” behavior pushed it out of the nest. Well, it opened the wings and flew.
> The force which sits in the place external to you in this world, where most people usually look for ‘god’, is your enemy and must somehow be overcome
No. Our enemy is our EGO; the arrogance, to believe being “like god”. This is (still) not the case. May be in some future level.
Did anyone promise that growing up would be easy?
Honestly Tryptie, I would recommend you to smoke some salvia extract out of a bong, in some place where you feel safe. Try x5 or x10. It’s the only thing that seems to work for me to have some peace with this world in a philosophical sense of the word.
I’ve tried salvia before in several occasions, back in college. It was actually the very first drug I ever tried, aside from alcohol. My friends and I were idiots during my freshman year of college and you could easily buy salvia from shops at that time, so we tried it without knowing anything about drugs at all. I’ve had a few fun experiences with it though. I remember one time it felt as though reality around me had dissolved and my soul was being pulled and stretched along a conveyor belt made of pink taffy candy (meanwhile irl I was apparently holding a pillow to my face while drooling and mumbling). Another time, I remember feeling as though I was standing in something like an arena, or an auditorium-like area surrounded by nonhuman beings sitting in seats, and the experience felt more real than my waking reality. Salvia very much seems to have the vibe of a rusted schoolbus, a dilapidated carnival or some desolate technicolor space, like zeerusted graffiti from the 1890s that’s flanged apart into non-euclidean ribbons, I rather liked the drug back when I was doing it, I tried DMT too but preferred salvia. I liked how it made you laugh hysterically and uncontrollably, that was cool. But considering what Ive been through the past several years, I’m not sure that it would really give me peace? I’m already dealing with quite a heavy amount of ontological shock and PTSD, and maybe some psychic instability from what I’d describe as ‘extremely anomalous paranormal and spiritual events’, i’ve been trying to stick to tamer things like MDMA in recent years as a result.
Tryptie, you’ve had better experiences with Salvia than I ever had, which were uniformly unsettling and disorienting.
As I’ve said here before, most hardcore psychonauts dislike strong Salvia trips, even the old veterans. It is consistently bizarre and psychologically painful. As you say, lots of themes of conveyer belts, and cogs and gears, and feeling like one is an infinitesimally tiny soul in an insanity machine that merely squeezes you of your “life juice” while clowns laugh at your pain.
Have you tried LSD? LSD was always good to me.
Just wanted to say —
We schizoids can often be so detached and disassociated from humanity that we can arrogantly presume we are just fine being alone and atomized in the Void. As a consequence, we can often be neglectful and dismissive of those in our lives who actually care about us, or at the very least, those who bother to listen to us.
In this context I want to express gratitude to Radagast for providing a forum where weirdos and retards can talk to each other and discuss “weird” topics.
It means a lot to me.
(Of course, I will probably wear out my welcome in due time)
The sky is filled with good and bad mortals never know.