Introducing: The Magical Cactus Forest Party

You could say that I have some experience with psychedelics. I’m also a bit of a psychedelic evangelist. I don’t have a favorite psychedelic, rather, I recognize that every psychedelic fits a different context. There is one psychedelic, that has been almost completely forgotten in our modern culture. That psychedelic is my good friend, Mescaline.

Mescaline is different from the other psychedelics. It’s energetic and it’s extraverted. You could think of Mescaline as a kind of mixture of LSD and MDMA in its effects. Indigenous Americans have historically taken mescaline cactuses in a communal context. This is where these cactuses really shine.

Mescaline takes a bit more preparation than other psychedelics. With LSD, you put a blot under your tongue and you’re ready to go. A mescaline cactus needs to be stripped of its needles and then turned into a blend. The blend will make you nauseous, because it binds to receptors in your belly.

Fortunately, there is an easy solution to this, that was not available to Indigenous Americans: Ginger. You can drink Ginger tea before taking a cactus and you’ll find that the nausea is very mild and only lasts for a short while, an hour at most. In addition, after ingesting the cactus, you chew on mint leaves, to temporarily numb your stomach. You won’t vomit, you’ll have an amazing experience.

I used to enjoy going to festivals, but now with the batsoupflu hysteria, young people are prohibited from going to festivals. We have no idea how long they plan on maintaining these cruel measures. I consider this very cruel, as young people are now more isolated than ever before.

I also consider this an opportunity however: An opportunity to rebel against a system that doesn’t function. Some people think they are rebelling against the system, by protesting in Amsterdam against police brutality. But how can that truly be a revolt against the system, if this is the only protest that is not broken up by the government? How can you consider that a revolt against the system, if the mayor of the city joins the protest?

In the words of Bill Hicks, we are faced with a choice in life, between fear and love. Humanity this year, chose to live in fear. Fear of germs, fear of police, fear of different ethnic groups, fear of foreigners who might carry viruses, fear of youth, fear of social contact, fear of everything. And fear, without exception, is the first step towards hate. I propose that we revolt against the system, by choosing love over fear.

So how do we revolt? The answer is simple. We come together spontaneously and we start a party. The best parties, without exception, are those that are illegal. We start in the evening, in a forest located centrally in the Netherlands, in the Utrecht area. We bring people from across the country, ideally even from other countries. We bring sound installations for music, we bring food and drinks. I have enough mescaline cactuses growing in my backyard to enlighten a small village, anyone who wants some just needs to ask.

What if the police come? You run away. What if they catch you? The fine is 400 euro, send me a message with your bitcoin address and I’ll happily cough up the first fifty fines. I really don’t care, this is no way to live.

What if you get sick from the virus and start coughing up blood? Everything I’ve seen suggests the media is fearmongering. What if I’m wrong, what if this is really airborne Ebola after all? Then I guess mother nature thinks we overstayed our welcome. Who am I to put up a fight? Might as well get it over with and go out with a bang. You’ll die eventually anyway. The universe is over thirteen billion years old, your life expectancy is ninety years, no matter what happens you’ll spend at least 99.999% of extant time in a state of non-existence either way.

When the sun sets, the mescaline kicks in and you find yourself laying in the grass in a dark forest, staring at the stars above you, I have a special gift available for a select few brave venturers: Changa. Changa my dear friends, is a delicacy. It’s a smokeable form of Ayahuasca. It’s expensive and it’s hard to get, but it’s the best thing out there since sliced bread. If you have traumatic memories you want to deal with, tap me on the shoulder and I would be honored to help you out. People who charge you 200 Euro to take Ayahuasca seem to have forgotten what it’s all about.

This in a nutshell, is the plan. Is it a long shot? Yes. Whether we can pull it off or not, is going to depend on you, my dear reader. This isn’t my party, I’m just proposing a plan. We need people to show up, lots and lots of people. What sort of people? Who cares? Anyone who wants to choose love over fear is welcome. Bring love, warmth and joy, leave your various ideologies and causes at home. We had the summer of love in 1969 and now we’re supposed to live through the summer of fear. I say no to that.

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