My advice for teenage boys

I’m an old man now, so I feel like explaining this to teenage boys.

There’s not a girl in the world who rubs her bean to the thought of some sportsballchad alpha male son of a Republican state senator or some construction company owner who shoves the nerds in lockers and got caught driving drunk but was never charged.

It’s just not how female psychology works. They have the strange ability to think rationally and pragmatically about love and relationships, they get even better at it as they grow older.

But their primal bestial lust is given to them by Satan, so it’s always going to be for some incel nazi school shooter type of guy. Some pale weird silent skinny lonely freak, dressed in black.

They go NUTS over Jeffrey Dahmer, an unemployed alcoholic homosexual who spent his youth gathering roadkill in his parents shed.

If you’re fat you have yourself to blame, stop eating meat, dairy and sugary crap, it’s not rocket science. But beyond that, you’re good.

So please, don’t listen to these creeps on the Internet who tell you to “trannymaxx” because you’re short, or any of that crap. These are just monsters.

They did these studies and found that the only face women find unattractive is of a man who just looks happy. Think deeply about that.

Back in my days, we had 4chan, it was amazing. All the degenerate autists gathered there and you would have threads of some guy who snuck into the Paris catacombs and brought back a skull and stuck his dick in it, or we would all log into Habbo hotel and close the pool (due to AIDS).

I know it still exists, it just stopped being amazing. We had fun. Now we’re drinking coffee, selling health insurance plans through the phone and looking at houses we can’t afford. The highlight of our lives is now when we get to fly to some Greek island for two weeks in summer, where it’s far too hot and we find out that half the island is on fire. But we had fun and they can’t take the memories away from us.

We didn’t have Xi Jinping pushing stupid Tiktok videos through algorithms to teenagers about how amazingly happy you’ll become when you cut off your tits and get a fake penis made out of forearm skin installed between your legs.

So that’s that. The other thing I want to point out is that when you’re young, your brain is still very flexible, it can still recover from damage quite easily.

If you take the occasional small amount of cannabis or magic mushrooms, your brain becomes like that of an artist. Do it outside in nature with some friends, during the day when the weather is nice. Don’t drink cannabis tea, that’s what I did the first time at 15 with my friend the metalhead, that stuff is just very hard to dose if you have no clue what you’re doing. A joint is much better for your first time, you still have many years ahead of you to figure out what works best for you.

This is just what the boomers bring upon themselves. If they properly explained this stuff to their kids, I would have just smoked a joint, but I made cannabis tea out of one whole gram and so I got insane hallucinations when I drank half of it, until I eventually vomited. We had no idea what we were doing.

But I see too many people with conservative parents who are convinced this cannabis plant is the worst thing ever and then they become tradcaths or trans or join some other Internet cult. And I never see them become happy with that stuff, they just end up more and more insane. All because they just feel disconnected from the people around them.

And boomers will just think to themselves “well the kid who smokes cannabis all the time never grows up to be a state senator or a successful lawyer or doctor”. Well sorry boomers, but if that was what your kid was going to be, he wouldn’t want to smoke cannabis all the time anyway, he would want to snort coke at some college frat party with the other turbonormies. When you manage to withhold cannabis from your teenage son, what happens is not that he ends up back on the “right” (lmao) track and grows up to be a doctor or a lawyer after all.

No, what happens is that he ends up down some other path. Go look up the Benadryl subreddit if you want to see what happens to kids with boomer-mentality parents who are afraid they might smell cannabis. There are teenagers out there addicted to Benadryl, who see shadow figures in their room. In the Netherlands the teenagers now take synthetic stuff like 3mmc or 4mmc. Cannabis is very innocent compared to all this stuff. Parents who are really afraid their kid may develop schizophrenia from it should tell the kid to take some cannabidiol.

But even Benadryl is less tragic, than when a kid has no drugs available whatsoever. That’s when they become forced to adopt bizarre belief structures to reduce their suffering. It’s why we have teenagers who shoot a bunch of Mexicans to start a race war, or become Ted Kaczynski fanboys, or try to shoot Trump. Religions and ideologies are ultimately just a drug the mind administers to itself.

So yes, I want teenagers to smoke weed and take mushrooms, because then when they grow up to be adults they manage to make music like this:

Dream pop with a very subtle gothic influence. Pure heaven.