Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: These globalist apes have really gone too far! Won’t you look at us? Our native homeland is now full of goats and cattle. And their culture is different from ours. Whereas we only eat the fine grasses we like and leave the roots intact and refuse to breed in captivity, these degenerate goats and cows will happily reproduce in a cage and flood this country with more of their own kind, turning our beautiful savannah that we have cultivated over thousands of years into just another desert!
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Look Roderick, I think you shouldn’t dwell in all this negativity. There’s ultimately nothing you can do about it anyway. You can spend your whole day protesting, commenting on the Internet, but do you think that’s going to swell our numbers, or get these cows to go back to their part of the Savannah? I don’t think so, it’s just going to make you miserable and unpopular with the other rhino’s. Why don’t you just focus on your job, or get yourself a new degree so you can have an even better job?
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: Yeah because beta soycucks like you have this attitude and refuse to stand up for themselves, we’re dying out, replaced by low IQ goats and cows that can’t even pass the mirror test or use tools! These globalist apes who are taking over the world are going to do the same thing to us that they did to the hippos and the elephants! Do you even read on Twitter what the other patriotic freedom-loving wild animals in other parks are saying, or do you just listen to the lamestream media all day long, telling you that all animals are equal?
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: I’m really disappointed in all this populist rhetoric I hear here. Roderick, I don’t get it. Have you ever had a traumatic experience with a goat or something? What have goats and cows every done to you? We’re all ungulates.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: Listen to this globalist elitist bitch. “Oh we’re all ungulates.” I don’t know if you realize this, but we are ODD-TOED UNGULATES! And these cattle and goats invading our savannah are EVEN-TOED UNGULATES! THEY DON’T EVEN DIGEST CELLULOSE IN THE SAME WAY AS WE DO! Any biologist can tell that we’re different, there’s millions of years of evolution that separate us!
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Species is just a social construct invented by humans. Just look at zebra and donkeys, officially different species, but they can easily reproduce together.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: BUT USE YOUR EYES, ANY MORON CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ZEBRA AND A DONKEY!
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Why should one species deserve better treatment than the other?
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but they’re the ones receiving preferential treatment, not us! These humans are constantly feeding them, while we are left to take care of ourselves and defend ourselves from predators! These humans will stand by and do nothing when a lion chases after your child!
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Um, our species is actually privileged. We live in this national park that is off-limits to goats and cattle, the humans actually impose laws that prohibit the local tribesmen from bringing the goats and cattle here!
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: You think we’re privileged? Go to hell you stupid cunt. They chase after us with guns, we’re being murdered on a daily basis.
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Yes, poaching is a problem, but that is not the same thing as institutionalized speciecism. Whereas goats and cattle can freely be killed, there are laws that make it illegal to murder us. This is in fact a grave injustice and me and the other high status white err animal justice activists, are working hard to address this institutionalized oppression.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: So how do you want to solve it?
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Well to start with, no animal is illegal. Goats and cattle who are at risk of being murdered by humans should be free to flee to our wildlife reserve.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: YOU STUPID [antisemitic expletive] CUNT I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS!
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: As a daughter of a poaching survivor myself, I’m really offend by this outburst of hatred.
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Look Roderick, why don’t you just come with me, I’ll show you a place where the grass is still pretty tall and green and we can just chill and eat together. I’ve spent years of my life studying and exploring how to find this proper part of the park where you can still find nice grass that hasn’t died in the droughts-
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: WHY DO YOU KEEP LISTENING TO THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA RALPH, THERE IS NO DROUGHT, THESE GLOBALIST APES ARE JUST DESTROYING THE GRASS ON PURPOSE TO STARVE US WITH THEIR WEATHER MANIPULATION TECHNOLOGY!
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Weather manipulation? How does that work?
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: It’s easy. They just burn trees and then the carbon blocks sunlight from escaping the atmosphere. This makes the Earth warmer and warmer, they’re doing this to kill us all and then they will just eat their own fake-food that they make from bacteria and fungi or something. All the other wild animals on Twitter have taken the red pill and the bats and other patriots are busy trying to spread new Ebola viruses to resist these apes, but you’re just sticking your head in the sand like some kind of cowardly fluoride-drinking ostrich. We have a whole resistance movement, we can defeat them, there is still time!
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Look I think you’re reading too many conspiracy theories on Twitter. Blocking sunlight with carbon from trees? What kind of insane schizophrenic came up with that nonsense? You shouldn’t believe every schizopost you read online. Now look, I’m pretty sure you ruined your chances with Roselinda, but we can find another ovulating rhino for you to score with.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: Yeah go on, just sedate yourself, you passive moron.
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Well look Roderick, I think if you want to save the rhino race, if that’s the goal you have set for your life, if that’s what you believe truly matters the most, it would probably help if you stopped spending so much time being so angry and focused more on-
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: IF WE DON’T DEFEAT THESE NAKED APES, THEIR STUPID CATTLE AND THE TRAITORS AMONG OUR OWN RANKS THEN IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU SPEND YOUR WHOLE DAY INSEMINATING OVULATING RHINO FEMALES!
Rachel the ovulating white rhinoceros: Wait Roderick, you just want to spend your days inseminating ovulating rhino females? I thought we had a special connection together! I thought you really cared about me! [Begins to cry]
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: Oh thanks Ralph! Yeah you’re really helping!
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Um you did this yourself, by acting like such an angry autistic weirdo.
Roselinda the high status white rhinoceros: Now if the two of you will excuse me, I’m off to an international conference for wild animals in my drought-generating machine, where we will discuss what we can do about all these droughts.
Roderick the low status white rhinoceros: SHE IS TAKING A DROUGHT GENERATING MACHINE TO THE CONFERENCE ABOUT DROUGHTS! I TOLD YOU THE DROUGHTS ARE A HOAX! RALPH, RALPH, WHERE ARE YOU?
Ralph the medium status white rhinoceros: Sorry Roderick, I’ll be back in a moment.