My journey to Britain

Today we’re going to write about my journey to the United Kingdom. I left on the evening of Christmas after visiting my family and returned yesterday. As I knew in advance and noticed myself while there, quite a lot of people in the UK are sick right now. This doesn’t stop me from visiting. My general attitude in life is that nothing lasts forever. I’d rather enjoy what’s left of my youth, than to wait around and try desperately to make it into old age. You also have to keep in mind that my interest in COVID is ultimately just an outgrowth of my general interest in nature.

To start with, I have to point out that I had two amazing hosts in Wishaw (Scotland) and London (Kyrgyzstan), who helped make this adventure possible. If you end up reading this, thank you gents. I also have to say thank you to the big fat British ego, that leads them to keep entry into their main museums free of charge. London is beautiful, particularly at dawn. I wish to revisit England and Scotland pretty soon, there’s too much left I still need to see.

I’m going to try to narrate this whole experience in chronological order, although you have to keep in mind a lot of it was spent under the influence of cannabis, ketamine, 2CB, changa, salvia and alcohol, so I will probably make errors.

To start with, I took the coach bus to London. Years ago I promised to myself I would stop flying. It’s just not a sustainable technology.`Technology has to operate within the laws of physics, for animals as heavy as human beings to fly through the air will always require a lot of energy, there’s no easy technology that solves this. Mother Nature allows us a lot of luxury, but we have to accept some limits to our expectations.

I arrived early in the morning after getting some sleep in the bus. In contrast to my way back, I had to sit next to someone on my way to London. When you can sit by yourself on two seats, the journey tends to be more comfortable. Sleeping on a bus is a strange experience, you snap in and out of consciousness. When I arrived, the whole city looked like a really attractive goth girl’s tumblr account. Just take a look at this stuff:

Here we have Buckingham palace. But then I wandered on to the park, where I saw a fox early in the morning. The giant ferris wheel dominates the skyline, I didn’t know it was only 22 years old.

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After eating a bit and contemplating whether it would be disrespectful to the king to vape weed in the dark in the park behind his palace at 7 in the morning, I walked onwards through the city on the way to my host.

London is probably the perfect city for a goth to live in. Just look at this:

After I arrived at my friend’s place, we went to the Jack the Ripper museum. They got subsidies for it by claiming it would be a museum about feminism, a very impressive scam. It will soon close when the building is sold, as they’re being sabotaged by the neighborhood council which doesn’t like the museum.

When we got home we then vaped a lot of weed, OG Kush to be specific.

Eventually we went to a big manor in Wales that dates back to high medieval times.

I don’t have very good pictures of the interior, but here you go:

The whole thing looked like a group of vampires live there, which creeped me out when I smoked a bunch of Changa there, so I went downstairs to meditate with the door open. There was other debauchery too, but I can’t share everything of course.

Here’s a big castle we encountered on one of our brief walks through the countryside:

After we returned, we celebrated New Year’s eve with some silly games. Everyone had five weird tasks and you had to try to fool others into helping you complete them. In my case I had to make up a fake word and get someone to ask what it means. We were playing this game while we were playing other board games. The best game I played in the UK was citadels, it’s really good.

I also went to the National History Museum, where I sought out the Aztec exhibit and looked at some Japanese objects.

Montezuma did nothing wrong:

On January the 2nd I went to Wishaw in Scotland to meet another new friend. Here too I had a lot of fun. He has the coziest looking living room you could possibly think of, along with a black cat:

On my suggestion we played a bunch of weird videogames we found on itch.io and we went out to find a nearby cave, even though I was still sleep deprived from my bus journey to Wishaw.

Here are some pictures of our journey to the cave:

I also made some pictures of myself in the cave, but I basically just look like a sleep deprived version of Gollum so I won’t share those.

Instead I’ll share with you some pictures I took a few days later, when we went to a graveyard in Edinburgh, as all goths are obliged to do at least once during their pilgrimage to Scotland.

There was this big Celtic Christian cross:

We checked out the castle in the center of the city on top of the mountain:

We visited St Giles’s Cathedral, it’s very pretty:

As a migrant to Scotland, to be exposed to all these giant far-right dog whistles was of course very upsetting to me. My escalating panic attack only came to an end when I wandered through a busy shopping street and encountered a welcome symbol of American cultural imperialism (the right form of imperialism):

Starbucks is of course the only coffee shop where you will find this flag, I’ve binged on espresso throughout Britain and never encountered it anywhere else. Only Starbucks is brave enough to remind these Celts on the fringes of Britain that they are an oppressing people.

And now the creepy graveyard. I would have stayed until dusk, but my train left at 4:30 so I couldn’t afford to stick around at the graveyard until it was truly dark.

And now the big moment you have all been waiting for, the epic selfdoxx:

Now a blue-haired plus-sized woman with a boyish haircut can finally call my non-existent employer, to get me fired from my non-existent job. Oh the horror!

My journey didn’t end in Scotland however. I went back for one more night in London, my host was friendly enough to help me out on my way back to Rotterdam.

I used the next day, to visit the Natural History Museum. I’ll share with you my favorite specimen:

This is a blue marlin, a very massive (bigger than me) predatory fish that spends most of its time near the ocean’s surface, but can dive hundreds of meters deep into the ocean.

That’s all for now, but you can find more on my Twitter.

People asked me what I thought of Britain. If it wasn’t obvious yet, I love the place of course. It’s probably the prettiest place in all of Europe, full of beautiful architecture. I hope to return there soon, I wish to see more of the graveyards, explore more caves and I want to see more museums.

14 Comments

  1. Guessing an Edinburgh trip was quite a big feature of your ‘trip’! The suburbs of Glasgow don’t tend to be quite so photogenic (nothing against them of course).

    • I’m mostly a south sider but would say there are plenty of beautiful suburbs in Glasgow. Muirend, Cathcart (both Linn & Pollok Park nearby) and Netherlee are just a few. Newlands too, but you do need to be a borderline millionaire to live there.

  2. A trip within a trip. How meta.
    Edinburgh visit might have been a better way of me putting it. Glad you enjoyed our little island! I’m in the bit you drove or trained it past between London and Glasgow/Edinburgh area (if you found a train that was running!).

  3. You appear like you might be short for a Dutchman.

    Do I recall you went to the British Museum? The one that featured in one of the Ben Stiller films. I believe that’s where the Aztec mask/skull is to be found.
    I would recommend next time visiting the Imperial War Museum.

    I live in the south west and don’t visit London enough. It’s a great city, despite the ‘diversity’. I took the coach up once and it was gruelling. I did fly from Exeter to London once, but I would choose the train over any other form of transport.

  4. I am an American and I made a similar trip in the late 1970s and did no drugs at all – I was about 15 y.o. – but it was perhaps as surreal since I had no money and so I hitchhiked and took cheap train seats and slept on benches at night along with staying in youth hostels and lived on digestive biscuits and bread and cheese and didn’t have proper clothing (there wasn’t high tech clothing then) so I was usually cold and wet. I remember sleeping out one night on some giant hillside in Edinburgh to save money (no tent, no sleeping bag); the view at sunrise of the hillsides around me is burned in my brain. It is strange to me to see London so posh and rich; when I was there it was shabby. When I was there a few years later a middle class lady got her dog to beg my food from me as I was eating it in a park as a way to save money. People really lived on toast and margarine and tea. I guess it’s great that it’s all shiny and well-maintained now like Disney World but I wonder if that will last or if we going to go back to normal human poverty soon.

    I wish you would visit the U.S., but you would have to do it like I did my early Britain trip. You would have to do it totally drug free, otherwise you would end up in some terrifying jail somewhere. But it might be surreal like my trip was because most of the U.S. is pretty extreme and overwhelming compared to the Netherlands (which I traveled through) and Britain; a drug-free U.S. trip might be like a drugged Britain trip. Oh, that’s right, you’d have to be vaccinated. Well, you could sneak over the Mexican border; you could avoid the vaccination that way.

    • I also suggested that he would enjoy a visit to USA, but unsure how he could do that without flying? I suggested my county in Michigan because we have legal cannabis and decriminalized hallucinogenics here 🤷🏻‍♀️ Plus Michigan is gorgeous topographically and I could take him to some neat museums etc. I have a cupboard full of board games and my family likes being a bunch of silly geese.

  5. Glad you enjoyed the UK. If you want some proper top-notch gothic darkness next time visit Glasgow, specifically Easterhouse and Possilpark.

  6. Very nice, it must have been wonderful.

    But I think for your next vacation you should come to the States and stay with me in my house while we engage in poly drug abuse.

    I can guarantee we’d have a real good time.

  7. Wow. I have been reading your stuff since 2013 and it’s crazy to see a picture of you as I had no idea what you looked like for almost ten years.

  8. London is way prettier just before dawn.

    Fun piece, thanks. Next time we play Citadels, I’m taking the Warlord.

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