I don’t want to have any children. The idea never truly appealed to me. For the first few years, children inherently have zero appeal to men. You just don’t want to clean a child’s body. But female animals naturally do this for their babies.
Children are a spin on the roulette wheel. You can be lucky, things can go right and you’ll have a healthy kid. There are also numerous ways it can go wrong. You can find out mother nature is uncooperative in your endeavor. Worse still, is when nature is cooperative, but the child just never thrives.
You can end up stuck with a child who will just require continual care, who can’t be left alone even for an hour. There are parents in the Netherlands who end up with daughters who are institutionalized, because they self-injure. They require continual supervision, or to be physically strained to a bed, because otherwise they go eat broken glass. These are parents who may have thought for the first ten years that everything was going smoothly. But then it turns out there are more complex problems after all.
You will probably love them all the same of course. That’s what parental instincts do. Your kid throws feces at you? You love them. Your kid bullies other children? You love them. Your daughter eats broken glass? You love her. Your son goes to prison? You love him. Your son thinks he’s a woman? You love him. No matter how badly things go wrong, you tend to continue feeling attached to the kid. It’s normal not to give up on something you spent your whole life investing effort into.
If you don’t want a kid, as a man that’s fine. With women the stigma is much bigger, so they come up with all sorts of stuff. “I’m queer” or “LGBTQI+” I’ve never really understood what queer is supposed to mean. I just see an unattractive woman with a boyish haircut. They don’t reproduce and I think that’s a great idea, I just don’t understand why it requires looking physically repulsive. It’s not lesbianism either, because a woman attracted to women is still going to be attracted to healthy looking happy women radiating vitality, not to overweight women with strange haircuts who look and behave like they have a thyroid problem. My recommendation would be: Just be a normal woman who has no interest in having kids and doesn’t pretend to.
I would honestly go a step further and say that I don’t just happen to be disinterested in having children, I’m disinterested in a monogamous romantic relationship. The idea that there’s someone out there who is “perfect” for you is insane. No man sticks to having one guy friend. You have different friends, with who you share different interests. I’m not going to bother some of my friends with stories about my stock portfolio, it doesn’t interest them in the slightest bits. Others I won’t bother with stories about obscure medieval Tantric Buddhist sects, it doesn’t interest them either.
But there’s supposed to be a woman walking around somewhere, who is the perfect complimentary whole to my own being. And yet, when I look at people in steady relationships I know, that never seems to be true. It’s always just a matter of adjusting. They say you should marry a dumb woman, but the guys I know with dumb girlfriends end up resenting her. After all it means you have to share your house with a dumb person for the rest of your life. There’s a reason boomer jokes all just consist of some variety of murdering their wife.
I have platonic female friends. But there you immediately run into the same problem as with a relationship. Imagine I’m in a relationship with a woman. I go to visit a female friend of mine who lives nearby. I go in the evening, we smoke some weed together, chat and then I return home, smelling of weed. She may trust me, she may say she’s fine with it. She isn’t, doubly so if she had to take care of our baby while I was out having fun.
In theory married couples will say they’re fine with it, in practice parenthood and marriage mean you just have to give up on your opposite sex friends. Or worse, you have to bring your partner along and pretend that they really like each other too, instead of sitting there as a de facto policeman who makes sure there’s no penis ending up in a vagina it doesn’t belong in.
People blame housing prices for the low birth rate. Japan shows that this is not what’s going on. Tokyo is perfectly affordable, yet people don’t reproduce. The Baltic states, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, these are places with plenty of physical space, but people don’t reproduce. The real problem is: As soon as you decide to give birth to a child, it’s just over.
Over recent decades, the amount of fun stuff you can spend your days doing has increased dramatically. On the other hand, raising a child is still basically the same deal as raising a child was fifty years ago. A century ago, if you were a single man in a small town who came home from work, there just wasn’t that much to do. You could read a book, listen to the radio, go to the pub for some cardgames, that’s about it. Today the opportunities are effectively endless.
Society will grow poorer in the years to come, but these opportunities are not just going to disappear overnight, because many of them are just a product of new knowledge. We know what alcohol does. You drink it and you feel great for a few hours, then the next day you feel terrible. But Ketamine allows you to sink into your own internal mental world for a few hours and then afterwards you just feel better. Mushrooms and mescaline cactuses are incredibly easy to grow, this is not something that suddenly disappears because food prices go up or a country descends into civil war.
We have all of the world’s music on our smartphone. Again, this is just not something that’s going to disappear overnight. Exchanging information, plants, ideas, philosophies has become easier than it ever was. Medieval people didn’t just believe in Islam, Christianity or some other religion because they were taught to.
They believed these things because they had no alternative. They had no way of explaining how humans came into existence, they had no ability to look at our genome and figure out we’re 99% genetically identical to chimpanzees, but with two fused chromosomes with a bit of old edge material left in the middle. They were taught about hell, but now even the pope comes out and declares he thinks there’s probably nobody in hell. The cat is out of the bag in a lot of ways and just not going to go back in.
Of course most people don’t just have kids because it’s so much fun. There’s a secondary factor that historically led people to produce new humans: Societal pressure. This is from family members, like parents who wish to become grandparents. But it also comes from societal elites, who need soldiers to defend their nation, peasants to work on farms, etc. Generally speaking, the clergy take on the task of ensuring people reproduce.
Our society is no different. You have a bunch of low status white male gurus like Elon Musk, berating people for not having kids, even though almost all his kids are raised by their moms. Governments in Canada, Japan, Korea and Europe more or less implicitly do the same thing: “Have kids NOW, or we will open the flood gates and keep letting brown people in until GDP starts going up again.”
Your government basically tells you:
“Woken up by the call to prayer at 7AM? Decapitated lamb’s head in the window of your local butcher shop? Women dressed like ninjas in the subway? Everywhere you go it smells like garlic? Surrounded by four guys in an alleyway and forced to hand over your wallet? Well that’s your fault, for not creampieing your girlfriend back when you were young! If you had simply used the right hole, we would not have to let all these people in! It’s your fault, not ours! GDP wasn’t going up by 2% a year anymore!”
And they have a valid argument of course. Your government has to pay for grandma to get her arse wiped in the nursing home and for grandpa’s social security. They have to pay for that stuff with taxes, which means they need people who spend money and do jobs. They need you to drive somewhere in your car and stare at a spreadsheet, so that you pay them petrol taxes.
If they can’t get you to do this stuff for them, if you don’t push the next generation of cash crops out of your vagina, they’re going to look for browner people to do it for them. First they tried it with Greeks and Italians in my country. Then they brought in Moroccans and Turks. In Korea, Canada and the United States they try it with Indians.
But when people bring this up to me, I have one simple answer:
You blew it.
You don’t have a kid you can’t feed. As much as low status white males and their gurus like Elon Musk want us all to keep producing more kids, they don’t want you to do that if you’re on welfare. You won’t hear any of these people say: “Welfare moms need to be forced at gunpoint to push more kids out of their fronthole NOW!”
No, they hate that, because they realize at a fundamental level that it doesn’t solve the problem, it’s just more ballast on the ship. Those women on welfare cost more than they contribute to society, so you don’t want them to reproduce. They’re a net sink to you.
Well, ask the trees.
When it comes to building up fertile top soil, to the trees you are a net sink.
When it comes to removing carbon dioxide from our atmosphere, to the trees you are a net sink.
Ask the Bonobo.
When it comes to dispersing seeds of trees in the forest, to the Bonobo you are a net sink.
Ask the clouds above your head.
When it comes to refilling the aquifers beneath the ground, to the clouds you are a net sink.
We are in a global crisis of ecological overshoot, known as the Great Acceleration.
Nature is doing its best, to maintain the conditions necessary to enable life. But from this perspective, us humans are all just excess ballast on the ship, not carrying our own weight.
And so when my government, billionaires like Elon Musk, edgy “trad” memelords on Twitter or any of these people tell me to reproduce or they will need Achmed to do it for them, I tell them:
Fine. Go on, have Achmed do it for you.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why that koala bear on TV is burning its feet in the fire.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why the house is so cold at night.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why the electricity doesn’t work and when it will go back on.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why it takes half a year before grandpa Hassan can have his surgery.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why there are all these hungry people in Nigeria on TV.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why the Amazon is burning down.
Have Achmed explain to little Fatima why the gorillas in Congo went extinct.
I really don’t care, because I’m not going to do it for you.
I know I tested at a 130IQ as a kid (before I started sedating myself), I know my kid would be in a similar range, I know people in that IQ range will not enjoy the sort of society you are leaving behind for us.
So I say, once again:
Let Achmed do it.
If you had taken some real effort to keep this planet habitable, I would maybe feel differently. If the boomers were vegans pushing for degrowth policies, if we have a serious chance of keeping global warming beneath 2 degree Celsius, maybe I would not say “Let Achmed do it”. But they’re not vegans, they’re too fat to walk so they’re stuck in mobility scooters.
Let the bottleneck be brown. I don’t care.
You need someone to pay for the pensions, I get it, you’re threatening us that you’re going to invite Achmed over to pay for the pensions if we don’t use the front-hole, I hear the threat and I tell you:
Go for it.
Five trillion more brown people in our country every year to keep GDP going at 2% a year?
I’m not stupid enough to fall for these threats, or for this societal pressure.
And I’m not cruel enough, to bring a child into this world who will have to watch the whole thing fall apart.
At the end of the day, the reality is very simple: You’re increasing atmospheric carbon dioxide content at a speed orders of magnitude higher than anything seen during the worst global mass extinctions.
I know low IQ low status white males want to deny this is a real problem, so I created the low IQ low status white male challenge for them, that would allow them to demonstrate it’s not a real problem. So far, I have had none complete it.
Instead, you people just throw a bunch of red herrings: “Polar bear numbers are increasing.”
Oh you sweet summer child. You think the end of the Holocene is a problem because of the polar bears. I envy you. I wish my mom drank while pregnant too.
I don’t feel like bringing a kid into the world to watch the fireworks, because the fireworks would blow up in his face.
If you had tried hard enough, we could have kept warming below 2 degree Celsius. Then we would have had “hard times”.
It would have meant electricity rationing, banning airplanes, banning private car ownership, banning the consumption of meat, reforesting most of our farmland, growing seaweed in the ocean to be used as carbon-negative biomass with the CO2 sequestered beneath the ground, heating our bodies instead of our homes in winter, one child policies for sub-Saharan Africa, etc.
YOU HAD THE SOLUTIONS.
I NEVER SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY.
I SAID THE SOLUTIONS EXIST.
But as things currently stand, we’re going to end up blowing past two degree. And in the process, we’re triggering a cocktail of positive feedback loops that will take the whole crisis out of our control.
We’re not going to have “hard times”.
We’re going to have end times.
And in doing so, you liberated me from obligations. I don’t have some sort of obligation to society to keep this scheme going, if you’re not willing to preserve climatic conditions compatible with agriculture. If we were given hard times, I would feel an obligation. But we were given end times, so I feel none.
And I mean it when I say, that genuinely feels like a relief. If my parents generation had chosen hardship, I would have felt an obligation to choose hardship too. But they didn’t. They chose to end the Holocene.
And if you need someone to wipe your ass in the nursing home for you while it unfolds, I’m telling you, I won’t bring a child into the world for you to do that.
If you plan on sticking around in adult diapers to watch the fireworks, go ahead and invite as many brown people over to change your diapers for you as you want.
Do what you have to. I really don’t care.