Still room for improvement

You know I’ve thought about it some more and concluded that the world is just not good enough yet. There is still room for improvement. We need to drive modern progress to its natural conclusion.

Still too many people die from tragic diseases, car accidents, drug overdoses, suicides. The average life expectancy should be increased to around 105. Of course we’ll need to do something to delay Alzheimer’s disease too, but I’m sure that’s relatively easy.

Unemployment rates should be less than 2%. To help achieve this we should start using AI in the war on drugs. I think you can just use cameras to automatically check whether people hand out pot to each other on the street.

Africa’s struggling development is of course a huge tragedy. We should build a new Google data center in Kinshasa, where people can review photographs from self-driving cars and count how many motorcycles they can see. Oh and we need some people in Nairobi to work hard reviewing whether Youtube videos were generated by AI or by actual humans. Everyone will benefit! We can have content moderators in Lagos too, who check whether someone posted a beheading video in your grandmother’s Facebook group, before she has to see it herself. And of course we’ll train the AI on their work, so eventually they can find some other job.

In Africa and India they want to eat meat too, so I suggest that Cargill builds a vertical pig farm in Gujarat. This way the pigs use up less physical space.

We shouldn’t worry too much about global warming, it turns out you can just block the sun. With AI, we will figure out exactly the perfect moment to seed clouds in the air, to prevent the coral reefs from overheating or forest fires from starting.

We’re probably not worrying enough about respiratory viruses yet. If we all wear masks, put UV lights in every room, filter the air, if we all wear goggles so they can’t transmit through our eyes anymore either (looking at you, H5N1), then I’m pretty sure nature will have a very tough time getting rid of us.

Not enough people have a PhD yet, my suggestion would be to introduce subsidized loans for PhD students and to offer subsidies to companies that encourage their employees to pursue a PhD program. I think you should have a bachelor’s degree before you’re allowed to operate the counter in the supermarket, it’s too big of a responsibility to leave to the uneducated.

We haven’t had enough batman movies yet. I suggest starting the whole series over again, focusing on Batman’s early life before his parents died. And we should start Star Wars over again too, with a new relaunch, just a whole new reimagination of Episode I with Jar Jar Binks as a thoughtful diplomat sent by Boss Nass to end the economic warfare launched against his historically marginalized people.

There are not enough vampire movies yet either, I suggest we have a vampire movie called Vampires on Ice, where a vampire joins an ice hockey team but is exposed when he starts licking the floor after someone has their neck sliced open in a freak accident and starts bleeding all over the ice.

We don’t have quite enough 3D animated Youtube series about the backrooms yet and not enough random dudes wandering around in Los Angeles filming the new tent cities and shoving their camera in people’s faces, I still see room for improvement there too. I’m also pretty sure you can still invent a new serial killer for a true crime documentary, based off three unsolved murder cases in the United States.

When it comes to unsolved murder cases, did I mention that AI COULD HELP US SOLVE EVERY SINGLE MURDER CASE? Holy shit bro why haven’t you invested in AI yet?