The best news you’ll probably ever hear

Sunan Abu-Dawud Book 35, Number 4731:

When Ubaydullah saw him, he said: This Muhammad of yours is a dwarf and fat.

The prophet Muhammed has sex with a pig, in Muhammed’s favorite position

There are a lot of awful things in the world, but you have to look at things from the bright side, so today I want to focus on something positive: If you’re reading this, then you’re probably not a Muslim. And if you’re not a Muslim, things could have been a lot worse. Imagine having to spend your whole life, venerating some pedophile warlord fat dwarf who likes to get fucked in the ass by a pig.

Imagine coming from a Muslim country, some backwards shithole desert, that looks the same as every other shithole desert, where people speak some awful sounding language that sounds like hulululublalalalaCHLALBLABLCHALBLALALALA, where nothing of any substance has ever been accomplished and where the only reason people don’t die of hunger is because there is oil beneath their feet.

Whenever I feel like my life sucks, I always think to myself: “It could be worse. I could be a Muslim.”

This is the first thing billions of people do when they wake up in the morning: They thank God for not making them Muslims. Even low IQ low status white males are grateful, they could have been Muslims instead.

Everyone wants to be friends with the Jews (except Muslims and low IQ low status white males). India wants to be friends with the Jews, the Chinese want to be friends with the Jews, the Japanese want to be friends with the Jews, in South Korea children read the Talmud in school, the Americans and Europeans want to be friends with the Jews too.

Whenever I read something interesting, it was written by a Jew. Whenever I read something dumb, it was written by a Muslim or a low IQ low status white male, but I know how to avoid reading stuff written by Muslims.

Everyone tries to avoid Muslims. You live around Muslims? It’s because you don’t have a lot of money. The more money you have, the less Muslims in your vicinity. If things go wrong in your life, it almost always results in an increase in the number of Muslims around you.

Why is it so cheap to live in Rotterdam? Because that’s where all the Muslims live, so nobody who has a choice wants to live there. If Muslims had a choice, they would not want to be Muslims, but they tend to be surrounded by other Muslims, so they don’t really have a choice.

People apply for half a million Euro mortgages, just to minimize the number of Muslims in their surroundings: “Hello sir, I would like to sign up for a life of debt slavery, to minimize the number of Muslims I have to encounter on a daily basis. Spend the rest of my life in a stupid cubicle? No problem sir, if that cubicle is far away from Muslims!”

Why do Muslims exist? Nobody knows. Most of the time when God creates something bad, it actually serves a purpose. Your dog poops in your house? Well the poop is meant to fertilize plants, even a very nasty turd can feed a beautiful flower.

You have a Muslim in your house? Well that’s more like having poop in your house, but rather than fertilizing plants, it kills them. Just look at places where Muslims live, nothing grows there, it’s just desert.

Muslims’ favorite hobby is calling for the destruction of Israel. Every few years they attack Israel from every side, in the middle of some holiday when all the Jews are distracted, then within a few milliseconds the Jews occupy the entire Middle East and the Europeans and Americans have to say: “Ok that’s enough, you won Jews, don’t remove all the Muslims from the face of the planet, even though we are still not sure what reason God had for creating them.”

“Jews rule the world” -Low status white males. Yeah let’s say Jews rule the world. Well, most of the world is pretty nice, if you’re not an animal at least. Now look at the parts of the world not run by Jews, but by Muslims. Hell on Earth.

The Japanese in the 1930’s heard all the Nazi propaganda about how Jews run the Western world and thought to themselves: “We need to bring the Jews to Japan, they’ll make everything great!”

There is no country on the planet where people said: “We need more Muslims, everything will be fantastic!” Everyone knows you just make everything worse.

You go to a Muslim supermarket, there is the head of some lamb in the counter. Indians in your country? No problem, everything is fine. Koreans, Chinese, Japanese? No problem, everything is fine. Muslims in your country? Everything turns to shit.

Everyday we try to forget that Muslims exist. Everyday we say to ourselves: “Well we have not heard anything about Muslims in a while, it’s time to start solving other problems like deforestation and air pollution and SHIT THE MUSLIMS ARE HERE AGAIN”

And some of you will say: “Well not all Muslims yadda yadda.” Ok. Not the Muslims who condemn kidnapping Jews and parading them naked through the streets to be spat upon. But most just stay silent.

That tells me all I need to know.

My recommendation:

1. Liberate the captured Jews
2. Make an orderly line of Muslims willing to kiss a pig on the nose, piss on a Quran and draw Muhammed getting fucked in the ass by a pig and have their own drawing tattooed on their forehead so they can’t backpedal, then let them leave Gaza by boat to some other place.
3. Let the rest slowly die of hunger. Nothing of value will be lost.