Buddhism’s end goal requires you to have exhausted all your desires. But you should ask yourself, if you should really want to exhaust your desires. Imagine for a moment that the world gives you what you really desire the most, if you’re willing to pay the price. To me that suggests that civilization collapses and people start dropping dead from new viruses, when you hate humanity and your main desire is revenge against the world. At least, that’s what part of me fears. The problem with going to Auschwitz is that when the war is over and you return home, you will forever find yourself wondering when you meet someone new: “I wonder how that guy would have behaved in Auschwitz.”
I don’t claim to know exactly how it all works. But I do get the impression that at some level you create the world you experience and reality is a spectrum, in the sense that you are real and everything else exists in various grey degrees of “realness”. Your current experiences are more real than your childhood memories, which are more real than the 1950’s, the 1950’s are more real than the 19th century and when we get to the medieval era we might as well be talking about fairy tales. There’s no clear line you can draw, when the first European kings stop being “legendary” and become “historical”, but people never seem to think deeply about what that even means.
Human beings tend to exhaust their desires as they mature. This is one of my biggest fears: That I just lose interest in the things I like, that I end up consumed by a job that becomes my whole world. Even the idea of marrying and losing interest in other women scares me. It’s relatively easy to avoid exhausting your desires. With the occasional dose of cannabis you expand your interests, salvia and psilocybe mushrooms allow you to recover your old interests.
Nicotine causes you to like whatever it is you’re currently doing while you take the nicotine, the conditioned place preference is extreme. This is kind of dangerous in the sense that it just reduces your interest in the world, I recommend avoiding nicotine unless you really struggle with anxiety, psychosis and/or dissociation.
I think people have a fascination with serial killers, because they are the epitome of desire, in a world in which our desires are easily exhausted. They desire so strongly that it just ruins their lives. It’s not that we can’t imagine killing people. Rather, it’s that we can’t imagine having a desire so strong that we would kill for it. In a sense it is inspiring to witness.
Why Dahmer in particular attracts such fascination is simple, it’s because he’s a very unusual figure and highly individuated. The idiosyncratic belief system, the strange perversions, the interest in horror movies, all of it is just going to suck you in. And the problem with exposure is that it almost inevitably generates sympathy. The more you know about someone, the more you sympathize with that person.
I think in a sense, pursuing a moral lifestyle is a dead end with no reward. I’m not vegan out of some sense of moral duty, I just naturally find myself liking animals more than humans. The idea of eating things produced with animal ingredients just naturally repulses me in the sense that eating human flesh would repulse you. The scent of women who eat meat also doesn’t really attract me, skinny brown Indian women tend to smell best.
I’ve thought about it some more and I have to say I do believe there are people who would benefit from taking a small dose of Datura. I am one of them myself. Scopolamine is called the “devil’s breath” for a reason. It’s easy when you’re intelligent, to become entirely trapped in the webs of your own logic and understanding of the world. Because you start to recognize the cost involved in everything, you find yourself desiring very little and unable to justify doing just about anything to yourself.
The problem with leftists of the zerocovid/pronouns in bio/born at 375ppm variety is not so much that they’re wrong, it’s more that they end up sinking into a web of reason that stiffles their ability to enjoy life. This is obviously true for conservative Christians too, at least the ones who take their religion seriously rather than just using it for social media posturing, but Christianity is the original leftism and Islam is a Christian heresy.
I wouldn’t recommend Datura to people who don’t have broad experience with psychedelics, including Psilocybe mushrooms and Salvia Divinorum. But I am of the opinion that it has a role to play in the spectacle. You have to avoid becoming trapped in the web of reason. It doesn’t matter whether you derive your ethics from societal norms, or from philosophy, the end result is the same: You become trapped. Luke Skywalker is not free, nor is Darth Vader. Han Solo is.
You have to make sure you remain just a little bit psycho. Nobody likes a story without villains and monsters anyway.
I want you to seriously consider the possibility that your brain creates the world you experience, which means altering your thought patterns and/or neurochemistry ultimately alters the nature of the world you experience.
Even Hawking ended up concluding there is no mind-independent reality.
I already deal with anima/shadow bullshit revolving around spiders and goth girls just from smoking weed, if I took Datura I would die. Anyway I was raised by Pee Wee Herman’s Playhouse as a child, what a nightmare.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EFevGsWt2M8&pp=ygUVUGVlIFdlZeKAmXMgcGxheWhvdXNl
Nice to see you back, dude
After a very long period of chronic unrelenting procrastination, I have decided that I will heed your helpful advice and become a druggie. Because lately I’ve been extremely depressed, especially now that the Summer is over, and I find life extremely tedious and boring. The last year has just been a blur that I’ve wasted. Reading doom porn on the internet used to interest me, but not really anymore. In a recent blog you used the example of the casino gambler compulsively pulling the lever of the slot machine, not because he enjoys it, but because his frontal lobe has been damaged. That perfectly describes me right now. Liberty cap season has started again so I have that to look forward to, since last season was poor with hardly any growing. But I will try ketamine first. You previously wrote:
“ketamine is a very effective solution for the sort of depression that is caused by traumatic events in childhood and repetitive exposure to social stress. In this sort of depression you see that mice start to suffer anhedonia, activities they normally find pleasing are no longer pleasing to them. They avoid social interaction and they change their time schedule, they become mainly active at night.”
https://www.rintrah.nl/ketamine/
This perfectly describes me down to a tee. Hopefully it will give me some immediate relief. Then I can go about looking for shrooms. Because right now the idea of spending hours walking through fields full of sheep in howling wind and rain doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. Even cooking food is a giant chore right now.
And I’ll buy weed as well, and order a vapouriser and steel grinder (better than the plastic and aluminium ones). Hopefully that will also help reduce the anhedonia. Right now I’m just using some CBD and nicotine. Not sure if it’s helping. Alcohol just makes my depression worse, especially the next day.
I enjoy commenting here because it’s the only social interaction I have with the outside world. But reading this blog is a double edge sword, with all the Saturnian energy you and the other commenters have written about. Or it’s a bit like the “problem” (pandemics, climate change, collapse etc.) then “reaction” (existential dread) then “solution” (mind altering drugs). Part of me wishes that I never discovered this blog, but oh well. I’ve certainly learned a lot of wisdom, at the price of happiness. Not the worst trade-off, tbh. Well that was a lot of embarrassing rambling. #cringe
>Part of me wishes that I never discovered this blog, but oh well.
Oh wow, not to diminish OP, he should have been born 20 years earlier to live in the old 1.0 web so to speak, but there is way heavier doom and gloom making rounds on the Interwebs.
>Reading doom porn on the internet used to interest me, but not really anymore.
Normal development. After a very personal point in life you get used to your surroundings being fubar. The next step is to shut up and keep your conclusions or heavy questions to yourself.
> The next step is to shut up and keep your conclusions or heavy questions to yourself.
Why, exactly?
LSWM, I feel you
You remind me a bit of my younger self.
Ketamine might be just what the doctor ordered, but if your primary concern is your depression, use it sparingly, in frequent low doses.
High doses might shatter your sense of self/reality
(But for some odd reason I get the sense you might enjoy that as well).
Unlike Radagast, I would caution you against shrooms. This is only because my experience came from picking them wild in the field, or growing them myself. It is very difficult to titrate the dosage since there is no way to know how much psylocibin is in each shroom. Concentration can vary. In my case, my very first trips were wildly inappropriate and I went insane. I told myself “I’m never doing this again” Why would I do it again? But there was something in me that didn’t want to be “beaten”. So I persisted.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve preferred LSD to shrooms, unlike many others. If you can manage to find a good source of LSD with known microgram levels, that is what I would recommend to you.
My shroom trips always had a vaguely sinister vibe (although this might be chalked up to my peculiar psychology), I saw Aztec and Mayan art on the walls of my home, with a vague sense of an Other “coming for me” in some way. Since Radagast has previously expressed admiration for the human sacrifices in Aztec and Incan culture, you may just prefer to stay away from that nonsense.
By contrast, clean LSD trips feel like you are simply in your own brain, with nothing more than your own cherished subconscious imagination guiding you. You might very well see horrific images but they will feel “part of you” and you will peacefully observe them as a “Witnessing Awareness”, unperturbed.
Regarding weed/marijuana: I was never a big fan but that’s probably a function of my psychological disorder. Others will tell you it makes them paranoid. However, a slight toot or two before a psychedelic journey will relax the stiffness in your mind and allow the psychedelic to take good. Just don’t overdo it. Also, when your trip is waning, a toot or two is all you need to reinvigorate the trip again. It sort of brings it back, but with less clarity.
Finally, don’t despair too much about the doom-mongering you read here and elsewhere. Yes, the overall arc of history is now Kali Yuga-ish, but one should never let the larger context determine the story of your own life.
This is one of the charms of psychedelics. The notions and fantasies your mind produces about the world are never the final word. Things can and perhaps will be different than you anticipate.
(Don’t quote me on that)
@Mehen:
Thanks for the advice Mehen, much appreciated. I should also add that one of my main motivations for psilocybin is as a treatment for my severe phone/internet addiction which seems to be getting worse. At a university near me, they are currently doing trials on psilocybin for cocaine addiction. And yeah I’m also very worried about bad trips, I would start with max 30 liberty caps, which would be equivalent to around 1 g dried shrooms, so maybe 10 mg psilocin equivalent. From what I read, it’s only once you eat 100 or more libs you may get ego death/bad trips. I’d like to try LSD, but like you said, it’s hard to know what you’re taking and how much the dosage is.
Yeah k-holing seems terrifying, not sure if I want to experience that. I would start with small bumps, maybe 30 mg to see how I feel. Unfortunately the dealer isn’t replying to my text message, but I can hopefully find others who sell it.
My main motivation for the cannabis is to get rid of the beta amyloid plaque/tau proteins that Radagast talked about. I’ll take it with a lot of CBD because like you said it could make me paranoid. Just one large cup of coffee makes me “on edge” for hours.
@Rob:
Thanks for the advice Rob, much appreciated. Regarding the dark web, I already got scammed on Telegram trying to buy shrooms which put me off the whole experience, and then there’s terrifying things like this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/lupmh5/purchased_magic_truffles_from_the_netherlands_now/
“Purchased Magic Truffles From the Netherlands, Now have a voluntary interview at the local police station for the accusation of importing Class A drugs.”
My parents would probably kick me out of the house if police showed up, and because there’s a massive housing shortage where I am and rent is astronomical, I would have to emigrate, which has its own challenges in these highly uncertain times. I looked up dinosaur cacao, which seems to be microdosing. I think I need something a bit stronger tbh.
@Michael:
> The next step is to shut up and keep your conclusions or heavy questions to yourself.
You’re probably right.
“I looked up dinosaur cacao, which seems to be microdosing. I think I need something a bit stronger tbh.”
They sell strong chocolates, just look more carefully. 6 vegan chocs in a bag. It’s hard to estimate actual dosage in each choc (it’s way more than 0.5 that they state is in each choc; either that or my tolerance to mushroomns has dropped dramatically) but DO NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THEIR DOSAGE ADVICE ON THE BAG. They say two chocs is a beginners dose. Believe me when I say that is def not the case. I would start with 1/2 of one.
Ahh, I see them now. Wow, cheers Rob! I’m pretty excited about this. I think I’m going to order two packs. So, 6 grams of mycelium total (or perhaps even more, as you suggest). I’ll take into consideration your dosing advice. Thanks for recommending these to me! It seems that these chocolates will be far less conspicuous than actual shrooms, so much less likely to be seized by customs.
> I should also add that one of my main motivations for psilocybin is as a treatment for my severe phone/internet addiction which seems to be getting worse.
Relatable. I’m still trying to tear away, split away, get away.
I’ve done pretty well in this regard, but find myself in bondage to this particular blog.
(Do you REALLY want to leave Radagast cold and alone?)
> I’d like to try LSD, but like you said, it’s hard to know what you’re taking and how much the dosage is.
I don’t know you or your situation, but in my experience the dealers always had some marketing hype like “bro, this is the GOOD SHIT” or “this is stuff is smooth” (euphemism for “weak”). A few times I bought from the Silk Road, and those sellers were mostly legit. I’m afraid I don’t know what you young pups have to deal with these days. I can tell you one thing though: no dealer will ever underhype the potency. You are more likely to be underdosed than overdosed.
(Although, I have heard about these new synthetic analogues like “1-TP” (or whatever) so I can understand your reluctance to persue LSD). That’s a shame. But if you ever have the opportunity to try genuine LSD, jump on it)
One thing I forgot to mention before, while my shroom trips were wildly insane, and interesting from an intellectual perspective, it was my LSD trips that had the anti-depressant effects you are seeking. I can remember feeling quite aware and awake, feeling connected to all the sentient beings around me, realizing most of my anxious concerns were ephemeral, and yet, at the same time, I was crying. Tears were dripping from my eyes, even as I felt more “centered” and content than I ever had. There is the phrase “my eyes are leaking” when people wish to acknowledge their crying without acknowledging the underlying pain, but that’s exactly what happened to me. I felt perfectly fine, but my eyes were leaking tears. It felt great. (This, once again, may be a feature of my own life experience and might not be yours, just saying.)
> My main motivation for the cannabis is to get rid of the beta amyloid plaque/tau proteins that Radagast talked about.
Is it possible this could be achieved from simple CBD without the THC? (I haven’t looked into it)
> Just one large cup of coffee makes me “on edge” for hours.
Yeah, we got some things in common.
(I didn’t realize you were living with your folks. Yeah, don’t do anything that might estrange you from them. Be cautious. Or crazy like a fox, as they say).
@LSWM Live Matter Kevin, you are everyone’s favorite here, how can you be depressed?
If things go really bad (with hivicron etc), maybe we should just try to be our best selves. So, it would be nice if we keep living normally doing our favorite activities (but not as in YOLO, since the ‘party is over’, obviously, and who needed that lame party, anyway?)
You like music? Learn Irish music, or tap dancing, or gardening, or… you get the picture.
All these will come handy, bc a heavily restarted world will need the Irish (and everyone for that matter but you know what I mean)
I appreciate the kind words, Apollo. It’s great that you can derive such joy and meaning from your Orthodox Christian beliefs, I used to go to Catholic mass every Sunday as a kid growing up but always found it hard to concentrate and pay attention to what the priest was trying to teach us. I should probably start going again, seeing as we really do unfortunately seem to be approaching the “end times” (as described in the book of revelation).
> You like music?
There is a really good Irish post-punk band that have become pretty famous over the last few years named Fontaines D.C., I HIGHLY recommend them. Here is one of their best songs:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty9Pcg3qrmU
> There is a really good Irish post-punk band that have become pretty famous over the last few years named Fontaines D.C., I HIGHLY recommend them. Here is one of their best songs:
Great track. Never heard them before.
@LSWM_Lives_Matter, very nice song and band!
> .. was trying to teach us.
I’m so sorry, I don’t like preaching either (although I also do it lol).
I know they (priests) may have good intentions, but it’s pointless.
Fortunately, over here they have been preaching less and less and now (~99%) they just focus on the celebration, the poetry of the songs, the music and the sacraments of course.
As I’ve said, you are always very welcome to Greece. Mount Athos is breath-taking, with its nature and monasteries…
“That perfectly describes me right now. Liberty cap season has started again so I have that to look forward to, since last season was poor with hardly any growing.”
Try the darknet – you can get good quality mushrooms and LSD. They are very good for depression but its like squeezing a spot in some respects, you can get quite intense negative experiences but I usually feel good and more with it for a good week or two after a mushroom or LSD trip. Now I’m middle aged I actually prefer shrooms now. Acid can be too stimulating.
If the darknet is too much of a pain, try typing ‘dinosaur cacao’ into a search engine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h9MjsAoOn8
> https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h9MjsAoOn8
Retard, you always manage to bring the party
But two can play at that game:
https://youtu.be/69fPof-ZTnU?si=32NpwS4F1ZYwc_Vd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewnxQBQFJNQ
> Christianity is the original leftism and Islam is a Christian heresy
The Lord’s prayer and the Sermon on the Mount are brief and extremely impactful, and the most likely to have been transmitted without changes from what Jesus said.
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus directs us to pray to the Father, not to himself. He also states “Blessed be the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God”. Calling someone Son is the greatest honor a powerful figure could bestow.
The rest of the Old and New Testament are a jumble of divinely-inspired gems and total confusion.
The Old Testament was like an old legacy codebase. New Testament was a patch and an upgrade. The Quran (highly recommend the Abdel Haleem translation) is a wholesale re-factoring of all this old software, a clean rewrite, the Allfather re-asserting His power. Jesus is great, but we should not forget the Father. Alas, the Hadiths soon sprung up to heavily modify the Quran. Like a mess of features added onto a clean codebase at the user’s requests. Most of what is called Islam is actually the Hadiths. One can install and run just the clean, original release. Just read the Quran in Abdel Haleem’s translation. It’s breathtaking. Mohammad repeats dozens of time in there “I’m just a messenger”, contrasting to the outright worship of him in the current Muslim world.
Also, the usage of the term “Son of God” as a high honor and not as a descriptor of a human-like family relation is the one fact that can reconcile Christianity and the Quran.
“Father” and “Son” are the names of the 2 Persons of the Holy Trinity and they mean relationship. You can’t have a father without a son, and vice versa.
The New Testament is very consistent about it.
The key-word is relationship.
I have said many times here that you can’t have language and logic if you don’t relate.
It happens primarily with our moms, and our dads. And then with our community.
The New Testament, as the original Church understood it, is vastly superior than the Quran as you just presented it here (with good intentions).
The Quran is a downgrade. Just like all the various heresies who downplay either the Son (e.g. the J. Witnesses) or the Holy Spirit (e.g. the Catholics).
Therefore, I dare say that the future of the secular West is either to return to the original Church (an upgrade) or to become Muslim (a downgrade).
In my opinion.
Your openness (with your good intentions) perhaps made it clear to the people who frequent here. I hope they will understand the implications, though I doubt.
Because they have forgotten what it is like to be around Saints. And, alas, I am not a Saint and therefore I cannot have a positive influence on them.
You, and everyone here, are invited to come to Greece and visit a/some monasteries. To find yourselves in a saintly environment with saintly people. You can also do that in the West. E.g. Essex in England, Arizona in the US and elsewhere.
Greece is just full of them (they are within easy reach). We can do a pilgrim together in Mount Athos (the nature and the architecture are also amazing).
Also, you can do that in Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria, Georgia, Russia etc Egypt and Syria are still a bit dangerous.
@Apollo:
Yes, honoring all of them — Father, Son and Holy Spirit, as the Church used to do it a long time ago, is the best way.
For reasons unknown to me, I have been blessed with perceiving each of Them directly. Other people pray in caves in the desert for 40 years to get blessings like I did.
The Father appeared to me as the rampart foot of a great dark mountain, shrouded in fog at night. Impossible to perceive entirely. Felt Him in my soul and felt His compassion and implacable will for justice. It became very clear why rabbis wear a black cube on their foreheads, and muslims congregate around a black cube. It is a stylized rendition of what I saw.
I was doing a hike, while still having a nasty cough from Delta at the end of August 2021, when the cough became suffocating and all of a sudden Jesus appeared in front of my eyes, surrounded by light, like in an icon, extended His hand, and my cough was gone. For good. I was not praying or even thinking of Him at the time. I was not even considering myself a Christian. He has kindly come into my soul several time since when I have invited Him.
I have also perceived the Third One, that Proverbs 8 speak about, in breathtaking visions, soul visitations, and help accompanied by signs.
Jesus is the only one whom I perceived to be fully, deeply human, and divine. The other two are clearly non-human, and able to take avatars at will.
I was not taking drugs at any time when perceiving any of the above.
Various people have perceived one or another. Most people would be scared of the Father. Takes a strong soul to have the courage to stand in front of him. The other two help in that regard. One flavor of a religion or another lean towards one of the three. Even for someone with my blessings — I now know where to focus my heart –unless we’re talking of one of the (rare) unexpected visitations, getting any single one of the three in one’s soul takes more than a day of focus, reading, praying, doing offerings by fasting, hard hikes, and other means… Reading-wise, for the Father, the easiest path is reading the Quran (without the Hadiths). For Jesus, one of the books that collect the words of Jesus only from the New Testament (such as The Complete Sayings of Jesus, by Arthur Hinds). For the Other, try listening to Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony while reading Proverbs 8…
Yes, a (flavor of) religion that focuses on one of them only is incomplete… but it is still infinitely better than no Divine ethos at all. European civilization (including its derivatives in America, etc), and the White Folk will be utterly destroyed unless they receive the inspiration to follow even one of them.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! (and for advice e.g. about Proverbs)
It’s another proof that the Holy Spirit is looking after all of us, and leading us..
As I said, you’re very welcome to contact me if you ever come to Greece; A pilgrimage to Mount Athos is long due for me too.
“Exhausting your desire” is a bit of a 19th century translation.
“Let go of selfish desire” makes more sense.
And from the mahayana point of view, you cultivate a desire to assist and liberate all sentient beings.
It’s a very strong desire, but unselfish.
Came here to post this. Another way of thinking about it is that it’s the alchemical transmutation of lust into purpose.