The problem with promiscuity

You’re going to have to get used to the fact that I contradict myself fifteen times per day, if you’re not used to that yet. I just write down my thought process here and secretly harbor the ambition of entertaining a handful of people, I don’t really make strong claims to holding any sort of absolute truth.

Anyway, I think the problem with promiscuity is that it desensitizes us to the right impulses. Abuse on the other hand, sensitizes us to the wrong impulses. That combination of abuse and promiscuity is how we end up with girls who want you to choke them or worse, try to lure you into violating their consent. Long ago I knew a girl I was infatuated with who would do that to me and although I never succumbed to it, it leaves you as a man feeling very unlovable and insulted.

I’m always perfectly able to defend promiscuity to myself on theoretical grounds. However, whenever I then find a girl I like, I tend to find that the reason she is promiscuous is because she has been hurt in the past and so I find myself unable to act on these theoretical notions in my head. My brain seems able to uncouple the idea of sex from the ideas of exclusivity and possession. Perhaps this is innate for me, perhaps it’s because of all the psychedelics. However, I don’t think I’m able to uncouple sex from love. For women however, it seems very rare to be able to genuinely keep sex coupled to love, while uncoupling it from exclusivity and possession.

Almost always, I notice that women who can uncouple sex from exclusivity and posession start coupling it to abuse rather than love. I’m a young healthy reasonably good looking guy. I go out and meet up with girls, I’m not as dysfunctional as you might imagine. However, what I never really encounter is a mentally well-adjusted young woman who just wants somewhat casual sex. I like the boyscout principle of leaving someone better than you find them. Casual sex doesn’t seem to do that to people.

There’s different types. There’s the girls who want to sleep with you as part of some power play with a boyfriend. There’s the aging woman who yearns the validation of turning on young guys. There are the ones who want to be abused. Then finally, there are the ones who have some deep seated inferiority complex and think that guys wouldn’t be willing to have an actual relationship with them. They think of themselves as losers and if you do show signs of intending to treat them as an actual young woman instead of a glorified fleshlight they will simply disrespect you the way they disrespect themselves.

Maybe my experience would be entirely different if I went to the gym more, magically cured my assburgers and injected steroids, but I don’t really think so. I became perfectly content with chastity when I started figuring out how women feel towards guys they casually sleep with. “Hooking up” is something I’m perfectly happy missing out on.

As much as I would like to think that polyamory is a good idea, I suspect a woman’s mind isn’t made for it. A woman spends nine months of her life carrying a child. Then, she must nurse the child for years, for the child to have any real chance to survive. And so although it seems to my male mind like a good idea, I doubt women genuinely want such a thing, unless perhaps they have very masculine minds, in which case I doubt they would be a good fit for me.

Imagine it’s 800 AD. What exactly does a woman stand to gain, from having sex with some guy who disappears out of her life after a couple of days? A woman who would want to do that disappears from the gene pool. Having children is risky, women used to die in droves during childbirth. However, having kids with a guy who subsequently bails is worse than risky, it’s basically suicide. How is a pregnant woman supposed to hunt? It makes perfect sense that men desire promiscuity, but it also makes perfect sense that women don’t.

So what do women desire then that guys generally won’t give them? It’s a very simple thing: Commitment. What are all these human rituals, like birthdays, wedding rings, anniversaries andsoforth about? Symbols of commitment. Some women, the type to avoid, want you to spend large amounts of money as a symbol of commitment. Others love their special dates. Yet others just want to have clear evidence that you have no interest in other women. Just as guys fetishize different parts of women’s bodies, women fetishize different forms of commitment.

I don’t think of myself as a very virtuous person. However sometimes I accidentally end up in the company of the wrong people and I am shocked by what I see. One time I met a man who bragged about how he would sleep with prostitutes. He would say that some strip club had an owner who would encourage him to “test” different women. He described the whole process like buying a car and I found myself terrified of him, as if I had met a demon.

If you are born in Eastern Europe your life is more difficult than if you were born in Sweden or the Netherlands. Dutch women almost never become prostitutes, despite prostitution being legal here. Rather, the prostitutes are sent here from Eastern Europe. So I can only conclude that the prostitutes almost certainly wish their lives looked differently and so this man was engaged in abusing them.

Just as Bitcoin is basically libertarian nerds reinventing the banking system, feminism seems to be traumatized left wing women reinventing Christianity. Don’t like your boyfriend watching porn? Neither does Jesus. Don’t like the male gaze? Neither does Jesus. Rape culture on campus? A proper Catholic literally feels guilty about jerking off. You’ll get the occasional feminist who converts to Islam, but they almost never seem to figure out that they’re better off with a guy who saved a woman from being stoned to death over a guy who had sex slaves. It’s probably too confrontational, because it’s directly in front of us.

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