The Reflection


8h ago
300mg dxm + 100mg dph had a couple of friends visiting and a bat flying around my room

one of my hazy trips I just had a week ago i thought that i took some with a group are friends just to find out that they never existed and that I was created from the trip 900mg
Okay here’s a weird one

I took the 900mg and smoked some weed

but i thought i took it with a group of 4 friends and i have memories of taking it with them

I talked to these people the whole night while tripin balls

And we Just talked about life and shit

It turns out they never existed and it was all a hallucination

i think

I felt like I had a connection with these people

I felt like we were friends for years before this

But then BAM they’re all gone and I realize how lonely I am as a person

I haven’t really recovered from the shit

This made me feel super fucking depressed for the past couple days

Fuck this Benadryl shit

This is a wake up call for me

Not planning on taking anymore Benadryls for a long time

Edit: sorry for shitty grammar


Fast foward to abusing this substance for 2 years daily, i had been in the ER several times for seizures , extreme panic & general psychotic behavior (me just constantly screaming because i couldnt do anything but write in my own self pity & suffering & scream at the top of my lungs. I had noticed my behavior changing to an almost bipolar like state, id cry because i felt so alone all the time but then id take my dph & see all of my friends in my room. & id finally have the old friends i wanted to come back ever since i was in 8th grade when all of them seemed to completely abandon me & they’d be right in my room, in my head, talking to me, making sure i was okay.

This is a general tendency I’ve noticed people have with Benadryl, as well as with Datura to some degree. They start to see people who are not there. They’re all by themselves, but feel as if they’re at a party, talking to people who just vanish all of a sudden. People with Alzheimer’s disease can experience the same effect, they sometimes ask you if you’re real because they grew used to people just vanishing.

So, to any normies reading along, just keep in mind that even if you don’t take any drugs, rest assured you’re going to hallucinate and trip yourself. You’re just cramming it all into the last few years of your life.

There’s now just a whole demographic of American teenagers who have lasting brain damage from taking over the counter Benadryl, along with a couple of dead teenagers. I think this can be considered fallout of the fentanyl crisis. In Europe the normies don’t have to worry about fentanyl in their cocaine. In the US a generation of teenagers grew up with horror stories of people dying from this stuff, so they resort to stuff they can buy at Wallmart and their parents will just think it’s for allergies.

But the interesting thing to me about all of this, is what it suggests about our mind. If you see a dog in the dark and then it turns out to be a fox, you can say that your brain mistakenly interprets reality. If you have full fledged conversations with people in your room, people who are not there, or if you see entire cities in the jungle that then disappear, it becomes hard to argue that you’re misinterpreting reality. Rather, it’s starting to look like you render reality. Not at a conscious level, but at a deeper layer.

This I think, is important to comprehend. There’s something fundamentally deceptive about the reality you inhabit. What seems to be on the outside, is actually on the inside. And what is on the inside, manifests in the outside. As an example, you’re just not going to function well psychologically when your house is dirty. But this goes deeper than you think. The dirt you’re looking at, reflects dirt that has accumulated in your internal world. Removing it in the outside world, is effectively an occult practice that removes it from your internal world as well.

You’re always engaging with a world you created yourself, without realizing you’re creating it. “Reality” as we generally think of it in the materialist perspective, something that exists independently from us observers, does not exist. There isn’t really a way to be “wrong” about reality, because if you observe something, then that is reality from your perspective.

Your brain is constantly busy, trying to generate the best of all possible worlds. When your own position within your world is miserable, it is perhaps because at a fundamental level, you have chosen to value other things above yourself. People who are deeply unhappy, still tend to see profound meaning in the world.

How you alter your nervous system, affects what sort of external world you experience. Meat is essentially a sedative, that insulates you from the suffering your own happiness requires. Rich people end up eating true abominations, like the livers of force-fed geese. And at the absolute very top, people become cannibals. Sex tends to function like this too, there is a prey and a predator.

Idi Amin bragged about eating human flesh, he stored the heads of his enemies in a freezer. Of course our own benevolent overlords would never do such a thing. But they do like to hunt and don’t make a secret of it. British aristocrats are really upset they don’t get to chase foxes anymore with their hounds for hours until the fox is torn to pieces by the dogs, before one of the young boys has the blood smeared on his face.

You won’t hear me claim that these people understand exactly what they are engaged in, but these are ultimately rituals, traditions they inherited, that have the effect of placing them in power. Just as saints inevitably retreat to live by themselves in the woods or the mountains, the world inevitably ends up ruled by cruel people.

Psychologically, they’re feeding off the sense of power they have over the animal they shoot. And importantly, with the fox hunt, they’re feeding off the terror of the animal, as well as off the pain. The cruelty is not some sort of accident, it is the purpose. It’s how they drain their victim. Most people participate in this in some form. Whenever you eat animal flesh, you’re draining the animal. But you will pay it back eventually, if only because your prostate will swell until you have to wake up in the middle of the night.

You won’t hear me argue that Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, Angela Merkel, Donald Trump, Justin Trudeau or any of these people eat human flesh. But then you won’t hear me argue either, that any of these people have real power. When Bill Clinton had sex with an intern, his career was over. That means you don’t have real power, you’re just playing a role.

Now contrast this with Idi Amin and Jean-Bédel Bokassa. These were men who had true power. If they wanted to have a mistress, if they wanted to have multiple wives, if they wanted to have a private zoo, if they wanted to rape someone, murder someone, or commit a genocide, they could. What else did they have in common? They ate human flesh. Idi Amin openly bragged about it, Bokassa’s cook testified he served flesh stored in walk-in freezers to Bokassa. Foreign dignitaries were said to be served human flesh too on occasion. Charles Taylor also ate the liver and heart of his enemies.

Africans just tend to have a far more intuitive understanding of the manner in which our reality functions. This is why belief in magic and practice of disturbing rituals is so widespread. In the West, people try to win elections by practicing public speaking, with various mathematical models, advertisements and by infiltrating social media.

In Nigeria, you just get a witch doctor to sacrifice some people for you. In 2014, a taxi driver went looking for his friend who went missing and stumbled upon a seemingly abandoned building in the Ibadan forest. But it was not truly abandoned. There were dozens of rotting corpses there, along with still living people, chained to the wall. These people were being killed for various rituals performed for the rich and powerful in Nigeria.

In the West these stories are mostly ignored by most people, except for a handful of right wingers who insist it proves how stupid Africans are. But the reason these things happen, is because they work, especially in a context where everyone believes in this stuff. Science is ultimately also just a ritual we perform, to end up at the same wavelength. We tend to sacrifice mice for this, but if it is really difficult, we may sacrifice a monkey. And although it is taboo to mention, we used to happily sacrifice human beings for it too. The universe just doesn’t punish you for cruelty, at least not immediately. No, it rewards you.


  1. Quote: “They start to see people who are not there.”

    Making tulpas is the new trend.

    But you know I think they was always there, since birth.

  2. Rad, your articles on Covid and the vaccines are very informed and seem to make sense.

    But with articles like this, you have completely lost it.

    Amin and Bokassa were evil human flesh eating monsters. Who in their right mind would even want to think of them or mention them?

    Nigerian witch doctors sacrificing some people for you???

    Is that the sort of civilisation you crave for in your distorted mind?

    Well don’t worry, they have come over to bring civilisation here.

    Nearer home, Hitler was a Jew killing vegetarian, although many don’t believe this. Did he not have real power?

    This is your blog and you can write what trash you like, but I would suggest you get some advice from some brown Budhhists or Hindus or someone similar as you seem to have big problems in your life.

    Are you not getting brain damage from the stuff you are taking?

  3. > The universe just doesn’t punish you for cruelty, at least not immediately. No, it rewards you.

    *slow clap*

    Now, pursue this line of thought, really explore it, perhaps on a psychedelic trip, and bequeath us with another blog post on this theme.

    • I think it would more interesting to see you go on a vegan diet for three months tbh. We already know how Rad would react, he’d feel like a piece of shit.

      • > We already know how Rad would react, he’d feel like a piece of shit.

        Perhaps. But only briefly.

        Then the elixir would work it’s way through his system before his bodymind would acquire heretofore unknown magickal abilities and POWER

      • >I think it would more interesting to see you go on a vegan diet for three months tbh.

        On a more serious note, I have been mulling over the possibility of going pescatarian. I think Fucko has this one right. But I would also be eating eggs, butter and cheese. I think the handwringing over butter and cheese is just girlish hysteria.

        Full veganism is for FAGS

        • >On a more serious note, I have been mulling over the possibility of going pescatarian.
          Sounds good, I don’t really care what other people eat anymore honestly. My previous post was purely hypothetical.

  4. This is why Dharma is the most important thing rather than merely removing suffering out the equation. Dharma in simple terms is everything that’s good, good health, good looks, good morals, good lifestyles, everything that leads to a people to continue to exist is Dharmic. Ugliness, weakness, this is Adharma, and is the the ultimate foe.

    Balance is not found in total suffering or total bliss, it is found in the middle. Pacifism only leads to cuckery and self-destruction; while Ragnar Redbeard esque Thrasymachian “might is right” ideology only leads to evil that burns out a people. The world is ran by the cruel because the just refuse to slaughter them and bring Dharma back into the equation. Lord Shiva is the DESTROYER! Shiva slaughters the Asura, never mistake pacifism for goodness, letting evil do whatever it wants is evil in its own right.

    • Our current society is Adarmic, it will destroy our world at this rate. You know what the Gods do to those that threaten their Dharmic order.

  5. My follower Sensitive Young Man, Dualist, Philodutchman has been posting concepts from my religious doctrine, Templism, as transmitted in the religious work, Templist Canon.

    That religious work is itself a drug. The gods which people have, for millennia, regarded as real, suffuse that text with their numina, that is their divine energies, which can be perceived by certain susceptible people. The text is, additionally wise. I believe experimentation with all of these substances is a stand-in for the magical effects people would normally get from religious rituals. Huffing gasoline or whatever is quite an inferior religion I would say.

    Said religion does not consider hallucinations to be any more or less real than normal perceptions. Both appear the same. The difference is only in through what medium reality is conducted; one with a predilection to hallucinations, or one without. But reality is nonetheless, in any case, perceived exactly as it is.

  6. Yes, the universe does reward cruelty.

    We have vampires in the west, not quite cannibal dictators perhaps, but obviously blood sucking aristocrats and feudal overlords.

    And I’d be inclined to agree that our ‘science’ is analogous to sorcery.

    There’s a lot we can agree on.

    I am wondering though, why my instinctive response wants me to think that the material universe is the primary source of reality, as opposed to consciousness.

    Other people may have a different instinctive response to this, which is interesting to me.

    I first ran these kinds of thought experiments when I was a kid. So, questions like: do other people see the same colours as me? Now, I knew that it may be possible for other species of animals to have different sensors and thus perceive different inputs, but I strongly felt that given the same receptors, i.e. that members of the same species should initially see the same inputs (if they were healthy and proprly functioning). Individuals might draw different inferences from those inputs, but they would at least see the same inputs to begin with.

    I.e.: I could show a give member of a species a red apple, and they would see the same red apple as the next member I showed it to.

    In other words, I believed that the material universe was the primary source of reality, and that the material universe doesn’t lie (Oooh, maybe that last word is a clue for me, at least on a personal level. . .).

    Okay, I think that seems reasonable.

    However, on an emotional level, I was actually quite freaked out by the thought that another observer might see a different colour from the same input.

    Which makes me wonder, why should I have cared?

    Why should a child get freaked out by the thought that other people might see different colours to him?

    Was I born with some kind of mechanism that wants me to believe primary reality is the material universe, as opposed to say, consciousness as being the source of primary reality?

    Because really, I just feel like it shouldn’t be consciousness that is primary. It wouldn’t matter how bad my logic was to think otherwise, or how good the counterpoints were, because for some reason, I just find the opposing view innately unsettling, and always have.

    Offensive even.

    Which makes me wonder why that is? Is that a protective mechanism perhaps?

    Either for myself, or the ‘operating system’?

    • >Because really, I just feel like it shouldn’t be consciousness that is primary. It wouldn’t matter how bad my logic was to think otherwise, or how good the counterpoints were, because for some reason, I just find the opposing view innately unsettling, and always have.

      Jew, I will explain this once again.

      God/Source is a Primary Point. The only thing which truly exists, has always existed, and will always exist. God/Source is eternal, which means “existing outside of time”.

      Ever present.

      Depending on which spiritual tradition or philosophy you read, this Singie Point became either lonely or bored (or perhaps there was no emotion involved, just God/Source’s nature unfolding inevitably) to “create” the apparent world of physical space and time you experience in your daily life.

      But this “creation” was not “ex nihilo”. Even GOD cannot create “something from nothing”. Where in the world would it come from? “Outside” of God?

      No, God created the apparent physical world by “wrinkling” Itself.

      Think of a wrinkled bedsheet. The little wrinkles and waves may SEEM to be individual things, apart from each other, but if you pull that bedsheet taut, you realize the seeming “separate things” were all just illusions and that the homogenous bedsheet was the True Reality all along.

      Despite the best efforts of Buddhist and other Eastern philosophies to provide some direction for “liberation” from this state of affairs, they are fundamentally misguided — while they offer techniques for “transcending” the illusion, that was never our Creator’s intent.

      Ask yourself: why would a Creator create a state of affairs in which His creations would wish to “escape?”

      What is the point? To dig holes only to fill them back up again?


      The cognitive dissonance you are experiencing is that you are one of the relatively few “unruly subjects” who is starting to break free from the Demiurgic Matrix and wondering what the hell is going on.

      But this was never out Creator’s intention.

      Yours is not to reason why — yours is but to do and die.

      Our little lives are but puppets on strings, which our Creator uses to entertain and distract Himself from his terrible plight: of being the Only Thing which Truly Exists. He has no friends, no Higher Authority to appeal to. Just Him and Him only.

      A young child locked in an empty room, with nothing but his imagination and finger puppets to make sense of his terrible terrible plight.

        • And you were clearly trying to insult me by calling me a “Jew”.

          Or perhaps you are fishing?

          If yes, then I will state for the record that I am not a Jew. Nor do I subscribe to any formal religion at this time.

          If pressed, I would say that I am probably some kind of Christian/anarchist; however, for me that is more of a general disposition/spirituality than a formal declaration of absolute allegiance.

          I’m a bit torn actually – I suspect Wotan has my back too.

        • Um, I think this comment was meant for Rintrah, not Wombat.

          Who else here thinks that Wombat and Sensitive Young Man and Rintrah Radagast are all the same person?

          I’m beginning to think that is the case.

          Alter egos, split personalities, or something else?

          I can see from the about page that you’re all about the satire, which means this blog is not an honest biographical account of your life, and it is difficult to ascertain whether you are telling the truth at all about anything.

          • Yeah, maybe the Jew ‘insult’ (which is perhaps not all that insulting) was not aimed at me, but I seem to recall Mehen getting all accusatory about me being a Jew or whatever before.

            And no, I am not Rintrah, or anyone else. I’ll just add that to the paranoid accusations of me being an AI, which I got accused of being the other day here as well.

            “it is difficult to ascertain whether you are telling the truth at all about anything.” Interesting comment, coming from a Lying Lawyer 🙂

          • Although perhaps it is all just bogus – who can tell what’s real anymore?

            Who/what is a reliable source?

            Lying Lawyer? Rintrah? Sensitive Young Man? Mehen? Me? Someone else?

            It seems like the “blizzard of the world” has indeed overturned the old familiar order.

            I can see how this would be disturbing.

            There was this one time, after several hours of freaking out on an acid trip (or whatever that crap was) about the nature of reality, that I thought to myself: “Ah, screw it. What difference does it make if what I perceive is real or not? It’s not as if it matters, seeing as I can’t tell anyway.”

            At which point I experienced massive relief, and all that stress and anxiety just lifted and evaporated, and I actually felt good – which is a very rare experience for me indeed.

  7. “You’re always engaging with a world you created yourself, without realizing you’re creating it.”

    Igor has an interesting article here:

    It’s on a different subject, but how does the phenomena it describes of researchers switching off belief in God by zapping brains square with creating the universe as you go along?

    Because it seems to suggest that the material universe gets a pretty solid shot at determining what happens to me, at least half the time anyway 😛

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The patients in the mental ward have had their daily dose of xanax and calmed down it seems, so most of your comments should be automatically posted again. Try not to annoy me with your low IQ low status white male theories about the Nazi gas chambers being fake or CO2 being harmless plant food and we can all get along. Have fun!

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