The Wifeguy

I would literally rather die in a ditch in Latvia from a Russian sniper attack than marry.

Now you’re a wifeguy.

At first it’s great. She decorates the house and you realize it really does look better. The colors in your living room now match. There’s now a “live laugh love” sign where your lava lamp and the old dusty LEGO pirate ship that you got as a gift from your grandparents on your eight birthday used to be, but it’s probably for the best.

Her friends are now your friends. You have to attend their weddings. Even those of people you only met once or twice. Your own mom is surprised to hear that people still marry, because although she did enjoy the party herself forty years ago it’s just very expensive. But yes, people do still marry mom and I’m going to a wedding mom.

“Oh you guys have so much in common, he does computer stuff too!”

You now chat with your own friends once a week on Whatsapp.

On weekdays you’ll watch some Netflix crime drama together and she’ll ask you halfway through the episode who that guy is and why he is doing that. She is quite merciful however, so you’ve never had to watch RuPaul’s drag race.

On Saturdays you’ll go to fleamarkets with her (where she will complain that you can’t find any bargains anymore). You’ll make snarky comments about the ugly crap you encounter there. First she laughs, eventually you can’t get more than a grin out of her. These days you just wander a bit by yourself and gaze at some old Nintendo games someone is selling.

You’re eventually just waiting for that moment when she returns to you with bags on both of her shoulders, full of more useless crap that will take up space in the living room. On other weekends you’ll go to her parents or visit one of her friends for dinner.

She can’t know that you used to smoke cannabis in college. If one of your old friends visits and so much as hints at it, you’ll have a big problem. That stinks like shit. She hates that the whole city smells like cannabis now. It gives you schizophrenia. She is three times vaccinated and she has had much worse hay fever ever since. You tried to talk her out of it but she didn’t want to endanger her parents.

She is overweight and trying a different diet every year. It all comes back after a while, although now it’s distributed more around her waist.

She plays puzzle games on her phone, but she doesn’t want to play video games with you anymore. She never says no of course. In fact, come to think of it, she doesn’t ever say no when you suggest something, she just says nothing or deflects. “Let’s go harvest wild oysters sometime!” She did not say no. “Let’s go wild camping in Norway.” She did not say no. She never says no. She never says no.

You’ll let her decide everything. It’s easier. Eventually you’ll reach the point where she asks you if you want icecream and you’ll literally say “yeah if you want icecream”. She regrets missing out on being a whore in college. She sometimes wonders what her ex-boyfriend is upto.

Your marriage will be stressed and you’ll have arguments over nothing. You didn’t put your clothing in the laundry basket, you didn’t empty your pockets before you put them in the basket, or you put your dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher. Something along those lines. And then you suddenly realize there’s all sorts of other stuff she was upset about, stuff you never realized she was upset about.

You’ll go on vacation to some tropical or otherwise sparsely populated part of the world. She’ll pick some exciting activity to do. Exploring a cave, or rafting. Something along those lines. It will be a little scary and exciting and she’ll fall into the water and your physical strength will come in handy and she will associate that excitement she feels with you.

You’ll do some stupid bullshit in the hotel room with candles and rose petals and smooth jazz music and you’ll take some pill that makes you ejaculate two minutes later than you otherwise would and then she’ll be content again, there won’t be any argument over nothing anymore. For now. Anal? Don’t even think about it, you disgusting porn addict! Now enjoy listening to Sade singing “Smooth Operator”, as the lights go out before you get to remove her bra. Pray that none of the candles falls over!

We call homosexuals “gay” for a reason.

44 Comments

  1. I sure feel sorry for you if that’s what you think marriage is like. The more you commit yourself mentally to this falsehood, the more you will manifest it in your life.

    • This is every relationship I’ve ever had myself or seen up close. You realize I grew up with my parents, right? I know the dynamics.

      I wish the good Lord had made me a sodomite, but alas, it’s just not for me.

      Honestly, I would think I got it wrong if the wifeguys didn’t immediately jump in, insisting I have no idea what I’m talking about.

      When the wifeguys insist you got it wrong, without explaining how you got it wrong, you got it right.

      • >I wish the good Lord had made me a sodomite, but alas, it’s just not for me.

        I’ve recently started quipping to people I feel comfortable with, “I would totally like to live the gay lifestyle, just without the gay sex.”

        >When the wifeguys insist you got it wrong, without explaining how you got it wrong, you got it right.

        Heh

      • Well then, let’s run the list:

        -my wife doesn’t give a shit about decorating as long as things are reasonably clean and generally work

        -in ten years I’ve only socialized with her friends about three times, and they are generally pleasant. We have little in common but we have a reasonably good time

        -I see my own friends 20+ hours a week

        -we do not watch any television, and even if we did, she does not believe in any secular humanist philosophy or equality bullshit

        -we are both minimalist when it comes to physical belongings, and sleep on floor beds

        -i never smoked weed in college as I am not retarded, but if I had, she’d understand that I grew and changed rather than sperg out over it

        -she has always weighed 135-140 and has never struggled with her weight

        -we decide everything together, and come to harmonious consensus. She is not overbearing in the slightest.

        -our marriage is generally harmonious and unstressed. I say generally because we’re Mormon fundamentalists and that comes with unique challenges but she still handles them with the most perfect grace I could expect for a mere mortal.

        -our sex is none of your business but I do not take retard pills to improve my stamina, I improve my body directly with normal upkeep – hygiene, calisthenics, kettlebells, and a pescetarian diet. I do not watch porn.

        Basically everything you wrote is sour grapes cope. There is zero inevitability to any of the pessimistic garbage in your post. Perhaps you just aren’t meant to get married, and if so that’s fine, but there’s no need to delude yourself that everyone’s relationships therefore suck. Just admit it’s not for you. I have a very good friend who just came out and said, “yeah I don’t think I can deal with women, I don’t have it in me, maybe there really should be polygamy so that I don’t have to personally deal with marriage.”

        That attitude is a lot more honest than what I see you doing.

      • Your psychedelic use has done nothing to break you out of your own limited darshan. This post proves it.

  2. Yeah marriage has also never appealed to me in general, especially in the last few years. I miss being a kid, adulthood is no fun at all, I hate having responsibilities, I’m too immature for all that. Fuck that Jordan Peterson bullshit. I can relate to that reply to Fucko you wrote in the other article where you’re just waiting for everything to fall apart because the cards are stacked against us Millennials and Zoomers. Life is too difficult and unfair, and it’s only going to get worse.

    Honestly, I’m shocked that we don’t hear about things like this happening more frequently:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawe_family_murders

    • Yup. Being a kid was great. I mean, sure, the bullshit was already beginning, my mom insisted I was “gifted”, but other than that, being a kid was pretty amazing.

      • >Yup. Being a kid was great. I mean, sure, the bullshit was already beginning, my mom insisted I was “gifted”, but other than that, being a kid was pretty amazing.

        You’re much younger than me, I figure.

        But I’ve been realizing the best years of my life were up to about age 14-15. Then things soured.

  3. Don’t care still going to going to get myself a wife and contribute to my race. Dharma demands it.
    >But they will suffer in the coming ages!
    Yes, I will.

    • Sorry, haven’t eaten in 28 days so it’s hard to focus on ensuring I don’t make grammar mistakes.

    • >Don’t care still going to going to get myself a wife and contribute to my race.

      I’m dubious, but of course, I’m something of a cynic.

      I find myself wondering if your primary concern in mating is “contributing to your race” pays any dividends to you, the individual.

      You’re a morbidly fascinating critter.

      I’m sure many of the older commenters here are watching you, wondering which direction you will scamper off into as you get older.

      • What is an individual? An individual is the sum of their qualities, their genes. How does a person preserve their qualities? Through reproduction with those that are genetically similar to him. Given enough breeding within the same gene-pool, it is likely that the exact combination of genes that make up any individual will find themselves being born once again. This is a type of immortality.

        My concern with contributing to my race is entirely selfish, I wish to see the traits that make up myself exist into perpetuity. It is self-preservation, and more beneficial to I than living eighty years of hedonism and then ending up as some arab or something. You guys realize that if our race dies out the only things to reincarnate into are going to be shitskins and animals right? Do you want to be a tusken raider? No? Than you better get good with your people’s Gods and breed. Your consciousness is always going to find new objects and lifeforms to inhabit, but those aren’t “you” You are the sum of your qualities, your consciousness/soul is just a point of view.

        The way to immortality is the preservation of your individual qualities and reincarnating into a being with those same qualities.

        • >What is an individual? An individual is the sum of their qualities, their genes.

          Nah.

          I used to believe that.

          Believing that does make the Game of Life easier to understand, though, doesn’t it?

          But no.

          Biological reductionism only gets you so far.

          And it does have some explanatory power.

          But it’s hardly the whole story.

          You seem somewhat clued in to “higher forces”

          I’ll give you that.

          Again — I’m curious to see what changes occur in you as the vicissitudes of life beat down your door.

          • We are biological creatures, so yes our behavior is solely determined by our biology. Human beings do represent different archetypal forces as-well, but they are still biological by nature. A worm is very archetypal, but it still will follow its instincts and will not deviate from them. The spiritual/archetypal force of the worm is inherent in its very biology, which determines behavior. Consciousness is a point of view, your consciousness is watching the movie of a biological organism going through the motions of its instincts.

            Biology is the determining factor in the behavior of biological organisms, you can not expect an ant to act as anything other than an ant; human beings are not any different, there is no arbitrary dividing line which makes any organism special in this sense. Your biological tools are the sole way you’re able to comprehend and interact with the world, so it can’t be any different. Even drug or ritual induced hallucinations are still you just using your biological tools to comprehend the world, you’re just manipulating the chemistry of those tools to get a different result.

            From our perspective as human beings, the universe is ran by seemingly intelligent archetypal forces that we commonly refer to as Gods. Gods are not inherently biological, you can hallucinate seeing them; but they can also incarnate as biological human beings or even animals. How do we know something is an incarnation of a God? We know because that lifeforms is the perfect representation of the archetype that God represents, and is powerful because of it. This is what our ancestors mean when they said they “descended from Gods” what they meant by this is that their ancestors were the perfect representatives of archetypal forces. This is all true, yet the archetypal forces are still based in biology in biological organisms by their very nature of being biological organisms.

            Going on a tangent here, but no archetype is exactly the same which is why there is no all encompassing pantheon, but rather, all pantheons are true. The archetype of the storm God is different from the perspective of the Greek and the German respectively, due to the biological, cultural, and historical differences between Greeks and Germans; which is why Zeus and Thor are not the same God. Greeks and Germans are not the same people, so why would the universal archetypes that champion those races be the same? What the Romans did was trick people into worshiping their Roman Gods by convincing their subjects that Roman Gods were actually their own, this benefited the Roman Pantheon. Wotan did something similar when he convinced people he was the Jewish God.

          • >Rob
            Yeah that’s not how it works. Nature favors what can propagate itself. There are not “more genes” in a mixed-race person, just mixed genes, which has positives and negatives for a individual’s survival. Often mixed race people are unfortunate enough to suffer maladies common to both their lineages, for example suffering sickle cell disease while lacking the specialized resistance to malaria a purebred African would have. There is enough genetic diversity within a race to avoid inbreeding, I’m sorry your people are cousin fuckers Rob, but that’s not needed to preserve one’s qualities.

            >Dr Strangelove
            Yeah personally I just don’t find non-whites attractive, but my all means, please take yourself out of my people’s gene pool. I don’t want you here with me in the coming centuries. Your disgusting and Adharmic tastes and mentality is an example of the lowest aspect of our race and you should join Rob outside of it!

        • I don’t know a lot about genetics, but I remember reading there is a school of thought that nature actually favours different races mating as it gives it more stuff (DNA, I suppose) to play about with.

          • I don’t know anything either, but depending on the trait it could give certain advantages. Certain things are hardwired, and are not going to change— either you have them or you don’t. But others could blend together. Maybe like taking someone who takes risks— big risks— and blending them with someone more thoughtful: you get a person that’s still impulsive, but more selective. It doesn’t require changing races, just different types of individuals. But some of that could be racial. IDK

            Too much inbreeding just seems to make you retarded.

          • “Too much inbreeding just seems to make you retarded.”

            Yea it’s not a good thing. There’s a lot of cognitive problems within the Pakistani community where I live that is thought to be due to inbreeding (marrying their cousins seems to be a habit). Either way, instinctively it seems wrong to stick strictly to your own race.

            Why are so many men attracted to black women for instance? I remember the first time I saw Serena Williams playing practically half naked at Wimbeldown and felt insane with lust. It wasn’t just the fact she has an ass you could crack a brazil nut with, although that was a big factor. Same with Chinese girls and Muslim girls. Perhaps it’s the unattainability factor too as it’s quite hard to date either, particularly the latter as Pakistani men have a habit of setting fire to or beating the shit out of white guys who date Muslim girls where I’m from.

          • I know what you mean, I’ve felt it too. I find Asian girls a little too lithe, but black girls can be pretty hot and they tend to have nice asses. I worked with one, she kept on giving me the eyes….

            TBH, I’d think a guy was gay if he let ‘racial purity’ or ‘wrong race’ stop him from being with a cute girl who was into him. Passing up an opportunity to flirt or sleep with a hot girl because of online racial purity manifestos? Lol. Sounds like an excuse for being afraid of girls.

            The taboo factor is there too. Back in the day having an exotic wife took some kind of skill, you had to be brave or charming. Now it’s mostly a weeb thing, but then it was different. Probably part of keeping things from becoming too inbred, civilized, and homogenous— introduce some variety, shake things up!

          • I’m sorry for liking a nice ass and a cute face. I’m still trying to get turned on by a woman’s racial purity, but it’s not as noticeable as the other two. However, in the future I will ask internet homosexuals for advice before making any moves— that way my low tastes will not interfere.

            I’ve done the same thing with my diet btw. No food that contains fat-soluble vitamins, minerals, protein, or fat. From now on, I just take drugs.

            Even people like me can make a change — there’s hope!

          • Yes Strangelove, I know, you get turned on by gorillas. That’s ok, not judging, bestiality is a kink that is very difficult to overcome…

          • Though actually in your case it might not be bestiality, since you’re about on the same level…

          • Women are scary, I know…

            It’s ok, leave them to men with Adamic (?) tastes, stick to dress-up games on the internet.

          • Maybe you can find an ageing neocon Boomer to give it to you? He’ll whisper things about bombing Iran and you’ll put on some pagan LARP skirt? 🤣

          • Black women? They’re ugly, and loud, and annoying, the implications of being with one and my children being niggers terrifies me, yes.

            Anyway you’re a clear xenophile, so I’m being completely un-ironic when I say, please breed yourself out of my race. I’m not trying to trick you into getting with a white woman, please, ensure your children are niggers. I do not want your descendants close to mine.

          • Well, I’m sorry I scared you. I’ll put a content warning next time. I was talking to Rob, though.

            Africans can be hot. They have nice asses. If they have cute face + personality — why not? Also some Arab women. Not Asians for me, though nothing wrong with them. And of course white women, I’m not saying they’re not hot.

            I am working hard on having nigger children but also Arab ones as well, and will update you. I respect your desire and will honor it, as you are a man of higher tastes. While one set of my descendants is taking your wallet, the other set will blow up your apartment block.

  4. First off, beautiful. I can see many married couples around me living this way or on the path. The ones that chant in unison ‘happy wife, happy life’

    This is a hurdle in relationships that has to be crossed. People are getting married like they are buying certain things or dressing certain ways. It is just something that has to be done, and the why is just gone. No questions, just do the next thing.

    But in a marriage you can definitely find a way out. It just ends up being out of all the shit around you. The debt fueled lifestyle, being drones.

  5. Rintrah is an extremely sociable fellow. He is always writing about places he has gone with his male friends, and things he has done with his male friends. But most men are not nearly so sociable. Now, why is it that most men are not so sociable, and don’t have many male friends? It is because they don’t trust other men around their woman (or their prospective woman), I surmise. So they marry a woman for sex and for companionship. But if you’re already getting the companionship from other men, and you don’t need to distrust them since you don’t have something they might steal away from you (that is, a woman), and you can get by without sex, then really, I guess why bother with women if they are as described. I’ve been to two weddings in my whole life, and one was my own (the other was my grandmother’s; she remarried after being widowed; I was brought along to the event as a child), so not all women are as described but maybe most are. But what is wrong with flea markets??? Are we instead supposed to go to shopping malls or order on Amazon?? You can’t dumpster dive everything you need.

    • >Now, why is it that most men are not so sociable, and don’t have many male friends? I

      In my case, trust issues.

      I can’t speak for others.

      This is why you will find me periodically erupting on blogs such as this.

      Radagast may be a KikeSucker, but at least I can trust him (I think??)

      Enemies stab you in the back. A friend stabs you in the front. Capische?

      >But what is wrong with flea markets???

      Absolutely nothing. Flea markets can be a sensory delight, particularly under the influence of certain substances.

      Flea markets are a cherished memory of my youth.

      I will be going to a huge one that just opened in my area next week.

      It’s a Bizzare Bazarre

      I love Flea Markets. You never know what you might find.

      When I was younger, the flea markets in my area were where you would find VHS bootlegs of your favorite bands’ live shows.

      Ah, the good old days.

  6. I’ve thought about starting some kind of cult. I don’t think I could sleep with endless amounts of women, but having a few around wouldn’t be so bad. It’s the middle point between being shackled to one plot of land and wandering around endlessly.

    If that doesn’t work out by the time I turn 25 (five more years) then I will probably get married. I want kids and I like women, and I’m not jaded or anything. It’s natural.

  7. Jesus… make her pregnant. And then again and then again and if she is still like that ooopsies another one. Hope for twins. The cry of two babies is blissful silence against a mute normie woman.

    Because they are insufferable. Most non-normie women too. Also, marriage is not needed. Longer than a few years can make you “married”. Opt for a non-exclusive relationship. Organize four women into your life. She will fuck another one anyways, why bother. You have four. They never find out. You tell them upfront. The naughtiest one will do anal.

    Promise!

  8. Many years ago, when I got married, I did not realize that a huge benefit of marriage comes during old age. The kids calling, grandkids, wife making doctor appointments and dispensing medications, sitting in front of the TV together, etc. My parents are old now, and clearly, both benefit from NOT being single.

    • That’s fair. I think it will be easier for my generation, because there will be far more unmarried elderly people than there are now.

      Assuming no catastrophe happens in the coming years of course and we somehow make it through all the crap ahead of us relatively unscathed.

    • Technically you can wait until you are really old to marry and still get that benefit. My dad passed away six years ago and after a while my mom ended up with a boyfriend; she is now 81 and he is 87. They eat spaghetti and meatballs from the commissary most nights along with mint Oreos (despite being well off), go to restaurants where they are known, have neighbors’ kids visit and go to their Boy and Girl Scout ceremonies, and watch Wheel of Fortune together since Jeopardy is now too hard. And they drive each other to appointments. My mom loved my dad very much, and her boyfriend loved his wife very much, but everyone is very happy that they are getting this round as well. It’s almost never too late to be an old married couple.

      • This sounds VERY nice. Have you heard people say that the quality of available partners nosedives past the age of 30 or so? Perhaps quality people become available again past the age of 75. This was my realization from a week ago.

        • It is very, very nice; it is soul healing. Of course the quality of partners goes up after 75, since so many fine people lose their spouse to death; really every fine person who survives loses his or her spouse to death. It is especially a good situation for men (other than the dead original spouse part), since women almost always are the survivors and so there are loads of them. A big issue is that men still typically want sex, but women often age out of it, but not my mom (sorry re TMI).

          I shouldn’t have written “married” since people in this situation can’t officially marry since it screws up their health insurance and their social security and their estates, but my mom’s generation has made their peace with that (actually her dad’s generation did, too; they were the first to deal with that issue) and it is a marriage in everything except the letter of the law. Although people in that sort of relationship usually have their kids hold health care power of attorney, there is no reason why the nominal new spouse couldn’t hold all of the usual powers.

  9. meh, it depends on the person. i’m extremely introverted, so i would be pretty lonely if unmarried and without kids. i imagine a man straight out of beer commercial central casting man would feel pretty tied down, on the other hand.

    also, my wife doesn’t pull any of that shit and wants to play zelda. it is possible.

  10. Maybe you’re being too dramatic in assuming your only options lie between celibacy and being single? I don’t know your situation though. But why not go out, maybe flirt with a couple girls, make a friend? No need to take things anywhere, or play games to hook up with her, don’t force things. No gay algorithms to get in her pants fast.

    I’m not convinced you find women boring or that you wouldn’t be able to talk to one. Maybe not the ultra educated college type, for sure. But your sense of humor and writing on this blog doesn’t sound like a guy who would bore a woman. Yeah, the ultra autistic politic shit, but anecdotes and stories and observations wouldn’t— and yours are entertaining.

    🤷‍♂️

  11. If you look for scheming/controlling women at every turn, you’ll surely find them. In my youth I read quite a bit of feminist literature and then balanced it with men’s movement literature. It taught me that both sexes have legitimate reasons to feel victimised by the other and both can play the victim very nicely.

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The patients in the mental ward have had their daily dose of xanax and calmed down it seems, so most of your comments should be automatically posted again. Try not to annoy me with your low IQ low status white male theories about the Nazi gas chambers being fake or CO2 being harmless plant food and we can all get along. Have fun!

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