Your mileage may vary[TW: Shitpost, Also: Massive Spoilers]

“Men change ideas less than ideas change disguise. Through the course of the centuries the same voices are in dialogue. (#1)”

Nicolás Gómez Dávila

This is extremely pretentious, I’m fully aware, but I’m going to do it anyway, shoot me. I wouldn’t dare comment on the order of importance, that’s even too pretentious for me.

Ayahuasca: Black Lives Matter

Cocaine: You know who matters? Well, I’ll tell you. I Matter. Yeah that’s right. I matter. You see that monkey on top of that rock over there? Yeah that’s me, busy mattering. I’m willing to entertain any idea you come up with, no matter how stupid, unless you expect me to believe that I don’t matter. Yeah look, I know, you can walk away, you can press that x in the upper right corner, I don’t care, I still matter. Did I ever tell you I don’t take shit from anyone? Well now you know. It’s because I matter and I know it, I don’t see why I’m not supposed to say that. Heck, I’ll say it one more time, just to fill the limited space in your head with more fingerprints of me, I’m going to occupy more space in your head than the bare minimum I need to share my message, because I’m THAT important, I simply deserve it. I matter.

Beer: Blue Lives Matter

Wine: It’s OK to be white woah he said the quiet part out loud

Tobacco: It’s OK to just be me.

Datura: No Lives Matter hey̵ ͟t҉he͏r͝e’̛s̕ ̸a͢ ͝spider o̶n yo͟u̢r ̕wr̕is̵t ̕ś͢órr͟y ̢͏͜n̸e̵̛͝v̢̨er̷̵m̷i̶nd̀͟ ̢҉it’҉s̀͘ ͏͞j͟ư̢s̢t b͟͏l͟o͘o̢͞d͘͝҉  o͡͡ḩ ̛̀̕s̷͝hi̶͘t̀̀̀ í̡t̵͡’̷̷͡s͜͟͝ ͘͢͠f̛͝r̶̛͠ésh̢ F҉̯͎̬̠̲͚͖͔͕͎̱̜͠Ṳ̧̧̬͔̮͔̯̱̼̯̲͈̫̫̰̞͍̖́ͅC̬̮̮͙̰̹̺̤̳̤͖̪̥̲̮̙̞̼̀͡͝Ḱ̲̰̱̯̺̗̦̟͈̮͖͇̗̖̗̼̬̰̟͘͞

OxyContin: Your lower back pain from your boring job doesn’t matter.

Chocolate: Ugh, she still matters to me.

Heroin: It doesn’t matter that she left you, I can make you jizz in your pants too.

Fentanyl: Nothing matters.

Iboga: If you really insist, I’ll make something matter again.

San Pedro: Jesus Actually Matters After All. EXTREME SPOILER

5-Meo-DMT: God Matters

MDMA: You Matter So Much To Me

LSD: You Decide What Matters

Coffee: Your Job Matters

Serotonin: Don’t Worry, All Lives Matter

Psilocybin: All Life Matters (Yeah I’m proud of that one)

Cannabis: Don’t focus on what matters, just enjoy The Ride dude.

Salvia, at a party with your friends: Ha, your friends wanted you to know what matters. Well, I wouldn’t consider them friends, because you didn’t want to know what matters, now did you? Yeah, now you remember, we didn’t want to have to tell you, but you always had the option. Guess who matters? We do. You only matter by extension, it sucks for you but it’s the way it is. You matter in the sense that you’re amusing to us. You’re a story, a comic book hero, an action figure, a movie actor, all at the same time. That’s literally all there is to it and this is why your parents told you never to take drugs. Don’t you dare come back here!

Salvia, ten minutes later: Alright Fine, I’ll actually tell you this time. Here’s what actually matters [redacted]. You genuinely believed that, didn’t you? That’s hilarious, I literally just came up with that one on the spot and now you genuinely thought it was the absolute truth.

Salvia ten years later: Oh you’re back already? Where were we? Oh that’s right. You wanted to know what matters. Good luck figuring out the right answer. Perhaps it’s in here somewhere, but I might be mistaken. I think you’re almost there, it’s closer than you think. Yeah that was all for now, I’m gone again, have fun.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MASSIVE SPOILER, CLICK THE LINK HERE

 

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*